Classic Poem

 Then to Leander she made but one stride,
To peer in's Face, which his coy Hands deny'd;
But to withdraw 'em, when in vain she askt him,
She like a Bully , swore, and then unmask'd him;
By force of Arms, since she could not intreat him,
And vow'd she cou'd find of her heart to beat him.
Then poor Leander gave himself for gone,
And thought his Breeches were already down:
And of remorse in her he quite despairing,
Took heart, and spoke out thus, in her own hearing:

 Are you the same that look'd but now forsooth
As if Butter wou'd not melt in your mouth?
She that just now refus'd to bait the Passion
Of gaping Lovers with the least Temptation?
She that did make green Apron fall so low,
One might have seen that Same assoon as Toe?
And rather than she wou'd take up her Coat,
With such a shameless Daggle-tail did trot,
To keep her Followers from sight provoking
Of blew, of russet, or of yellow Stocking?
And while she follow'd was with humble praying
She ne'er look'd back, but gave them all their saying.
She cou'd not speak, at least that one cou'd hear her,
And is she grown o'th'sudden such a Tearer?

  Hero mean while was not abash'd a whit;
But rather glad he Venom had to spit:
I mean, that of his Tongue he was so able,
To which she suddenly was responsible:
And with a shrug, a mouth, and cogging smile,
Such as of wrath a Cuckold wou'd beguil
She said; What, will you be a new-way jealous,
And 'cause I am not kind to other Fellows,
(Naughty Leander ) think that I can be
But from Teeth outward, other ways to thee?
And 'cause for you their Suits I do reject,
Will you inconscionable mine neglect?
As well the Turtle might repudiate
His Female, 'cause with him she'll only mate,
And scorns the common Flocks communication,
But groans out to him (all day) her chast passion;
And 'cause with neck thrust out she shews she's willing,
As well might he (I say) refrain from Billing;
As you, because you see that I am coming,
Refrain the most delicious sport of Bumming;
And (as 'tis falsely said of us) to spight
Others, will not your self, lov'd self delight?
Be't so, I with your hardship am content,
But you for me shall not your self torment:
For in spight of your teeth you shall consent,
To take on me your full divertisement.
So took him round the Neck, and was so quick,
Leander had not time to turn his Cheek.
But scarce cou'd five be told, when with his Fist,
Plac'd in the Pit-hole of her Love-sick Breast,
Her tender Breech he had laid on the Ground,
Had not kind Hassock in its way been found;
Which rais'd up lower end so fav'rably,
That something there Leander did espy
That call'd back to his heart Humanity:
And then taking her up by painful halling,
To expiate his laying her a sprawling.
And mannerly with Leg drawn back did own
His hainous Fault in throwing of her down;
But she good-natur'd Maid, said it was none:
And ask'd him pardon if sh'ad done him wrong.
Alas, said he, good Hero if your Tongue
You had kept to your self but when you kist
I likewise to my self had kept my Fist.
Catso , quoth Hero , was that all the Matter?
Indeed you shan't find fault with that herea'ter,
But try me once again: he cryed Come.
But from her Sluts Trick she cou'd not refrain:
Whereat Leander once more did look big,
And, sputt'ring, call'd her impudent Tom-Rigg:
While she with Court'sie said, No one exact is
In any thing at first; but let me practise
On you a while, and whip me, if I'm missing
A Tittle in your Method nice of kissing;
But sweet Leander , do not turn away
A faithful willing Servant the first Day.
As Courts do say, Assurance innocent
I have, but not as you said, impudent:
I have no harm in me, altho' I'm frolick,
Which most Men (as my Mother tells me) do like.
Therefore but for your satisfaction,
And but to your have now good humour shown.
For as you did observe your self, I'm rugged
To other folkes, ill-natur'd, cross, and dogged:
But wou'd endeavour to please you alone,
'Cause besides you, I can be pleas'd with none.

 With that, she pump'd some tears into her Eyes,
Which into his did pump up some, likewise.
For tears do tears beget, and 'tis a true thing,
The Lovers falling out is Loves renewing.
But while he sob'd, Hero had prudent thought
Of striking on the Iron while 'twas hot.
Therefore took out crack'd Groat from Purse of Leather,
To witness they wou'd thenceforth lie together,
And ask'd him if he'd deign to break it with her?
He chearfully did lend her all his Force;
So they, to join themselves, crack'd Groat divorce.

 Now Lover, mark you well from Custom antique,
I mean thou silly Rogue that art so frantick
To bustle for a Mistress, sigh, and sob,
When thou hast not a Penny in thy Fob:
For all your Pains is lost when you have woo'd her.
If Money you have not your hearts to so'der.
For now not one like Hero will disburse
On Love a grey Groat out of her own Purse.
Nay, they'll not trust on tick a pair of Kisses,
Nor can you trade with Rhimes, or fine Promises.
But Hero was a Lady of a thousand,
Who by her self of her own Heart was cousen'd:
For sure Leander knew no Politicks,
No Lime-twig Words, or subtile fly Dog-tricks
To chase, to circumvent her, or to catch her;
Or where she itch'd did know, or where to scratch her;
For she was forc'd, although 'twas not the fashion,
To put him first in mind of consummation;
And told him, that about some Twelve of Clock
She wou'd expect him with clean Sheets and Smock,
At her own Mother's House, at sign of Tow'r;
But warn'd him he shou'd knock at the Back-door;
And that her old Nurse shou'd sit up, and spin,
To drown the Noise he'd make, and let him in.

 Till that blest time, to th' May-pole, and the Green
She bid him go, to see and to be seen,
Or where he wou'd, might saunter up and down,
And count the Signs, and fine things of the Town:
Or to the Shore to walk, if nothing else
He had to do, and pick up pretty Shells.
But howsoe're himself he chose to recreate,
He should be sure to keep her Honour's Secret.
There are, quoth she, who kill a Woman's Honour,
Rather, than lose their Glory to have won her.
But were there Justice, sure they shou'd have reason
By Halter done, to their pernicious Treason.
For plaguy, and unspeakable's the wrong
To the whole world by those Blabs of their tongue
Many an Innocent on both sides mourn,
Look pale, and pine away, in Feavers burn,
And can't trust, nor be trusted for good turn,
But he who is of Female good Name chary,
With the whole Sex is sure as't were to marry.
Be warn'd Leander then; for I defie
'Till now the World to say, that black's my Eye;
And none cou'd touch my Reputation
Till now with man I've been two hours alone;
Which lest that it shou'd come to be Town-talk,
Prithee my sweet Leander , let us walk.—
Why don't you wag, my Heart, why do you stay?
Quoth he, D'y' think that I'll lead you the way?
Sure, sure, fair Hero , I'll not go before ye:
—Pish, pish, (quoth she again) that's such a Story—
I am the Priestess, and must shut the door;
Leave Fooling prithee, and go on before;
Only remember that you keep your hour,
And when 'tis dark, find out your way to th' Tow'r.