Father Vladimir

with apologies to Lewis Carroll
 
“You are old, Father Vladimir,” the young man said,
    “Yet you fly through the sky like a bat.
Cousin Wilmina claims that you're dead.
    Now why does she say things like that?”
 
“In my youth,” Father Vladimir said with some humor,
    "I rejected that lady once fair.
Mind you own business. Don't listen to rumor.
    And tell me, why should you care?”
 
“You are old,” said his son, “as I've mentioned before.
    Your appearance is nothing but fright.
Is that why you've turned the mirror to the door,
    And broken all others in sight?”
 
“In my youth,” Father Vladimir replied to his son,
    “Of my looks I was very vain.
But now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
    I've no need to see me again.”
 
“You are old,” said the youth, “and should be quite frail,
    Yet you're tougher than gristle or suet.
With your bare fist you can pound in a nail.
    Pray, how do you manage to do it?”
 
“In my youth,” Father Vladimir replied with a smile,
    “I worked out every day at the gym.
I lifted the weights and jogged a full mile,
    Now I'm bursting with vigor and vim.”
 
“You are old,” said the youth, “and I've noticed of late,
    Your behavior has grown very weird.
You won't touch a thing we put on your plate.
    And what's that dark stain in your beard?"
 
“I've answered three questions, and that is enough,"
    Said his father; “I've sired a dud.”
Do you think I can listen all night to such stuff.
    Be off, or I'll suck all your blood.”
 
(First appeared in Aoife's Kiss.)