Classic Poem

(A PARODY.)

In the end I beheld great Hercules' wondrous achievements,
And his shade. — Himself was not, alas, to be seen.
Like birds screaming aloft, I heard the Tragedians' out-cry,
And like yelping dogs, bayed Dramaturgists around.
Terrible stood the monster there. His bow was extended,
And th' impatient bolt steadily bore on the heart.
" What adventurous act wouldst thou, unfortunate, hazard,
That thou seekst the damned here in a bottomless hell " ? —
" I am here to ask the seer Tiresias only
Where I may hope to find haply the buskin of old. " —
" If they Nature despise and the ancient Greeks, 'tis a pity
Vainly to drag to the fore thy dramaturgy for them. " —
Nature postures again in our dramatic arena,
Naked as she can be, evident every rib.
" What, can you let me see that old and adorable buskin,
Which to attain I plunged into the Stygian night? " —
Such apparitions are past, and tragedy. Scarce in a yard's length
Goes thy harnessed soul grudgingly on to the boards.
" Good! Philosophy has your finer feelings exalted,
And a humorous sense drives irritation away. " —
Give me a downright dry old jest — 'tis agreeable fooling;
Though, if humid enough, sorrow is able to please. "
" Can I note at a glance Thalia's exquisite motions
And the stately step taught by Melpomene's art? " —
" Neither! We only regard the moral, Christian affections,
Simple and homelike truths, which popularity bring. "
What! No Caesar upon your boards, no mighty Achilles?
Is Andromache gone? does not Orestes appear? " —
" No! But there are priests and shrewd commercial attaches,
Subalterns and scribes, majors enough of hussars.
" But, I pray you, my friend, what can such a laughable medley
Do that is really great; greatness how can they achieve? " —
" What? Why, nurture cabals, lend money at usury, pocket
Silver spoons, nor hold pillory even in awe. "
" Whence, then, dost thou procure this Fate of appalling appearance,
Which at a single stroke lifts and abases a man? " —
" Nonsense! What we seek is self and friends of acquaintance,
All our griefs and woes — and, by the rood, they are here. "
" But all this ye possess at home with greater advantage;
Since ye seek yourselves, why do ye try to escape? " —
" Do not take it amiss, but that is a separate problem:
Fate — why, fate is blind; poets are trusty for aye. "
" So on your own poor boards your own poor nature is acting,
While the good and great never are witnessed at all? " —
" Well, the poet is host, and a last act brings retribution;
When crime shirks the repast, virtue can elbow a place. "