Classic Poem

WHEN a man travels, he must not look queer
If he get a few rubs he does not get here;
And if he to Paris from Calais will stray,
I will tell him the things he will meet on his way,
Dover heights — men like mites — skiffery, cliffery, Shakspeare —
Can't touch prog — sick as a dog — packetem, racketem — makes pier —

Calais clerks — custom house sharks — searchery, lurchery, fee! fee!
On the pave — cabriolet — clattery — pattery, oui! oui!
Abbeville — off goes a wheel — hammery — dammery, tut! tut!
Montreuil, look like a fool — latery, gatery — shut! shut!
Laughing, quaffing, snoozing, boozing, cantering, bantering, gad about, mad about,
When a man travels, &c.

Ding dong — post-boy's thong — smackery crackery — gar! gar!
Soups, ragouts — messes and stews — hashery, trashery, psha!
Beggar's woes — donnex quelque chose — howlery, growlery, sous! sous!
Crawl like a calf — post and a half — sluggery, tuggery, phoo! phoo!
St. Denis, custom-house fee — lacery, tracery, non, non!
Silver tip — finger on lip — feeing 'em, feeing 'em, bon! bon!
Laughing, quaffing, &c.
When a man travels, &c.

II.

When a man travels and gets, by good luck,
To Paris, he stares like a pig that is stuck,
And if he's in want of a Guide de Paris ,
He'd better be quiet and listen to me:
Montagnes Russes, down like a sluice — whizzery, dizzery, see saw!
Catacombs, ghosts and gnomes — bonery, gronery, fee! faw!
Mille Colonnes — queen on her throne — flattery chattery, charmant!
What's to pay? Beauvilliers — suttle 'em, guttle 'em — gourmand!
St. Cloud — fête de St. Lue, Bowerem — showerem — jet d'eau —
Bastille — water-work wheel — Elephant — elephant — wet O!
Laughing, quaffing, &c., &c.
When a man travels, &c.

Sol fa — tanta-ra-ra! Shriekery, squeakery — strum — — strum!
Louis d'or — couldn't get more! Packery, backery — glum — glum!
Call for bill — worse than a pill, largery — chargery — O! O!
Diligence — lessens expense; Wagonem draggingem — slow — slow!
Quillacq — glad to get back, floodery — scuddery — sick — sick!
Now we steer, right for the pier, overem, Doverem, — quick, quick!
Laughing — quaffing — snoozing — boozing — cantering — bantering — gadabout — madabout.
When a man travels, he must not look queer
If he get a few rubs he doesn't get here;
And if he from Calais to Paris would stray,
I've told him the things he will meet on his way.