The Utopian Times
Old Caspar (that's myself) all doings done,
Sits at his creeper-covered cottage door,
Warmed by the rural radiance of the sun.
He watches for the postman to appear,
Knowing that he brings the " newspaper" once more,
And thanks him when he comes. For the austere
Utopian Times arrives but once a year,
(Published on Shakespeare's Birthday) and is, indeed,
The last surviving " newspaper" men read
On our contented island, once the core
Of an inconvenient " Empire," now " no more."
Old Caspar's cheerful. The Utopian Times
Announces that " no credible report
Has reached us, in twelve months, of any " crimes"
Of the once-prevalent, punishable sort.
The antiquated labyrinths of the Law
Have now become entirely obsolete.
Quite lately, for its final " Session," we saw
The last of the old " Courts of Justice" meet
A few " financiers" plotted and acquired
Public opprobrium by their quaint adventure.
(They were condemned to spade-work, it transpired,
By the Vegetable Growers' Board of Censure.)"
Old Caspar's paper tells him that " although
Passion for Literature pervades the Nation,
Books are infrequent. Authors wisely know
That Literature needs lengthy incubation."
" Except for individual recreation,
Interest in " Sport " continues to decrease."
" Scientists report a healthy population . . .
The Seventieth Anniversary of Peace"
" Longevity is prevalent . . ." ( " That's quite true,"
Thinks Caspar, who himself is a hundred and two.)
" Hum-drum," he mutters; and turns the page to find
(Headed " A Curious Relic of the Past")
A paragraph which " takes him back," in mind,
To the Imperfect Age which changed so fast.
" " Lord " Bags, who died last March, despised and old,
Had influence once Employer of no less
Than fourteen hundred editors, he controlled
A vast proportion of " the Public Press "
His catchpenny career was quickly ended
By the " Statute for Prevention of False News "
In later life he stubbornly defended
His methods by asserting that " the Jews
Were a World Menace " ; adding that he had " done
More for the World than almost anyone " "
Thus Caspar read, before he went to rest,
News from the " Social State" where he was guest.
And if you doubt the ingredients of these rhymes,
Buy your own copy of The Utopian Times .
Sits at his creeper-covered cottage door,
Warmed by the rural radiance of the sun.
He watches for the postman to appear,
Knowing that he brings the " newspaper" once more,
And thanks him when he comes. For the austere
Utopian Times arrives but once a year,
(Published on Shakespeare's Birthday) and is, indeed,
The last surviving " newspaper" men read
On our contented island, once the core
Of an inconvenient " Empire," now " no more."
Old Caspar's cheerful. The Utopian Times
Announces that " no credible report
Has reached us, in twelve months, of any " crimes"
Of the once-prevalent, punishable sort.
The antiquated labyrinths of the Law
Have now become entirely obsolete.
Quite lately, for its final " Session," we saw
The last of the old " Courts of Justice" meet
A few " financiers" plotted and acquired
Public opprobrium by their quaint adventure.
(They were condemned to spade-work, it transpired,
By the Vegetable Growers' Board of Censure.)"
Old Caspar's paper tells him that " although
Passion for Literature pervades the Nation,
Books are infrequent. Authors wisely know
That Literature needs lengthy incubation."
" Except for individual recreation,
Interest in " Sport " continues to decrease."
" Scientists report a healthy population . . .
The Seventieth Anniversary of Peace"
" Longevity is prevalent . . ." ( " That's quite true,"
Thinks Caspar, who himself is a hundred and two.)
" Hum-drum," he mutters; and turns the page to find
(Headed " A Curious Relic of the Past")
A paragraph which " takes him back," in mind,
To the Imperfect Age which changed so fast.
" " Lord " Bags, who died last March, despised and old,
Had influence once Employer of no less
Than fourteen hundred editors, he controlled
A vast proportion of " the Public Press "
His catchpenny career was quickly ended
By the " Statute for Prevention of False News "
In later life he stubbornly defended
His methods by asserting that " the Jews
Were a World Menace " ; adding that he had " done
More for the World than almost anyone " "
Thus Caspar read, before he went to rest,
News from the " Social State" where he was guest.
And if you doubt the ingredients of these rhymes,
Buy your own copy of The Utopian Times .
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