Classic Poem

SCENE II. The Street before the Watch-house .

Moon . Lookye, Brother Watchman, you are a Man of Learning and can read the News.
Windy . Why, Neighbour, for that matter as a Body may say, Mr. Constable is a great Man, a great Man, Neighbour, and fair Words cost nothing — — — But as I was saying, Peter Cloudy there is ready with his Verses.
Frost . Ay, ay, Peter 's Verses may be seen pasted up in every Barber's Shop in the Parish; Peter shall be our Spokesman to induce our New Mr. Constable.

Enter Constable.

Come, Cloudy , begin.
Cloudy. O Magistrate, thou art, as I may say ,
So Great by Night, as is Queen Anne by Day ,
And what greater Power can any where be seen?
For you do represent the Person of the Queen.
The greatest Judge in England cannot do ,
Or execute more greater things than you.
God save you, Master Constable, we pray,
Who are your honest Watch-men Night and Day.
Const. Well said, Peter — — — but heark ye, my Lads, we are like to have hot work on't to Night — — — the Mohocks without doubt will be abroad.
Starl. Oh, Master Constable, bloody-minded Fellows! that have broke more Windows than the great Storm, and are more mischievous than a Press-gang.
Cloudy. You may take my word for it, Mr. Constable — — — Sufferers may have leave to complain — — — my Head and Ribs have been thwack'd over and over again like a Flock-bed by them.
Const. Why, they say that they slit Noses, cut and slash all they meet with, poach Folks in the Calves of the Legs, and disturb us and our Officers in our lawful Authority — I charge you all, knock down upon Suspicion — — — that we may not be forced to cut Capers against our Wills — pox of such Dancing Masters, say I, that will make a Man Dance without a Fiddle.
Starl. They make no more of our Poles than so many Straws; let me tell you, Sir, that I have seen them do such things that would make a Man's Hair stand on end — let me see — — — ay — — — to-morrow Night, 'twill be three Nights ago — — — when I was going my round — — — I met about five or six and thirty of these Mohocks — — — by the same token 'twas a very windy Morning — — — they all had Swords as broad as Butchers Cleavers, and hack'd and hew'd down all before them — — — I saw — — — as I am a Man of credit, in the Neighbourhood — — — all the Ground covered with Noses — — — as thick as 'tis with Hail-stones after a Storm.
Const. So — — — between Whores and Mohocks , we shall not have a Man left with a handle to his Face — — — Heav'n keep us, say I — and preserve that Member from danger — for a Man of Reputation would never be able to show his Nose after such an Affront.
Frost. Ha, ha, ha — — — but that is nothing to what I have seen — — — I saw them hook a Man as cleverly as a Fisher-man would a great Fish — — — and play him up and down from Charing-Cross to Temple-Bar — — — they cut off his Ears, and eat them up, and then gave him a swinging Slash in the Arm — — — told him that bleeding was good for a fright, and so turn'd him loose.
Const. And where was you all the while?
Frost. I blow'd out my Candle, and lay snug in the corner of a Bulk.
Starl. Poh — — — poh! — — — that's nothing at all — — — I saw them cut off a Fellow's Legs, and if the poor Man had not run hard for it, they had cut off his Head into the bargain.
Cloudy. Poor John Mopstaff 's Wife was like to come to damage by them — — — for they took her up by the Heels and turn'd her quite inside out — — — the poor Woman, they say, will ne'er be good for any thing more — honest John can hardly find the Head from the Tail of her.
Windy. Hark! hark! what Noise is that? — — — oh the Mohocks — — — the Mohocks — — — oh — — — Will, Harry, Gregory, Peter, George, Thomas , to your Poles — quickly — ay — — — there — — — stand to it — — — stand to it.
Const. Where? — — — where are they? — — — ay, Gentlemen — — — stand to it.
Starl. Oh — — — there they come — — — oh — — — yonder is one with a Face like a Lion — — — the Guildhall Giant is a meer Dwarf to him.
Cloudy. Where, where? — — — oh — — — keep your Ranks. Brothers — — — hark!
Starl. Nothing but Fancy, Neighbours, all's well, only a shadow, only a shadow; but if they had come — — —
All. Ay, if they had come — — —
Bleak. We would have — — — hark — — — keep your Ranks, Peter , — stand to them, Boys. [ Pushing 'em .] Nothing, nothing, Neighbours.
Cloudy. I'm afraid these plaguy suspexions are fore-runners of them; but if they had come — — —
Const. Ope thy Lanthorn, Peter . The Mohocks — — — are but Men — — — and — — — we be Men as well as they be — and — — — a Man — is a Man, Neighbours — now — — — you be the Watch — — — and I — am the Constable — they may — — — mayhap — — — venture upon a single stragling Watchman — — — but we — — — are a Garrison — — — a Garrison, Brothers.
Bleak. Ay, Mr. Constable, and we'll all stand by you with our Lives and Fortunes.
Const. A Mohock — — — Brothers — — — a Mohock , I say, will no more come near a Watch-house than a Whore — — — Here — — — we are unattackable — — — but we be — — — not only to be upon the Defensive — — — Brothers — — — I mean, to defend the Watch-house — — — but upon the Offensive — — — I mean, to offend — — — destroy — knock down — — — take up — — — and — — — commit — and bring Mohocks to Justice. — Therefore, Neighbours, — — — as our Duty requires us — — — I order the greatest Party of you to go — through all the several — — — Streets — — — Lanes and Alleys — — — to endeavour — — — to seize — — — and apprehend the Mohocks — if you apprehend them — — — d'ye hear — — — bring them hither before me — — — But if — — — they apprehend you — — — d'ye hear — — — then — — — you need not come. — The Justices are now sitting — — — and have ordered all the Mohocks that we shall take. to be immediately brought before them.
Cloudy. Mr. Constable — I'll engage that this Pole — Mr. Constable, if it takes a Mohock in the right Place — it shall knock him down as flat as a Flounder, Mr. Constable — — — Pole is the word, Sir — — — I, one Night, Mr. Constable, clap'd my Back against the Watch-house, and kept nine Mohocks , with their Swords drawn, at Pole's length, broke three of their Heads, knock'd down four, and trim'd the Jackets of the other six.
Bleak. I, for my part, remember the ancient Mohocks of King Charles his Days; I was a young Man then; now times are alter'd with me — — — some of the greatest Men of the Kingdom were Mohocks , yet for all that we did not care a Fig for them.
Const. There have been Mohocks in all Reigns and in all Ages, but, thank Heav'n, there have been Constables too, with heart and hand to suppress them — — — though a Constable be a Civil Magistrate, yet upon great occasions he is allow'd to take up Arms; and there is not a Man among you that shall step a Step farther than my self.
Winay. Mr. Constable stand in the front.
Frost. A brave Man! a gallant Man! I warrant him.
Const. Hold, hold, Gentlemen, let us do all things in order — — — Do you advance, Gentlemen, d'ye see, and while you advance I'll lead up the Rear.

Enter the Mohocks singing .

'Tis Wine and a Whore,
That we Mohocks adore ,
We'll drink 'till our Senses we quench;
When the Liquor is in
We're heighten'd for Sin;
Then heigh! for a brisk jolly Wench.
Fa, la, la, la.
Abad. Hola! the Watch, down — down with them; oh, the Devil, down with your Poles you Dogs — — — upon your Knees — worship the Mohocks and be damn'd to you.
Starl. Oh for Pity's sake, Gentlemen, I've a Wife and four Children.
Mol. Rot your Wife and Children, make Fricassces of them, Sirrah, and invite the Devil to Supper.
Whisk. And I'll cut off the Noses of all these Rascals to garnish the Dish.
Mirm. Heighday — — — what, Peg Firebrand in Limbo?
Gog. Come, you Scoundrel there — — — unhand the Doxies — — — upon your Knees, you Dog, and receive Sentence.
Peg. Your humble Servant, Mr. Mirmidon .
Jenny. Who thought to have found Mr. Gogmagog here!
Peg. Pox of these destroyers of Game — — — and Mr. Moloch too! Mr. Moloch I am your humble Servant.
Can. Come, I'll sacrifice this Rascal's Ears to you, Peg.
Emp. The Constable is my Prisoner — — — hark ye, Sirrah, are you married?
Const. Yes, an please your Honour.
Emp. Then you are a Cuckold, Coxcomb.
Const. Yes — an — an — an — please — you — — — your Worship.
Abad. This Dog's Face Phiz is scarce worth the spoiling. Come, Sirrah, I'll save your Wife the charge of more Children, and make you cry a dark cloudy Morning like an Italian .
Cloudy. Oh pray your Honour, good your Honour, my Ears or my Nose is wholly at your Worship's Service; but pray, good, dear loving Sir, don't let poor Gillian lose her only Comfort.
Mol. Come, let's dispatch, cut, slash, and mangle, and pursue more noble Game.
Emp. Hold, hold, for once we'll have a merry frolick. Since we have the Constable and Watch in our Power, we will divest our self of our Imperial Dignity, make them Mohocks , and our selves Constable and Watchmen.
All. Agreed, agreed, — — — come strip, Sirrah, strip, Sirrah.
Emp. Ay, ay, come, come, Sirrah, let us put the Lion's Skin upon the Ass.
Const. Yes, Sir, yes; oh pray, Sir, I'll be an Ass or any thing — — — but pray your Honour let me be an Ass with Ears.
Starl. Little does my poor Wife at home think what a pitiful taking her Husband is in — — — Poor Soul — — — she is sound asleep — — — and thinks nought of all this.
Mirm. Come, strip this Scoundrel, Jenny , and plague the Rogue now thou hast got him in thy power.
Jenny. Pox on't. Mr. Mirmidon — — — 'tis as dangerous for us to use a Watchman ill, as for a Stage-Coachman to be uncivil to an High-way Man; for our Trade forces us to travel the Streets all the Year round — — — Remember, Sirrah, you owe me an Escape without a Fee to the Constable.
Peg. And me.
Whisk. Why, the Dog looks as terrible as a Janizary.
Cloudy. Oh Law, Sir. I'm a poor quiet harmless Fellow, and no Janzary — — — Peter Cloudy by Name — — — I'm known all the Neighbourhood over, and can bring several good creditable Housekeepers to vouch for my Honesty.
Can. The next Man that speaks a Word forfeits an Ear; and for the second fault, a Nose — — —
Cloudy. Let me see, oh, ay, I was afraid he had took him off as a Mountebank draws a Tooth — with a Touch.
Can. Silence in the Court — — — while our most mighty Emperor sits in Judgment.
Emp. You Cannibal , you Abaddon , with Whisker and the rest of you, bring all you meet before me.

Enter Gentle.

Mol. Heigh-day, here's a Fellow got into the Trammels already; come, you Sir, before the Constable — — — on, on.
Gent. Pray, Gentlemen, treat a Man of Fashion with more Civility.
Can. Damme Sir — — — you are a Mohock .
Gent. I vow and protest Gentlemen, I just now came from my Lady Pride's in the City, from playing at Ombre, and had there been a Coach or a Chair to be found, I had not walk'd a-foot.
Abad. Before the Constable — — — come, come, before the Constable.
Gent. Be civil, I beg you, Gentlemen, disengage your Poles from my full Bottom — — — and I'll wait upon you.
Emp. Hearkye, Fellow, you seem very suspicious, you have a downcast hanging look.
Gent. A languishing Air, you mean, Sir.
Emp. Give an Account of your self, Fellow, whence come you? whither are you going? What is your business abroad at this time of Night — take his Sword from him there, lest he should have some evil design against the Queen's Officer.
Gent. I am a Gentleman, Sir.
Emp. A doubtful, a shuffling Answer! we need no further proof that he is a Mohock — commit him.
Gent. 'Tis a strange thing that the vulgar cannot distinguish the Gentleman — pray Sir, may I ask you one Question — have you ever seen a Mohock ? has he that softness in his Look? that sweetness of delivery in his Discourse? believe me, Sir, there is a certain Je ne scay quoi in my manner that shows my Conversation to have lain altogether among the politer part of the World.
Emp. Look ye, Sir, your Manners in talking Latin before her Majesty's Officer, show you to be an ill-designing Person.
Gent. Ha, ha, ha, very merry, as I hope to be caress'd. Latin and French sound alike in the Ears of the vulgar — Je ne scay quoi is a French Phrase much in vogue at the Court end of the Town, ha, ha, ha.
Emp. Meer Prevarication! to the Round-house with him — — — a Mohock without dispute — — — here's Evidence against you, Friend, downright Evidence against you.
Mol. With these very Eyes, Mr. Constable, I saw him in a dark Alley, where one could not see ones Hand, slit a Cinder Wenches Nose, because she would not yield to his Brutality.
Gent. Is there any thing in my Appearance that shows a Goust for a Cinder Wench? Improbable! downright falsity! — — — this Usage, Sir, will make me complain to some higher Power of your illegal Proceedings.
Emp. What! dispute my Authority! bind him, and see you guard him strictly.
Gent. Pray — — — Gentlemen — — — indeed — — — I vow — — — Gentlemen — — — you daub my Ruffles; let not your Lanthorns come nigh my Cloaths — — — bless me! my Perriwig! — — — hold, hold, I vow and protest upon the word of a Gentleman, that I am a civil Person — — — fogh! the stench of the Lanthorns confound me — — — Have a care what you do Mr. Constable, for I shall find redress.
Emp. Bind him, bind him, I value not his Threats. Mohocks are thus to be treated. Where and whenever they shall be taken.

Enter Joan Cloudy.

Gog. Come on, Woman, before the Constable — — — Here is a Stragler that is just now fallen into my Hands, Mr. Constable.
Joan. Where is Peter? — What, is Peter going his rounds? I'm Peter 's Wife, Mr. Constable — — — an please your Worship — — — and am come to take a Pot with him, and take care of him this cold Weather. What, is not Peter among you? What! is not Peter come back from his rounds? — — — Peter , Mr. Constable, an please your Worship, is a diligent Man in his Office — — — I have been in Bed this two hours, and was so strangely a-dream'd of the Mohocks that I could not rest, but must come and see him — — — alas! alas! these are strange hazardous Times! I was a-dream'd methought that the Mohocks — — —
Emp. Hold, hold, Woman, are you drunk with Mild, Stale, or Stout?
Cloudy. Heav'n grant that I may not be made a Cuckold before my own Face — — — What a plague made her stirring?
Joan. Drunk. Mr. Constable, Drunk! whether you know it or no, though I am a poor Woman, I am a sober Woman — — — I work for what I get, and I thank no body for a Maintenance. — — — Drunk! tell your Wife of being Drunk with Mild, Stale, and Stout — — — would Peter was here, he should not hear his Wife affronted after this manner.
Emp. I'll take care and Tongue-tye you, Woman!
Joan. To be Tongue-tyed is fit for nothing but Lyars and Swearers. I'll speak the Truth and shame the Devil. Though a Constable be to keep Peace and Quietness, yet the greatest Constable in England shall not make me hold my Tongue, when there is occasion for speaking. My Husband is a Watchman, Peter Cloudy by Name, a good House-keeper, though he be a poor Man. — — — Why these are all strange Faces, methinks. Where is Peter , Friend? oh Law! oh Dear! this ugly Dream runs in my Head most strangely. — — — [ Spies Peter.] Oh Gracious! what's this our Peter? why Peter? — — — sure I be'nt out of my Dream yet — — — why, Peter , I say, Peter .
Gog. Ay, why there now, good Woman, while you thought he was upon the Watch, he was about a Mohocking — — — Why he is a Mohock , good Woman.
Joan. Oh good Lord!
Whisk. Here — — — we took him in company with these two Wenches.
Joan. What, and Constable Prig a Mohock too! and honest Harry Starlight!
Can. Mohocks all, good Woman, every Soul of them.
Joan. Why Peter, Peter , Mr. Prig, Harry Starlight! what are you all dumb? [Cloudy shakes his Head .] Oh, you ungracious Rogue! you ungodly Wretch! what, must you have your Wenches, Sirrah, while your poor Children at home — ay, and your poor Wife, nay your honest, true and careful Wife, are ready to starve. Why, Peter , I say, fye upon't, what, hadst thee no more Wit to be a Mohock too?
Joan. Why! you notorious Rogue, won't you answer your poor Wife?
Joan. Alack, alack! do I live to see this with my own Eyes? oh, Peter, Peter! an old Fool of all Fools is the worst — — — a Hawkubite! a Rogue! I hope, I shall see thee at the Gallows for this, Blockhead! What, you there with your hairy Bush upon your Head, I suppose are the Ring-leader of them, I'll Hawkubite you, Sirrah.
Gent. I vow and protest, Madam, you do me the greatest Injustice in the World. I am a Gentleman of Honour, but at present labour under the Misfortune of being suspected.
Emp. Come, come, Woman, don't be troublesome, we can see through your Designs; you are a Female Mohock , I perceive — — — and under that Denomination I order you to be apprehended.
Joan. I, a Female Mohock! a Female Jesuit as soon —
Emp. Bind her, bind her.
Joan. But my Tongue shall still be at Liberty; he must have good Luck, ifackins, that ties a Woman's Tongue. Why, Peter , Sirrah, all this comes of your ungracious Tricks, you Hawkubite Rogue.
Emp. Heigh-day! what's here — [ Takes a Paper out of the Constable's Pocket .] a Warrant for the apprehending us Mohocks! I find the Justices are sitting in all the several Quarters of the Town this Night to examine them; what think you, my Heroes — — — shall we improve the Jest? carry the Scoundrels before some Justices of a Ward where they are unknown, and so make them commit their own Officers instead of us.
All. A Merry Frolick! with all our Hearts.
Emp. We'll immediately carry them before the Justices of the next Ward, commit the Rascals to the Round-house, and so finish the Night's Adventure.
Whis. Come, come, to the Justices — — — to the Justices.
Emp. Leave this Fellow, and this Female Mohock till our Return; bind them Back to Back, and there will be no fear of Peter 's being Jealous.
Gent. I beg you, Gentlemen; this Posture is so like Man and Wife, that a Man of Mode may be perfectly ashamed of it.
Joan. Go you Hawkubite Rogue, you ungracious Wretch!
Gent. Figurative Matrimony, as I hope to be caress'd: one pulls one way, and the other the other.