Classic Poem

Our good ol' Elder Hombleton he said he thought I ought
To git acquainted with the lords an' emperors of thought;
He said I had sich nateral capacities of mind
That I ought to git familiar with the thinkers of mankind.
An' so he fetched me Shakespeare's plays, an' Milton's poems, too,
An' ol' George Eliot's novels next for me to waller through.
An' so I wallered through 'em all, read through the whole long shelf:
An' all the more I read their stuff the more I loved myself.

W'y, now, jest look at Shakespeare: poof! that foolish people praise.
He made a terrible mistake to go to writin' plays,
The man couldn't think; he rambles on and jumps from this to that,
An' I dunno, an' he dunno, jest w'at he's drivin' at.
I've thought more thoughts, out here to work; I've thought more in one day,
More genyuine thoughts than he could stick in one whole ramblin' play.
There might be good plays written, sir; plays number one an' prime—
But I must carry on my farm, an' I hain't got the time.

Now there's John Milton's poetry that makes sich hullaballoo.
'Tain't sense, 'tain't rhyme, 'tain't argiment, an' I don't b'lieve it's true.
They call him a great thinker, hey? His thoughts are great an' high?
If he's a thinker, Lord alive! Good Gracious! w'at am I?
He's got some gift for words, I know; but he can't string 'em, See?
Can't string 'em so they'll make a thought that holds up an idee.
There might be poetry written, sir, chockfull of thought sublime.
But I must carry on my farm, an' I hain't got the time.

Now, there's George Eliot's novels, wall, I never seen the man,
An' I wouldn't hurt his feelin's, but the stuff he writ, I swan!
He tries to tell us stories, but he hain't got none to tell;
W'y, I could tell 'em twice as quick, an' forty times as well.
But I've jest wallered through 'em all, read through the whole long shelf.
An' all the more I've read the stuff the more I've loved myself.
But there might be novels written that would be first-class and prime;
But I mus' carry on my farm, an' I hain't got the time.