Classic Poem

I.

All on a weeping Monday ,
With a fat Bulgarian Sloven,
Little Admiral John
To Bologne is gone
Whom I think they call old Loven .

II.

Hadst thou not thy fill of Carting,
Will. Aubrey , Count of Oxon .
When Nose lay in Breech
And Breech made a Speech,
So often cry'd a Pox on?

III.

A Knight by Land and Water
Esteem'd at such a high-rate,
When 'tis told in Kent ,
In a Cart that he went,
They'll say now, hang him Pirate.

IV.

Thou might'st have ta'ne example,
From what thou read'st in story,
Being as worthy to sit
On an ambling Tit
As thy Predecessor Dory .

V.

But Oh! the roof of Linnen,
Intended for a shelter!
But the Rain made an Ass
Of Tilt and Canvas;
And the Snow which you know is a Melter.

VI.

But with thee to inveigle
That tender Stripling Astcot ,
Who was soak'd to the Skin,
Through Drugget so thin,
Having neither Coat, nor Wastcoat.

VII.

He being proudly mounted,
Clad in Cloak of Plymouth ,
Defy'd Cart so base,
For Thief without Grace,
That goes to make a wry Mouth.

VIII.

Nor did he like the Omen,
For fear it might be his doom,
One day for to sing,
With Gullet in string,
A Hymn of Robert Wisdom .

IX.

But what was all this business?
For sure it was important:
For who rides i'th wet
When affairs are not great,
The Neighbours make but a sport on't.

X.

To a goodly fat Sow's Baby,
O John , thou hadst a malice,
The old driver of Swine
That day sure was thine,
Or thou hadst not quitted Calice .