Who and Whom

Lords Who and Whom went out for a walk.
Who got lost, so Whom was stranded
with no one with whom to talk.
He waited for Who in the no man's land

of the parking lot of the mall,
the site of their Whovian trek.
Then Whom ventured to the halls
where a holiday heyday played in hectic

splendor; Whom tried to spot Who
amid the shoppers who crowded the fest--
Was he wearing a dress? Sporting new shoes?
Confused, amnesiac, needing a rest?

But Who was having a grand old time
popping up in places where Whom used to visit--
teasing the children--till security caught hiim,
and that's not much fun, it it?

Here's the Who whom you were seeking,
the security guard called to Whom,
who was sitting by a fountain, weeping.
The guard dragged Who into a room

followed by the faithful Whom.
The amazed guard questioned
them: Who are you? and Whom said, Whom,
which was not a grammar suggestion,

and Who replied, Who,
which was not a joke answer,
to which the guard said: Whatever you
lords are, you ain't no dancers,

so I'm banning your behinds.
No more Who or Whom on the loose
to mix up people's minds
with everyday use.

It's Lady That that we'll be using
(though she can be a royal pain),
so we'll never have to see the confusing
Lords Who and Whom again.