When Nobody Listens
At not at all infrequent spells
I hear — and so do you —
The tales that everybody tells
And no one listens to.
" You talk about excitement. Well
Last summer, up at Silver Dell,
Jim Brown and I took a canoe
And paddled out a mile or two.
When we left shore the sun was out —
Serenest day, beyond a doubt,
I ever saw. When suddenly
It thunders, and a heavy sea
Comes up. " I'm goin' to jump," says Jim.
He jumps. I don't know how to swim,
And I was scared ... "
" You ought to see
My kid. He's great! He isn't three.
But smart? Last night his mother said,
As she was putting him to bed,
" Tom, are you sleepy?" Well, the kid —
What d'ye think he up and did?
Laugh? Honestly, we nearly died!
He said: ... "
" Last week I had a ride
As was a ride! We took my car
And ran her over night so far
We had to stop. Just as we came
To this side of North Burlingame,
We tore a shoe; the left front wheel
Got loose and ... "
" Did you ever feel
That dogs were human? Well, there's Bruce,
My collie — brighter than the deuce!
Just talk in ordinary tones —
A joke, he barks, speak sad, he moans,
The other day I said to him,
" Here, Bruce, take this to Uncle Jim,"
And gave ... "
" We've really got the best
And cheapest flat in town. On West
Two-Forty-Third Street. That ain't far —
The subway, then the Yonkers car —
An hour, perhaps a little more.
I leave the house at 7.04 —
I'm in the office every day
At nine o'clock. Six rooms are all
We have, if you don't count the hall —
Though it is bigger far than most
The rooms I've seen. I hate to boast
About my flat; but ... "
" Say, I've got
The greatest, newest, finest plot —
Dramatic, humorous, and fresh —
And, though I'm not in the profesh,
I'll back this little play of mine
Against Pinero, Fitch, or Klein.
Sure fire! A knockout! It can't miss!
The plot of it begins like this:
The present time — that's what they 've got
To have — and then a modern plot.
Jack Hammond, hero, loves a girl:
Extremely jealous of an earl.
The earl, however ... "
Why contin-
Ue types that flourish adinfin?
O tuneless chimes! O worn-out bells!
I hear — and so do you —
The tales that everybody tells
But no one listens to.
I hear — and so do you —
The tales that everybody tells
And no one listens to.
" You talk about excitement. Well
Last summer, up at Silver Dell,
Jim Brown and I took a canoe
And paddled out a mile or two.
When we left shore the sun was out —
Serenest day, beyond a doubt,
I ever saw. When suddenly
It thunders, and a heavy sea
Comes up. " I'm goin' to jump," says Jim.
He jumps. I don't know how to swim,
And I was scared ... "
" You ought to see
My kid. He's great! He isn't three.
But smart? Last night his mother said,
As she was putting him to bed,
" Tom, are you sleepy?" Well, the kid —
What d'ye think he up and did?
Laugh? Honestly, we nearly died!
He said: ... "
" Last week I had a ride
As was a ride! We took my car
And ran her over night so far
We had to stop. Just as we came
To this side of North Burlingame,
We tore a shoe; the left front wheel
Got loose and ... "
" Did you ever feel
That dogs were human? Well, there's Bruce,
My collie — brighter than the deuce!
Just talk in ordinary tones —
A joke, he barks, speak sad, he moans,
The other day I said to him,
" Here, Bruce, take this to Uncle Jim,"
And gave ... "
" We've really got the best
And cheapest flat in town. On West
Two-Forty-Third Street. That ain't far —
The subway, then the Yonkers car —
An hour, perhaps a little more.
I leave the house at 7.04 —
I'm in the office every day
At nine o'clock. Six rooms are all
We have, if you don't count the hall —
Though it is bigger far than most
The rooms I've seen. I hate to boast
About my flat; but ... "
" Say, I've got
The greatest, newest, finest plot —
Dramatic, humorous, and fresh —
And, though I'm not in the profesh,
I'll back this little play of mine
Against Pinero, Fitch, or Klein.
Sure fire! A knockout! It can't miss!
The plot of it begins like this:
The present time — that's what they 've got
To have — and then a modern plot.
Jack Hammond, hero, loves a girl:
Extremely jealous of an earl.
The earl, however ... "
Why contin-
Ue types that flourish adinfin?
O tuneless chimes! O worn-out bells!
I hear — and so do you —
The tales that everybody tells
But no one listens to.
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