Classic Poem

My Soule (still faint in doing well : and strong
in working ill ) now, now thyselfe retire
From outward Cares: or else amidst their throng
poure out thy Sorrowes to thy heau'nly Sire .

Thy scatter'd thoughts (in Fancies lewd, as light)
gather together; and with all thy Pow'rs ,
(Vnited) shew thy sinne and cursed plight:
sith meeke Confession, grace for sinne procures.

Weighing my deeds , I finde too light they be;
yet, more then I can beare; nay, me they quell:
So, am farre lighter, if thou ballance me;
and yet my lightnesse weighes me downe to Hell!

Shame shall not let me (though it boile my bloud )
t'vnfold the foule diseases of my Soule
To him , that can and will (so) doe me good;
and, make her Angell-faire , though ougly-foule .

My Time then to my shame I must confesse,
(vnto my Soules Physitian, grace to winne)
Hath all in sinne beene spent; yet, ne'erthelesse.
too short I thought it for my shortest sinne!

If I, at any time, did seeming-good
t'was but corrupt , or counterfaite at least:
And, so, 'twas but well done in likelihood ,
being but a sinne well-coloured, at best.

My deeds with ill haue (then) depraued bin,
or else of good depriu'd; so both accurst:
And, if my best be nought but cloaked sinne;
what are my worst , but worse than what is worst!

Nor for committing odious sinnes in act,
but for omitting deedes of Charitie ,
(Which Iustice , at her Iudgement will exact)
the Reprobate are damn'd; and so, may I:

For, tis but halfe the duty of my whole
to doe no ill ; but, still, I good should doe
With all the care and forces of my Soule ;
else ill I may be doom'd ; and damned too .

God gaue me life , but for his Seruice; than
I must account how I each momeut spend;
And, sinn'd I not; yet, sith I am a Man
that doth no good , it's damned in the end .

And were my deeds vnited, and (withall)
clear'd from pollution , and from all defect ,
Yet are they nought to gifts meere corporall,
which I haue had, and yet haue, in effect .

So that too like an idle beast I am
that still deuoureth more then he doth earne;
And lookes for food ere he deserues the same:
nor, doth the giuers gifts , from Fates discerne.

O! out vpon me (most vngratefull beast
abusing Reason , as if I had it not)
What shall I say (deare Lord) I must, at least,
confesse I haue thy goodnesse most forgot.

O! with what Marble Eyes , on flintic Front
shall I the glory of thy presence brooke,
Who art both Iudge ? (of me to take account)
and Witnesse too, as witnesse will thy Booke!

And yet (alas!) lesse pow'r I haue to shunne,
thy presence , then haue heart the same t'abide;
For thou art all in All then can I runne
from thee, when thou dost compasse all, beside!

Yet haue I bin (but in Ciuilitie )
more loath t'offend my meanest mortall Friend
Then (in good Conscience ) so great maiestie
that filleth All and All doth comprehend!

And haue (I shame to say't) more sham'd to sinne
in sight of men , then in thy dread aspect:
My Soule is blinde; so, saw thee not within:
and mortall Eyes , but mortall things respect.

And for the Graces which thou gau'st to mee,
to glorifie the Giuer , I (vile wretch)
Haue to myselfe the glory tane from thee:
so, with thy gifts , I doe thee still impeach.

I haue not lou'd thee for thy mercy; nor,
haue fear'd thee for thy Iustice yea, thy might
(Though most almighty ) I did most abhorre
When it, in Iustice , on me (wretch) did light.

Thou hast to me reueal'd thy Will , but looke
how often I haue glost it with mine owne ,
(Were it within , or else without thy Booke )
so oft hath thine , by mine , bin ouerthrowne.

And if I reckon right betweene thy Law
and mine obseruance: (though I feare thy Rod )
I must confesse neere Dauids foole I draw,
that said in Soule (at least) There is no God .

I haue obserued nought but what my sense ,
(depraued sense ) being Ill , did hold for good ;
Which Ill (with all the Stormes of foule Offence )
still wrought vpon the Current of my Bloud .

Mine Eyes , are sharpe , as eager , still to pry
into mens worst parts rather than their best;
And wrench that little much that is awry:
and what's most right , so make it lesse, at least.

Apt to detract from others , and exact
praise to myselfe from others thus is it
That makes me enuy eu'ry witty Tract ,
vnlesse it be composed by my Wit .

As apt (most apt) to giue , as take offence;
hard to be pleas'd, displeas'd too easily
As prompt to Choler , as to violence ,
but, fearing death; yet (desperate) prest to dye!

In reasoning rash; and yet soone (rudely) round
to compasse Faith to falshood (soone) thereby;
And where Truth stands, to throw her on her graue
in beastly rage, vntill shee seeme to Iye .

False in Humilitie and true in pride ,
in iesting rough; and rash in censuring
To geuerue , I haue made my Heart too wide ;
t' obey too straite , through griefes straite gouerning.

More then the Mount Vesuuins haue I burn'd
in vaine Ambitions euer raging flame ,
And, all good gifts and graces haue I turn'd
to Fewells burning in desire of fame .

Thou gau'st me gifts whereof the praise I sought;
so, robb'd thee ( Lord ) of glory , and (with speede)
I wages seeke, for that which thou hast wrought:
for, for thy Workes in me, I looke for meede .

More proud than Lucifer (the Fount of Pride )
for he, being glorious made, might soone o'erweene ,
But I, being bred of but Slime putrifide,
vsurpt thy praise; so, much more proud haue beene.

Wherein, if thou hast crost me, I haue storm'd
worse than that Hell-hound; for he fell to Hell ;
Then easily might fume, being so enorm'd;
but I on Earth, at ease , against thee swell.

The lightest pleasures make me (lighter) doate:
but, easiest paines doe presse me downe to death
If Fates but smile , in pleasures Seas I floate;
and if but frowne , it eu'n expires my breath .

I foulest Vices , vnder vertuous Names ,
doe patronise: as, extreame Crueltie ,
For vpright Iustice; Loue of lightest Dames
for perfect Zeale: Selfe-loue , for Charitie .

Craft , for true Wisedome, Pride , for Cleanlinesse;
Basenesse , for Meeknesse; Doubt , for Holy Feare;
Meere Cowardize , for discreet Warinesse ,
Bashnesse , for Manhood; Couetize , for Care .

And so of others (in none other sort)
I vaunt their vice, with vertuous tearmes inuolu'd;
And haue an eye but onely to Report
while I, but right to seeme, am wrong resolu'd.

All good Instructions fall into my Soule ,
as Aprill-showres into the Sea doe fall;
Whose swelling surges doe their drops controule;
and euer turne their sweetnesse into Gall .

When I haue beene reprou'd for ought vnright,
I would deny, excuse, or it defend:
Or else reproch my iust reprouers straight;
and so, without offence, would faine offend.

If I haue vow'd deuotion; and (withall)
haue taskt myselfe with holy Exercise;
I soone infring'd it (were it ne'er so small)
so, loath'd I Manna, Leekes to gurmandize.

And looke how one that taketh fire in hand,
but out of hand straight throwes it; cannot hold
The heate thereof; so, I doe vnderstand
but small effect of Prayer made so cold.

As Cates vnchewed, haue they past from me
without concoction , not without annoy ,
For, when I thinke they went away so free,
my Soule is sicke with griefe , and grieu'd with ioy .

Thus lose I still my time in going on ,
and comming off from eu'ry good attempt
So, purpose without prosecution ,
leaues my best actions (idle) in contempt .

With but beginnings haue I worne my dayes;
and oft haue fail'd, but in the meere assay:
Yet, for but failing; haue I lookt for praise;
(├┤ shame I) sith I good motions did obey.

I (likewise) haue beene light in my Desire;
now this , now that , and then the other face
( Sparkes of thy beauty ) set my Heart on fire
with Beauties grace to sinne , for want of grace .

So, could not walke abroad, but that (anon)
my wandring sight would giue thy sight offence:
For, eu'ry sparkling Eye mine lighted on,
through mine, straight kindled my Concupiscence .

For, this (too oft) I haue abus'd the Muse
thou gau'st me but to woo thee, for thy Loue;
But I (lewde Louer) did her Measures vse
to mete fraile motions , strongly, so, to moue.

Thus Beauty (that should make me loue thee more)
I made the wrest , to rend my loue from thee:
So, both with mine and others gifts , did gore
the Giuers heart, erst split for loue of me.

And if I made (as seldome so I did)
a Cou'nant with mine Eye that it should gaze
No more on Beauty; yet (the more forbid)
the more, thereby, it glanc'd on Beauties Blaze.

Alas! how brutish haue I bin the while,
that (like a Beast ) haue swayed beene by sense;
And made my Reason obey Affections vile,
repugnant to mine owne Intelligence!

O life (dead life , depriu'd of life of grace )
how stirr'st thou so, without that vitall pow'rs
Thou art too proud , and yet too beastly base
at highest height but like a fading Flowre .

O Lord of life , a death it is to mee
to minde my life so drown'd in deadly sinne!
Which though it Be , and moue , and liue in Thee;
yet (as without thee) it hath cursed bin:

For, I haue made no scruple to offend;
but with such boldnesse haue I sinn'd, as it
Had beene a meane but to a blessed end;
so, seem'd to sinne with Will , enforc'd by Wit!

Nay, should I bring my best deeds to thy Test ,
they'le proue but drosse of meere Hypocrisie;
Or Vice in Vertues habit, at the best,
which is too bad for basest Pietie .

With Iacobs voyce, and Esaus hands I held
my Soule to sinne , and good opinion too:
The wicked (so) the World , at will, doe weild;
which faine I would, but that I cannot doe.

The World's t' vnweildly for my feeble gripe ,
it still fals from me sith I cannot hold:
And, at each fall , thou giu'st me ( Lord ) a stripe ,
sith, though I cannot weild it yet I would.

Yea, would much rather then my wilde affects ,
or ought that holy men doe take in hand:
For, my best doings , my iust doubt suspects,
sith they in doubt of doing ill doe stand.

How tedious Time hath seem'd when I haue praid!
how wearisome the practise! tir'd how soone!
How much distracted! and how well apaid
when it was done , though done ere well begunne!

So was I like but one of Pilates Slaues,
that croucht to thee (├┤ Christ) but to offend:
So my best actions are but holy braues ,
that haue more shew then strength to foile the Feend .

Haue I done good to any? if I haue,
t'was but of debt; and though it were but lent
I prizde it more, and bragd of what I gaue:
so, all my good was done with ill intent .

Haue I discours'd of things that heauenly were?
In curious Questions (lightly) it was done:
As where Heau'n stands? and Hell (if locall) where?
not how to come to Heau'n , and Hell to shunne.

I haue beene prompt to learne, what Wisedome would
abhorre to teach; and I haue Eares and Eyes
To heare and see , but what she scornes t' vnfold:
for, I attend to nothing that is wise .

What shall I say (that haue so much to say;
for, endlesse plaint holds endlesse Sinne in chase)
My first , was pith; my progresse, Sinne; my stay
is double death , without Gods treble grace .

O Sinne (the Soules death; and, of Death , the life)
I would not shunne thee, when (at first) I might;
And now I cannot without endlesse strife;
then, help me Grace , with strong sinne still to fight.

My Soule is tir'd with vanitie and Sinne ,
I loath to liue; and yet I feare to dye:
Then (wretch) what should I doe but now beginne
to dye to liue, sith liuing-death is nye!

But, ah (alas) could I weepe endlesly,
it were but meete mine endlesse sinnes to cleare;
But though I should lament them ceaselesly
in longest mortall life , too short it were.

Yet, will I not dispaire; no, God forbid;
seau'n times a day, the lustest men doe fall;
And though, from men, the fall and bruise be hid,
yet, thou dost see them both, who seest All .

At all houres no man's wise , for, sober Noak ,
may be o'er-come with Wine , stout Abraham too
Through terror lye; Mecke Meses may destroy
th' Egyptian in his ire; and, so, misdo.

Religious Ioseph , irreligiously
sweare by the life of Pharaoh (faith to binde)
Gods Darling Dauid , hide Adultery
with murther of his Seruant , true as kinde.

Wise Salomon , the veriest Foole became,
when Pharos Daughter, and his Pagan- wiues ,
(Through grosse Idolatrie) made him defame
Gods truth : so Blots, the clear'st haue in their liues.

Saints , so are call'd: as eu'ry thing is nam'd
of whatsoe'er therein most worthy is;
As Golden-mines are stiled so though fram'd
more full of Drosse then Golden- rarities .

And so the best men , though inherent Vice
may ouer-weigh their Vertue; yet, we see,
Th' are called vertuous by their Vertues price,
that doth out-price the Vice, though more it be.

Then giue me courage (Lord) t'aduance my Hope
to thy great mercy (that doth equall thee)
And let All , couerd with the Heau'nly Cope ,
for thy deare Loue , be but as Doung to mee.

Vaine pleasures packe, Preferments-vaine , auaunt
that would but make me quite forget to dye;
My Soule , ye Syrens , doe no more enchaunt:
for, if you doe, Ile breake your strongest Tye .

And all my ioy shall now but be in griefe :
griefe for the Ioy which I concelu'd in sinne .
So, nought but dying shall be my reliefe:
for, life well lost , immortall life doth winne .

Lord , giue me strength to offer violence
to wicked Custome , till I breake it quite:
And, still to striue with Nature, Sinne and Sense ,
vntill they striue no more in Peace nor fight .

And, for my Sinnes , come all annoyes on me
in royall-armies , till you blow me vp
Aboue the Sunne: and all dispights that be,
fall freely on me from my Sauiours Cup.

Scorne me, proud World , still looke on me ascance;
deride me, Diuell , plague me, doe thy worst:
Nay ( Lord ) from me conceale thy Countenance;
so thou, in fine, wilt blesse me so accurst.

And, for I haue despis'd thee ( Lord of All )
let all that Is , despise me till I dye;
Nay let disgrace , with death , vpon me fall;
so I may rise to grace , and life thereby.

O thou, my cursed Nature, swolne with Pride,
swell not against contempt (though ne'er so vile)
Take all and more , if more can be beside
contempt of all; and, ioy therein the while.

For, being nothing, of myselfe, but Sinne;
or else (besides that But ) I Nothing am;
How can or sinne , or Nothing, Glory winne
but through a World of woe, contempt , and shame?

Skill, will , and pow'r then giue me (Lord) to breake
this head-strong Iade , my Flesh ; and, make it glad
To beare a World of woe; to make it meeke:
and, but for falling vnder it, be sad.

I am thy Worke , then, worke thy Will in mee;
And, make my Carriage ( Lord ) from falling free.