Classic Poem

Here's a health to the Snail!
Heaven prosper a creature,
Which for merit and modesty
Might be our teacher.
Star-gazers and builders,
The stair-case and spy-glass
Adopted from her,
For her horns form an eye-glass,
While her shell's corkscrew gyral
Suggested the spiral.
Here's a health to the snail,
Whom I bid you admire all.
Content with the comforts
The gods have provided,
With Diogenes' views
She has long coincided.
To breathe the fresh air
From her shell she ne'er issues,
Convinced that to gad
Of her time were a misuse:
Thus shunning diseases
Like snuffles and sneezes,
Here's a health to the snail,
Whom her dwelling so pleases.

Leave foreign comestibles
Of pungent savour,
To tickle digestions
Long dead to home flavour.
She, feeling her organs
In good working order,
In search of provisions
Ne'er crosses the border.
But munches in quiet
The herbage close by it.
Here's a health to the snail,
Beast of regular diet.

Of conduct and manners
Few hold the calm tenor,
And more than one ass,
Apes the lion's demeanour;
But she, though a mollusc,
From nature's own law,
Learns in every dilemma
Her horns to withdraw.
Nor does the audacious
But fries mild and gracious,
Here's a health to the snail,
Of all beasts least pugnacious.
Dame Nature with prodigies
Furnished not sparely,
This privileged creature
Has gifted most rarely.
Because (Executioners
Listen and wonder)
A new head she grows,
If the old one you sunder.
Fact strange in narration
But past refutation,
Here's a health to the snail,
The most blest of creation.
Ye owls stuffed with learning
Who set up as preachers,
Though it seems not your fellows
Learn much from such teachers;
Ye vagabond rovers,
Bon vivants, scapegraces,
Ye masters enraged,
And ye servants sans places;
I pray sing in chorus,
This refrain sonorous;
Here's a health to the snail,
Whose example's before us.