Eating in Hall
But now hear what meat there needs eat thou must,
And then, if thou mayst, to it apply thy lust.
Thy meat in the court is neither swan nor heron,
Curlew nor crane, but coarse beef and mutton,
Fat pork or veal, and namely such as is bought
For Easter price when they be lean and nought.
Thy flesh is resty or lean, tough and old,
Or it come to board unsavoury and cold,
Sometime twice sodden, and clean without taste,
Sauced with coals and ashes all for haste.
When thou it eatest, it smelleth so of smoke
That every morsel is able one to choke.
Make hunger thy sauce be thou never so nice,
For there shalt thou find none other kind of spice.
Thy pottage is made with weeds and with ashes,
And between thy teeth ofttimes the cullis crashes.
Sometime half-sodden is both thy flesh and broth;
The water and herbs together be so wroth
That each goeth apart, they cannot well agree,
And oft be they salt as water of the sea.
Seldom at cheese hast thou a little lick,
And if thou aught have, within it shall be quick,
All full of maggots and like to the rainbow,
Of divers colours as red, green and yellow,
On each side gnawen with mice or with rats,
Or with vile worms, with dogs or with cats,
Unclean and scurvy, and hard as the stone,
It looketh so well thou wouldest it were gone.
If thou have butter, then shall it be as ill
Or worse than thy cheese; but hunger hath no skill,
And when that eggs half-hatched be almost
Then are they for thee laid in the first to roast.
If thou have pears or apples, be thou sure
Then be they such as might no longer endure,
And if thou none eat, they be so good and fine
That after dinner they serve for the swine.
Thy oil for frying is for the lamps meet:
A man it choketh, the savour is so sweet.
A cordwainer's shop and it have equal scent,
Such pain and penance accordeth best to Lent.
Such is of this oil the savour perilous
That it might serpents drive out of an house.
Ofttimes it causeth thy stomach to reboke,
And oft it is ready thee suddenly to choke.
Of fish in some court thy chief and used dish
Is whiting, herring, salt-fish and stockfish.
If the day be solemn perchance thou mayst feel
The taste and the sapour of tench or eel;
Their muddy sapour shall make thy stomach ache,
And as for the eel, is cousin to a snake.
But if better fish or any dishes more
Come to thy part, it nought was before,
Corrupt, ill-smelling, and five days old,
For scent thou canst not receive it if thou would.
Thy bread is black, of ill sapour and taste,
And hard as a flint because thou none should waste,
That scant be thy teeth able it to break.
Dip it in pottage if thou no shift can make,
And though white and brown be both at one price,
With brown shalt thou feed lest white might make thee nice.
The lords will alway that people note and see
Between them and servants some diversity,
Though it to them turn to no profit at all;
If they have pleasure, the servant shall have small.
Thy dishes be one continuing all the year:
Thou knowest what meat before thee shall appear.
This slacketh great part of lust and pleasour,
Which asketh dainties most divers of sapour.
On one dish daily needs shalt thou blow,
Till thou be all weary as dog of the bow.
But this might be suffered, may fortune easily,
If thou saw not sweeter meats to pass by:
For this unto courtiers most commonly doth hap,
That while they have brown bread and cheese in their lap,
On it fast gnawing as houndes ravenous,
Anon by them passeth of meat delicious,
And costly dishes a score may they tell;
Their greedy gorges are rapt with the smell,
The deinteous dishes which pass through the hall ...
But now to the table for to return again,
There hast thou yet another grievous pain:
That when other talk and speak what they will,
Thou dare not whisper, but as one dumb be still.
And if thou aught by word, sign or beck,
Then Jack with the bush shall taunt thee with a check.
One reacheth thee bread with grutch and murmuring;
If thou of some other demand anything,
He hath at thy asking great scorn and disdain,
Because that thou sittest while he standeth in pain.
Sometime the servants be blind and ignorant,
And spy not what thing upon the board doth want.
If they see a fault they will it not attend,
By negligent scorn disdaining it to mend.
Sometime thou wantest either bread or wine,
But nought dare thou ask, if thou should never dine.
Demand salt, trencher, spoon, or other thing,
Then art thou importune, and evermore craving:
And so shall thy name be spread to thy pain,
For at thee shall all have scorn and disdain.
Sometime art thou irked of them at the table,
But much more art thou of the serving rabble.
The hungry servers which at the table stand
At every morsel hath eye unto thy hand,
So much on thy morsel distract is their mind
They gape when thou gapest, oft biting the wind;
Because that thy leavings is only their part,
If thou feed thee well sore grieved is their heart.
Namely of a dish costly and dainteous,
Each piece that thou cuttest to them is tedious.
Then at the cupboard one doth another tell:
" See how he feedeth like the devil of hell!
Our part he eateth; nought good shall we taste."
Then pray they to God that it be thy last.
I had liever, Cornix, go supperless to bed
Than at such a feast to be so bested.
Better is it with cheese and bread one to fill
Than with great dainty, with anger and ill-will;
Or a small handful with rest and sure pleasance
Than twenty dishes with wrathful countenance.
That can Amyntas record and testify;
But yet is in court more pain and misery.
Brought in be dishes the table for to fill,
But not one is brought in order at thy will.
That thou would have first and lovest principal
Is brought to the board ofttimes last of all.
With bread and rude meat when thou art satiate,
Then cometh dishes most sweet and delicate.
Then must thou either despise them utterly,
Or to thy hurt surfeit, ensuing gluttony.
Or if it fortune, as seldom doth befall,
That at beginning come dishes best of all,
Or thou hast tasted a morsel or twain,
Thy dish out of sight is taken soon again.
Slow be the servers in serving in alway,
But swift be they after, taking thy meat away.
A special custom is used them among,
No good dish to suffer on board to be long.
If the dish be pleasant, either flesh or fish,
Ten hands at once swarm in the dish.
And if it be flesh, ten knives shalt thou see
Mangling the flesh and in the platter flee.
To put there thy hands is peril without fail,
Without a gauntlet or else a glove of mail.
Among all these knives thou one of both must have,
Or else it is hard thy fingers whole to save.
Oft in such dishes, in court it is seen,
Some leave their fingers, each knife is so keen.
On one finger gnaweth some hasty glutton,
Supposing it is a piece of beef or mutton.
Beside these in court, mo pains shalt thou see:
At board men be set as thick as they may be.
The platters shall pass ofttimes to and fro,
And over the shoulders and head shall they go.
And oft all the broth and liquor fat
Is spilt on thy gown, thy bonnet and thy hat.
Sometime art thou thrust for little room and place,
And sometime thy fellow reboketh in thy face.
Between dish and dish is tarry tedious,
But in the mean-time, though thou have pain grievous,
Neither mayest thou rise, cough, spit or neeze,
Or take other easement, lest thou thy name may lese.
For such as this wise to ease them are wont,
In number of rascals courtiers them count.
Of meat is none hour nor time of certainty,
Yet from beginning absent if thou be,
Either shalt thou lose thy meat and kiss the post,
Or if by favour thy supper be not lost,
Thou shalt at the least way rebukes sour abide
For not attending and failing of thy tide.
But now hear what meat there needs eat thou must,
And then, if thou mayst, to it apply thy lust.
Thy meat in the court is neither swan nor heron,
Curlew nor crane, but coarse beef and mutton,
Fat pork or veal, and namely such as is bought
For Easter price when they be lean and nought.
Thy flesh is resty or lean, tough and old,
Or it come to board unsavoury and cold,
Sometime twice sodden, and clean without taste,
Sauced with coals and ashes all for haste.
When thou it eatest, it smelleth so of smoke
That every morsel is able one to choke.
Make hunger thy sauce be thou never so nice,
For there shalt thou find none other kind of spice.
Thy pottage is made with weeds and with ashes,
And between thy teeth ofttimes the cullis crashes.
Sometime half-sodden is both thy flesh and broth;
The water and herbs together be so wroth
That each goeth apart, they cannot well agree,
And oft be they salt as water of the sea.
Seldom at cheese hast thou a little lick,
And if thou aught have, within it shall be quick,
All full of maggots and like to the rainbow,
Of divers colours as red, green and yellow,
On each side gnawen with mice or with rats,
Or with vile worms, with dogs or with cats,
Unclean and scurvy, and hard as the stone,
It looketh so well thou wouldest it were gone.
If thou have butter, then shall it be as ill
Or worse than thy cheese; but hunger hath no skill,
And when that eggs half-hatched be almost
Then are they for thee laid in the first to roast.
If thou have pears or apples, be thou sure
Then be they such as might no longer endure,
And if thou none eat, they be so good and fine
That after dinner they serve for the swine.
Thy oil for frying is for the lamps meet:
A man it choketh, the savour is so sweet.
A cordwainer's shop and it have equal scent,
Such pain and penance accordeth best to Lent.
Such is of this oil the savour perilous
That it might serpents drive out of an house.
Ofttimes it causeth thy stomach to reboke,
And oft it is ready thee suddenly to choke.
Of fish in some court thy chief and used dish
Is whiting, herring, salt-fish and stockfish.
If the day be solemn perchance thou mayst feel
The taste and the sapour of tench or eel;
Their muddy sapour shall make thy stomach ache,
And as for the eel, is cousin to a snake.
But if better fish or any dishes more
Come to thy part, it nought was before,
Corrupt, ill-smelling, and five days old,
For scent thou canst not receive it if thou would.
Thy bread is black, of ill sapour and taste,
And hard as a flint because thou none should waste,
That scant be thy teeth able it to break.
Dip it in pottage if thou no shift can make,
And though white and brown be both at one price,
With brown shalt thou feed lest white might make thee nice.
The lords will alway that people note and see
Between them and servants some diversity,
Though it to them turn to no profit at all;
If they have pleasure, the servant shall have small.
Thy dishes be one continuing all the year:
Thou knowest what meat before thee shall appear.
This slacketh great part of lust and pleasour,
Which asketh dainties most divers of sapour.
On one dish daily needs shalt thou blow,
Till thou be all weary as dog of the bow.
But this might be suffered, may fortune easily,
If thou saw not sweeter meats to pass by:
For this unto courtiers most commonly doth hap,
That while they have brown bread and cheese in their lap,
On it fast gnawing as houndes ravenous,
Anon by them passeth of meat delicious,
And costly dishes a score may they tell;
Their greedy gorges are rapt with the smell,
The deinteous dishes which pass through the hall ...
But now to the table for to return again,
There hast thou yet another grievous pain:
That when other talk and speak what they will,
Thou dare not whisper, but as one dumb be still.
And if thou aught by word, sign or beck,
Then Jack with the bush shall taunt thee with a check.
One reacheth thee bread with grutch and murmuring;
If thou of some other demand anything,
He hath at thy asking great scorn and disdain,
Because that thou sittest while he standeth in pain.
Sometime the servants be blind and ignorant,
And spy not what thing upon the board doth want.
If they see a fault they will it not attend,
By negligent scorn disdaining it to mend.
Sometime thou wantest either bread or wine,
But nought dare thou ask, if thou should never dine.
Demand salt, trencher, spoon, or other thing,
Then art thou importune, and evermore craving:
And so shall thy name be spread to thy pain,
For at thee shall all have scorn and disdain.
Sometime art thou irked of them at the table,
But much more art thou of the serving rabble.
The hungry servers which at the table stand
At every morsel hath eye unto thy hand,
So much on thy morsel distract is their mind
They gape when thou gapest, oft biting the wind;
Because that thy leavings is only their part,
If thou feed thee well sore grieved is their heart.
Namely of a dish costly and dainteous,
Each piece that thou cuttest to them is tedious.
Then at the cupboard one doth another tell:
" See how he feedeth like the devil of hell!
Our part he eateth; nought good shall we taste."
Then pray they to God that it be thy last.
I had liever, Cornix, go supperless to bed
Than at such a feast to be so bested.
Better is it with cheese and bread one to fill
Than with great dainty, with anger and ill-will;
Or a small handful with rest and sure pleasance
Than twenty dishes with wrathful countenance.
That can Amyntas record and testify;
But yet is in court more pain and misery.
Brought in be dishes the table for to fill,
But not one is brought in order at thy will.
That thou would have first and lovest principal
Is brought to the board ofttimes last of all.
With bread and rude meat when thou art satiate,
Then cometh dishes most sweet and delicate.
Then must thou either despise them utterly,
Or to thy hurt surfeit, ensuing gluttony.
Or if it fortune, as seldom doth befall,
That at beginning come dishes best of all,
Or thou hast tasted a morsel or twain,
Thy dish out of sight is taken soon again.
Slow be the servers in serving in alway,
But swift be they after, taking thy meat away.
A special custom is used them among,
No good dish to suffer on board to be long.
If the dish be pleasant, either flesh or fish,
Ten hands at once swarm in the dish.
And if it be flesh, ten knives shalt thou see
Mangling the flesh and in the platter flee.
To put there thy hands is peril without fail,
Without a gauntlet or else a glove of mail.
Among all these knives thou one of both must have,
Or else it is hard thy fingers whole to save.
Oft in such dishes, in court it is seen,
Some leave their fingers, each knife is so keen.
On one finger gnaweth some hasty glutton,
Supposing it is a piece of beef or mutton.
Beside these in court, mo pains shalt thou see:
At board men be set as thick as they may be.
The platters shall pass ofttimes to and fro,
And over the shoulders and head shall they go.
And oft all the broth and liquor fat
Is spilt on thy gown, thy bonnet and thy hat.
Sometime art thou thrust for little room and place,
And sometime thy fellow reboketh in thy face.
Between dish and dish is tarry tedious,
But in the mean-time, though thou have pain grievous,
Neither mayest thou rise, cough, spit or neeze,
Or take other easement, lest thou thy name may lese.
For such as this wise to ease them are wont,
In number of rascals courtiers them count.
Of meat is none hour nor time of certainty,
Yet from beginning absent if thou be,
Either shalt thou lose thy meat and kiss the post,
Or if by favour thy supper be not lost,
Thou shalt at the least way rebukes sour abide
For not attending and failing of thy tide.