Classic Poem

If you my Counsel ask, as oft 'tis done,
Resolv'd before-hand to pursue your own,
You then will call the Counsel that I send,
Scandal, and not the Dictates of a Friend:
But if you really, for your Use, require
The Sentiments you with such Zeal desire,
In these blunt Lines, as in a Mirror, see
All Courts decypher'd in Epitome .

The Court's a Place of Contradictions still,
Where all are Libertines, yet none can have their Will.
Where all are proud as Kings, yet all are Slaves,
All Men of Honour, yet all lying Knaves.
Where most are Fools, tho' seeming Men of Sense,
Cowards in Fact, but Heroes in Pretence.
Where All to All seem Friends, but are not so;
Where true Faith least, for swearing it, they shew:
And Lying still does for good Breeding go.
Where violent Hands can on the great Men lay,
And yet from little Dunners run away.
Where highest Places, Honours, and Command
By basest Servitude and Frauds are gain'd.
Where Joys are short, Vexations long endure,
And Disappointments only there are sure.
Where Womens Love, and most Mens Friendships are,
For seeming free and cheap, to Friends most dear.
Where Men, their Fame and Int'rest to increase,
But elsewhere make their Fame and Credit less.
Where, as by Lotteries, All in Hopes of Gain,
Their Fortunes to augment, their Pockets drain:
Where, as in other Lott'ries too, for One
Who gets a Prize an Hundred are undone.
Where Fools, since Fortune there has most to do,
More of her Favour, and her Bounty know.
Where then it is most Folly to be Wise,
And Wisdom still is made a Sacrifice.
For Wit and Wisdom sly Discov'rers are,
Which guilty Knaves, and Fools in Office, fear:
Whence with Court Secret, and with State Affair
The Wise and Honest but least trusted are.

Honour and Int'rest you at Court will miss,
Where Virtue's scorn'd, and Vice triumphant is;
Where Modesty to Grace has no Pretence,
But is disgrac'd by pow'rful Impudence.
Where Foes by Truth, and Friends by Fraud are made,
And Flatt'ry is the only thriving Trade.
Where proud, great Men, as most in Actions base,
Themselves in Wealth and Honours highest raise.

To Favour then, nor Justice, there pretend,
Where Wit no Patron has, nor Truth a Friend,
Nor Honour will the weakest Side defend.
Where Wit on Politicians is a Spy,
And Lust and Fraud require still Privacy.
Where either Sex, to aid their Int'rest, must
With Honour part, to gain or keep a Trust.
Where Benefits are grudg'd, and come so slow,
They more an Injury than Favour shew.
Since none can there obtain the Boon desir'd,
Till Modesty's shamed out, and Patience tir'd.

With Virtue, Justice, Truth, then ne'er pretend
To gain Friends, where those Virtues have no Friend.
But there pimp, cheat, forswear thyself, and lie,
Shun clownish Truth, and simple Honesty,
To gain Court-Grace, and with the Courtier vie.