Classic Poem

By Ovid , among other wonders, we're told
What chanc'd to Philemon and Baucis of old;
How their Cot to a Temple was conjur'd by Jove ,
So a Chapel was chang'd to a Kitchen at Grove .

The Lord of the Mansion most rightly conceiting,
His guests lov'd good pray'rs much less than good eating;
And possess'd by the Devil, as some folks will tell ye,
What was meant for the soul, he assign'd to the belly.

The word was scarce giv'n — when down dropp'd the Clock,
And strait was seen fix'd in the form of a Jack;
And, shameful to tell! Pulpit, Benches, and Pews,
Form'd Cupboards and Shelves, for Plates, Saucepans, and Stews.

Pray'r-books turn'd into Platters; nor think it a fable,
A Dresser sprung out of the Communion-table;
Which, instead of the usual repast, Bread and Wine,
Is stor'd with rich Soups, and good English Sirloin.

No fire, but what pure devotion could raise,
'Till now, had been known in this Temple to blaze:
But, good Lord! how the neighbours around did admire,
When a Chimney rose up in the room of a Spire!

For a Jew many people the Master mistook,
Whose Levites were Scullions, his High-Priest a Cook;
And thought he design'd our religion to alter,
When they saw the Burnt-Offering smoke at the Altar.

The Bell's solemn sound, that was heard far and near,
And oft rouz'd the Chaplain unwilling to pray'r,
No more to good Sermons now summons the Sinner,
But blasphemous rings in — the Country to Dinner.

When my good Lord the Bishop had heard the strange story,
How the place was profan'd, that was built to G — 's glory;
Full of zeal he cried out, " Oh, how impious the deed,
" To cram Christians with Pudding, instead of the Creed! "

Then away to the Grove hied the Church's Protector,
Resolving to give his Lay-brother a Lecture;
But he scarce had begun, when he saw, plac'd before 'em,
A Haunch piping hot from the Sanctum Sanctorum .

" 'Troth! " quoth he, " I find no great sin in the plan,
" What was useless to God — to make useful to Man:
" Besides, 'tis a true Christian duty, we read,
" The Poor and the Hungry with good things to feed. "

Then again on the walls he bestow'd Consecration,
But reserv'd the full rights of a free Visitation:
Thus, 'tis still the Lord's House — only varied the treat,
Now, there's Meat without Grace — where was Grace without Meat.