Classic Poem

I' M Bert, p'rhaps you've heard of me, Bert, you've had word of me,
Jogging along, hearty and strong, living on plates of fresh air:
I dress up in fashion, and, when I am feeling depressed,
I shave from my cuff all the whiskers and fluff, stick my hat on and toddle up West.

I'm Burlington Bertie, I rise at ten-thirty, and saunter along like a toff,
I walk down the Strand with my gloves on my hand and I walk back again with them off.
I'm all airs and graces, correct easy paces, without food so long I've forgot where my face is.
I'm Bert, Bert, I haven't a shirt, but my people are well off, you know!
Nearly everyone knows me, from Smith to Lord Rosebery,
I'm Burlington Bertie from Bow!

I stroll with Lord Hurlington, roll in the Burlington,
Call for champagne, walk out again, come back and borrow the ink.
I live most expensive—like Tom Lipton I'm in the swim:
He's got so much ‘oof’ that he sleeps on the roof, and I live in the room over him.

I'm Burlington Bertie, I rise at ten-thirty, then saunter along Temple Bar,
As round there I skip, I keep shouting ‘Pip! Pip!’ and the darned fools think I'm in my car.

At Rothschild's I swank it, my body I plank it right on his front door with the ‘Mail’ for a blanket,
I'm Bert, Bert, and Rothschild was hurt; he said ‘You can't sleep there.’ I said ‘Oh?’
He said ‘ I'm Rothschild, sonny!’ I said ‘That's damned funny,
I'm Burlington Bertie from Bow!’

My pose, tho' ironical, shows that my monocle
Holds up my face, keeps it in place, stops it from slipping away.
Cigars—I smoke thousands, I usually deal in the Strand,
But you've got to take care when you're getting them there, or some idiot might stand on your hand.

I'm Burlington Bertie, I rise at ten-thirty, then Buckingham Palace I view;
I stand in the yard while they're changing the guard and the King shouts across ‘Toodle-oo.’
The Prince of Wales' brother, along with some other, slaps me on the back and says, ‘Come and see Mother.’
I'm Bert, Bert, and Royalty's hurt, when they ask me dine, I say ‘No,
I've just had a banana with Lady Diana,
I'm Burlington Bertie from Bow!’