It was a blithe Conductor on an urban trolley-line,
His uniform was spandy, and his buttons they were fine.
I asked him would he tell me where I ought to leave the tram
To get the nearest Ferry to North Central Rotterdam.
He paid me no attention but danced gayly down the aisle
With very supercilious and irritating smile.
Again I put the question, and he coldly answered me:
“When seeking information ask Conductor Twenty-three!”
His specialty I now saw well
Was merely jingling of a bell.
I rushed into a restaurant to get a hasty meal
And told the waiter I should like a little bit of veal.
He wandered off. An hour passed. I summoned him once more,
And gave again the order I had given him before.
He gazed out through the window with a look quite far away;
About his lips a furtive smile was making a display.
“ I'm very sorry ,” he remarked. “ The veal-man isn't here .
But when he comes I'll tell him what you want avec plaisir.”
'Twas then I learned this precious clam
Served nothing else but pickled ham.
The pipes were bursting everywhere, and floods were all about.
The parlor was so flooded the piano floated out.
The dining-room was deluged with a freshet so immense
It made the storied Ganges look like twenty-seven cents.
I quickly 'phoned the plumber, and he answered me at once,
But acted like a copper-fastened, armor-plated dunce.
“ Why don't you get to work? ” I cried, so mad I scarce could speak.
“ You asked me what the matter was ,” said he, “ and it's a leak .”
His sphere was of the special type
Of merely looking at a pipe.
Some time ago quite carelessly I fell into the sea.
The water was so deep and rough 'twas quite too much for me.
I felt myself a-going down, and then with maddened yelp
I called to some one on the shore imploring speedy help.
He waved his hand most affably and said he wished he might
Do something that would help me in my most distressing plight.
“ I'm sorry, friend ,” he roared to me. “ I'd help you if I could ,
But I'm devoting all my time to chopping kindling-wood.”
And that is how it came to be
That I was drownded in the sea!
His uniform was spandy, and his buttons they were fine.
I asked him would he tell me where I ought to leave the tram
To get the nearest Ferry to North Central Rotterdam.
He paid me no attention but danced gayly down the aisle
With very supercilious and irritating smile.
Again I put the question, and he coldly answered me:
“When seeking information ask Conductor Twenty-three!”
His specialty I now saw well
Was merely jingling of a bell.
I rushed into a restaurant to get a hasty meal
And told the waiter I should like a little bit of veal.
He wandered off. An hour passed. I summoned him once more,
And gave again the order I had given him before.
He gazed out through the window with a look quite far away;
About his lips a furtive smile was making a display.
“ I'm very sorry ,” he remarked. “ The veal-man isn't here .
But when he comes I'll tell him what you want avec plaisir.”
'Twas then I learned this precious clam
Served nothing else but pickled ham.
The pipes were bursting everywhere, and floods were all about.
The parlor was so flooded the piano floated out.
The dining-room was deluged with a freshet so immense
It made the storied Ganges look like twenty-seven cents.
I quickly 'phoned the plumber, and he answered me at once,
But acted like a copper-fastened, armor-plated dunce.
“ Why don't you get to work? ” I cried, so mad I scarce could speak.
“ You asked me what the matter was ,” said he, “ and it's a leak .”
His sphere was of the special type
Of merely looking at a pipe.
Some time ago quite carelessly I fell into the sea.
The water was so deep and rough 'twas quite too much for me.
I felt myself a-going down, and then with maddened yelp
I called to some one on the shore imploring speedy help.
He waved his hand most affably and said he wished he might
Do something that would help me in my most distressing plight.
“ I'm sorry, friend ,” he roared to me. “ I'd help you if I could ,
But I'm devoting all my time to chopping kindling-wood.”
And that is how it came to be
That I was drownded in the sea!