Classic Poem

SCENE 4

[ Enter WAGNER and the CLOWN . WAGNER
Sirra boy, come hither. CLOWN
How, boy? Zounds, boy! I hope you have seen many boys with such pickadevants as I have. Boy, quotha! WAGNER
Tell me sirra, hast thou any comings in? CLOWN
Ay, and goings out too; you may see else. WAGNER
Alas poor slave, see how poverty jesteth in his nakedness! The villain is bare, and out of service, and so hungry that I know he would give his soul to the devil for a shoulder of mutton, though it were blood raw. CLOWN
How, my soul to the devil for a shoulder of mutton though 'twere blood raw? Not so good friend; by'rlady, I had need have it well roasted, and good sauce to it, if I pay so dear. WAGNER
Well, wilt thou serve me, and I'll make thee go like qui mihi discipulus ? CLOWN
How, in verse? WAGNER
No sirra; in beaten silk and stavesacre. CLOWN
How, how, knavesacre? Ay I thought that was all the land his father left him! Do ye hear, I would be sorry to rob you of your living. WAGNER
Sirra, I say in stavesacre. CLOWN
Oho, oho, stavesacre! Why then belike, if I were your man, I should be full of vermin. WAGNER
So thou shalt, whether thou be'st with me or no. But sirra, leave your jesting, and bind your self presently unto me for seven years, or I'll turn all the lice about thee into familiars, and they shall tear thee in pieces. CLOWN
Do you hear, sir? You may save that labor: they are too familiar with me already — zounds, they are as bold with my flesh as if they had paid for my meat and drink. WAGNER
Well, do you hear, sirra? Hold, take these guilders. CLOWN
Gridirons; what be they? WAGNER
Why, French crowns. CLOWN
'Mass, but for the name of French crowns a man were as good have as many English counters! And what should I do with these? WAGNER
Why, now, sirra, thou art at an hour's warning whensoever or wheresoever the devil shall fetch thee. CLOWN
No, no, here take your gridirons again. WAGNER
Truly I'll none of them. CLOWN
Truly but you shall. WAGNER
Bear witness I gave them him. CLOWN
Bear witness I give them you again. WAGNER
Well, I will cause two devils presently to fetch thee away. Baliol and Belcher! CLOWN
Let your Baliol and your Belcher come here, and I'll knock them, they were never so knocked since they were devils! Say I should kill one of them, what would folks say? Do ye see yonder tall fellow in the round slop? He has killed the devil! So I should be called "Killdevil" all the parish over.
[ Enter two DEVILS , and the CLOWN runs up and down crying .] WAGNER
Baliol and Belcher, spirits, away![ Exeunt DEVILS .] CLOWN
What, are they gone? A vengeance on them! They have vile long nails. There was a he devil and a she devil. I'll tell you how you shall know them: all he devils has horns, and all she devils has clefts and cloven feet. WAGNER
Well sirra, follow me. CLOWN
But do you hear? If I should serve you, would you teach me to raise up Banios and Belcheos? WAGNER
I will teach thee to turn thyself to anything, to a dog, or a cat, or a mouse, or a rat, or anything. CLOWN
How! A Christian fellow to a dog, or a cat, a mouse, or a rat? No, no sir, if you turn me into anything, let it be in the likeness of a little pretty frisking flea, that I may be here, and there, and everywhere. O I'll tickle the pretty wenches' plackets! I'll be amongst them, i'faith. WAGNER
Well sirra, come. CLOWN
But, do you hear, Wagner...? WAGNER
How? Baliol and Belcher! CLOWN
O Lord I pray, sir, let Banio and Belcher go sleep. WAGNER
Villain, call me Master Wagner; and let thy left eye be diametarily fixed upon my right heel, with quasi vestigias nostras insistere .[ Exit .] CLOWN
God forgive me, he speaks Dutch fustian! Well, I'll follow him, I'll serve him; that's flat.[ Exit .]