Classic Poem

While Delia shines at Hurlothrumbo,
And darts her sprightly eyes at some beau,
Then, close behind her fan retiring,
Sees thro' the sticks whole crowds admiring,
You sip your melancholy coffy,
And at the name of man cry O fy!
Or when the noisy rapper thunders
Say coldly — " Sure the fellow blunders!
" Unseen, tho' peer on peer approaches;
" James, I'm abroad! — But learn the coaches. "
As some young pleader, when his purse is
Unfill'd thro' want of controversies,
Attends until the chinks are fill'd all
The assizes Westminster and Guildhall,
While graver lawyers keep their house, and
Collect the guineas by the thousand;
Or as some tradesmen thro' show-glasses
Expose their wares to each that passes,
Toys of no use! high priz'd commodities
Bought to no end! estates in oddities!
Others with like advantage drive at
Their gain from storehouses in private:
Thus Delia shines in places general,
Is never missing where the men are all;
Goes e'en to church with godly airs,
To meet good company at pray'rs,
Where she devoutly plays her fan,
Looks up to heaven, but thinks on man:
You sit at home, enjoy your cousin,
While hearts are offer'd by the dozen.
O! born above your sex to rise,
With youth, wealth, beauty, titles — wife!
O lady bright! did ne'er you mark yet,
In country fair or country market,
A beau whose eloquence might charm ye,
Enlisting soldiers for the army?
He flatters ev'ry well-built youth,
And tells him ev'ry thing but — truth:
He cries " Good friend! I'm glad I hap'd in
" Your company; you'll make a captain! "
He lists — but finds these guady shows
Soon chang'd to surly looks and blows.
'Tis now, " March, rascal! what d'ye grumble? "
Thwack goes the cane! " I'll make you humble. "
Such weddings are: and I resemble 'em
Almost in all points to this emblem.
While courtship lasts 'tis " Dear! " 'tis " Madam! "
" The sweetest creature sure since Adam!
" Had I the years of a Methusalem,
" How in my charmer's praise I'd use all 'em!
" O take me to thy arms, my beauty!
" I dote, adore, thy very shoe-tye! "
They wed — but fancy grown less warming,
Next morn he thinks the bride less charming:
He says, nay swears, " My wife grows old in
" One single month; " then falls to scolding:
" What, Madam! gadding ev'ry day?
" Up to your room; there stitch or pray! "
Such proves the marriage-state! but for all
These truths you'll wed, and scorn the moral.