Classic Poem

St James's Coffee-house Silliander and Patch

Thou who so many Favours hast receiv'd,
Wondrous to tell and hard to be beleiv'd,
Oh H——d, to my Lays Attention lend,
Hear how two Lovers boastingly contend,
Like thee successfull, such their bloomy Youth,
Renown'd alike for Gallantry and Truth.
 St James's bell had toll'd some wretches in,
As tatter'd Riding hoods alone could sin,
The happier Sinners now their Charms recruit
And to their Manteaus their Complexions suit.
 The Opera Queens had finish'd halfe their Faces
And City Dames allready taken Places,
Fops of all kinds to see the Lion run,
The Beauties wait till the first Act's begun
And Beaux step home to put fresh Linnen on.
No well dress'd Youth in Coffee house remain'd,
But pensive Patch, who on the Window lean'd,
And Silliander, that Alert and gay,
First pick'd his Teeth and then began to say.

Silliander

Why all these sighs, ah why so pensive grown?
Some cause there is that thus you sit alone.
Does hopeless Passion all this Sorrow move?
Or dost thou Envy, where the Ladies love?

Patch

If whom they love, my envy must persue,
'Tis sure at least I never envy you.

Silliander

No, I'm unhappy, you are in the right,
'Tis you they favour, and tis me they slight.
Yet I could tell—but that I hate to boast—
A Club of Ladies, where 'tis me they toast.

Patch

Toasting does seldom any favour prove,
Like us they never toast the Thing they love.
A certain Duke one night my health begun,
With cheerfull Pledges round the Room it run,
Till the young Silvia, press'd to drink it too,
Started, and vow'd she knew not what to do:
What, drink a fellow's health! she dy'd with Shame,
Yet blush'd when ever she pronounced my Name.

Silliander

Ill fate persue me, may I never find
The dice propitious or the Ladys kind
If fair Miss Flippy's fan I did not tear,
And one from me she condescends to wear.

Patch

Women are allways ready to receive,
'Tis then a favour when the Sex will give.
A Lady (but she is too great to name,
Beauteous in Person, spotless in her Fame)
With gentle Strugglings let me force this Ring,
Another Day may give Another Thing.

Silliander

I could say something—see this Billet doux—
And as for presents—look upon my shooe—
These Buckles were not forc'd, and halfe a Theft,
But a young Countess fondly made the Gift.

Patch

My Countess is more nice, more artfull too,
Affects to fly, that I may fierce persue.
This Snuff box, while I begg'd, she still deny'd,
And when I strove to snatch it, seem'd to hide,
She laugh'd, and fled, and as I sought to seize
With Affectation cramm'd it down her Stays:
Yet hoped she did not place it there unseen;
I press'd her Breasts, and pull'd it from between.

Silliander

Last Night as I stood ogling of her Grace,
Drinking Delicious Poison from her Face,
The soft Enchantress did that face decline
Nor ever rais'd her Eyes to meet with mine,
With sudden art some secret did pretend,
Lean'd cross two chairs to whisper to a Freind,
While the stiff whalebone with the motion rose
And thousand Beauties to my sight expose.

Patch

Early this morn (but I was ask'd to come)
I drunk Bohea in Cœlia's dressing room,
Warm from her Bed, to me alone within,
Her Nightgown fasten'd with a single Pin,
Her Nightcloaths tumbled with resistless Grace
And her bright Hair play'd careless round her Face.
Reaching the Kettle, made her Gown unpin,
She wore no Wastcoat, and her Shift was thin.

Silliander

See Titiana driving to the Park,
Hast, let us follow, 'tis not yet too Dark,
In her all Beauties of the Spring are seen,
Her Cheeks are rosy, and her mantua Green.

Patch

See, Tintoretta to the Opera goes,
Hast, or the Croud will not permit our Bows,
In her the Glory of the Heavens we view,
Her Eyes are star-like, and her mantua blue.

Silliander

What Colour does in Cœlia's stockings shine?
Reveal that secret and the Prize is thine.

Patch

What are her Garters? tell me if you can,
I'll freely own thee for the happy man.
 Thus Patch continu'd his Heroic Strain
While Silliander but contends in vain.
After a Conquest so important gain'd
Unrivall'd Patch in ev'ry Ruelle reign'd.