Classic Poem

At Union Station

'LL where in the world my eyes has bin —
Ef I hain't missed that train ag'in!
Chuff! and whistle! and toot! and ring!
But blast and blister the dasted train! —
How it does it I can't explain!
Git here thirty-five minutes before
The durn thing's due! — and, drat the thing!
It'll manage to git past — shore!

The more I travel around, the more
I got no sense! — To stand right here
And let it beat me! 'Ll ding my melts!
I got no gumption, ner nothin' else!
Ticket Agent's a dad-burned bore!
Sell you a ticket's all they keer! —
Ticket Agents ort to all be
Prosecuted — and that's jes' what! —
How'd I know which train's fer me?
And how'd I know which train was not?
Goern and comin' and gone astray,
And backin' and switchin' ever'-which-way!
Ef I could jes' sneak round behind
Myse'f, where I could git full swing,
I'd lift my coat, and kick, by jing!
Till I jes' got jerked up and fined! —
Fer here I stood, as a durn fool's apt
To, and let that train jes' chuff and choo
Right apast me — and mouth jes' gapped
Like a blamed old sandwitch warped in two!