Love Tricks, or, The School Of Complement - Act V
ACT V. SCENE I.
A Part of the Country.
INFORTUNIO lying on the ground, attended by SELINA habited like Antonio, FELICE , and Shepherds.
Infor. I do not know this place, nor who you are,
Nor know I yet myself.
Sel. Infortunio.
Infor. That name I once did answer to, but then
I was not banish'd to a wilderness,
Nor slept on such a bed.
Oh, — —
If I be he, whom you call Infortunio,
Tell me how I came hither. Dost thou weep?
I prithee tell me, boy, why do those tears
Drown thy fair cheeks? But that they will not shew
Manly in me, I'd force my eyes to weep too,
And we would sit upon a bank, and play
Drop-tear, till one were bankrupt. You amaze me:
I ask how I came hither; answer me
With other language, if you do not mean
I came by water, which you might express too
In words as well, nay, better; for you now
Are cruel to yourselves, and murder me. —
Tell, or I shall be mad.
Sel. Oh, stay; [that] that brought Infortunio hither,
You have now told yourself: distraction brought you.
Infor. Ha! distraction? now you increase my wonder:
Was I mad, or do not you, by answering,
Study to make me so? Why should I be mad?
Or, being so, how came I well again?
For, if I dream not, I am well and calm.
Sel. You owe this shepherdess for your restore,
Whose skill heaven made so happy.
Infor. Did you, fair shepherdess, restore me then,
And by your art recover nature's loss?
All my well-being's your's; but yet, if you
Could so physician-like cure the disease
Which is but the effect of some distemper,
You then should know the cause; for else you are
Uncertain in your applications.
Pray tell me then, why was I mad?
Fel. This lad can tell you that better than I;
But if his sorrow will not let his tongue
Deliver it, I'll tell you, sir; you were in love.
Infor. With whom, I pray?
Fel. One whom they call Selina.
Infor. Ha! Selina?
In what a depth of black forgetfulness
Is Infortunio fallen into? Selina!
Could I forget Selina? oh, shepherdess,
I was not mad till now; for can I be
Myself, and forget her? Oh, in this question
I am undone: for I do hold myself,
And all my understanding, by her name.
I am a beggar, she hath purchas'd all;
Nor am I master of one thought of comfort
I borrow not from her; what curse was fallen
Upon my memory, to forget Selina?
Sel. Sir, you remember her too well, unless
She would deserve it better.
Infor. It is not in her power to deserve, boy,
For she is now beholding for herself
Unto another. Oh, this tears my soul.
You did not well to release me of my furies,
And make me sensible again of that
Was my first corrosive; it was unfriendly:
Oh, 'twas a happiness to be mad, stark mad,
For she being lost, what have I else to lose?
I was all her's, I gave myself away;
And deeds of gift should hold.
Sel. Why should you be so passionate? let once reason,
So late recovered, teach you love yourself,
Reserv'd for nobler fortune.
Infor. It is true,
I am a very fool in doing so;
And will you be my mistress then, and teach me
How to forget myself? — What sayst [thou] boy?
Shall I be shepherd too? I will live here,
And have thy company, thou art like my love. —
Shall we, shepherdess?
Fel. With all my heart.
Infor. Come, let's sit down awhile; nature hath spread
Her carpets for us here; this is the lowest,
And yet 'tis higher than a palace. Pray
Teach me your shepherds life; now I do long
To be a woodman too, and you shall do
A double cure upon me.
Enter GASPARO , and Gorgon disguised as a Shepherdess .
Gasp. Stay; yonder are some shepherds, let's on this bank sit down and prattle. — And how long is it, since your sweetheart forsook you?
Gory. It will be a quarter of a year, next grass.
Gasp. Alas, poor Mopsa; but come, put him out of thy mind, sing him away.
Gorg. Laugh and sing him to his grave, shall I?
Gasp. And never love him more.
Gorg. Oh no; his love, like a canker, hath eat such a great hole into my heart, I cannot forget him; but I'll sing a song of him.
Gasp. Prithee do.
Infor. Here's innocence of all sides; who would live
Out of this commonwealth, where honest swains
Are lords and subjects? Here is no acquaintance
With craft and falsehood; all their souls are clad
In true simplicity; I will take truce
With care awhile, to talk with this poor wench. —
Mopsa I heard you nam'd, pray tell me, were you in love?
Gorg. Yes, forsooth.
Infor. With whom, forsooth?
Gorg. With a gentleman that has proved unkind, forsooth, broken his vows and oaths, forsooth; he made much of me, time was, before his father died, forsooth, who was a good yeoman; then he kissed me, forsooth, and colled; surreverence! but now he scorns Mopsa: I was his equal once, and have danced with him upon our church green in a morris ere now.
Infor. Alas, alas! has [he] forsaken thee?
Gorg. He is now about to commit matrimonial business with a young girl, I wiss.
Gasp. [ aside. ] — 'Tis she. I'll have a trick to know it. —
Blessings on you, shepherdess,
Yet by this hand, you are no less.
You were in love with a fair man;
Crost by a father, [you] began
This shepherd's life, and russet weed.
Is it not the truth I read?
Ha, ha?
Fel. Sir, are you a fortune-teller?
Gasp. No, I am a fool; and yet I know
Something, though you think not so.
Fel. Do you see all this here?
Gasp. That, and more: in this table
Lies your story; 'tis no fable,
Not a line within your hand
But I easily understand:
Your line of life is fair; hard by
Ascends that of prosperity,
But broken in the midst o' th' mount
Of Saturn here, which ill we count,
Ha! triangle and mercurial line!
But Venus is no friend of thine.
Infor. How now, palmistry? believe him not.
Gasp. In your face your fate is wrote;
You lov'd a woman, she not you,
You know whether I say true,
Her name began with S; but she
Shall never be enjoy'd by thee.
She's married now to one that's old,
But very rich: — your fortune's told.
Infor. Beshrew me, he has cunning.
Sel. Do you believe him, sir?
Gory. Believe him? nay, you may believe him; he's abomination cunning, man; he told me my fortune as right as if he had been in my belly.
1 Shep. Does thy fortune lie in thy belly then, sweetheart?
Gorg. Partly, sir, as other women's fortunes do.
Gasp. Damsel, you have yet a fate
Will make you wonder more thereat;
By collection I dare prove,
That his name, whom you did love,
Began with G; but 'tis too true
He hath slain himself for you. —
Felice! come again; do not believe me; I told thee false, I did but try to gain a knowledge of thee: thy stars owe thee more happiness. Felice! look up, see thy friend alive; I am Gasparo. 'Sfoot, I have made fair work.
Fel. Ha! 'tis Gasparo.
Gasp. Have I found thee! O wench, thou wert unjust,
Too much unjust, thus to absent thyself
From Gasparo; thy cruel father since
Hath wept enough to wash away his error. —
Fates, I do thank you, for this blest direction. —
But, Infortunio, I am sorry now,
I read the truth of thy unhappiness:
It is too true, Selina is beyond
Your sphere of hope: pardon, worthy sir,
The shape I took, was not to mock your fortunes,
But try mine own. — And have I found thee, wench?
Gorg. Oh, no, no, your suit is in vain: Hands off, shepherd.
1 Shep. I will make thee amends and marry; prithee, sweet Mopsa, beautiful Mopsa.
Gorg. Beauty! I do confess I have a reasonable beauty, for black and white, for all other colours are but compounded of them: but the truth is, I cannot so soon forget my old love; though he hath proved false unto me, Mopsa will prove true unto him: oh, an it were not for shame, now, I would die for love.
Sel. Be not dejected, sir; you have a fate
Doth smile upon you. I have a little skill
In that this gentleman seem'd to have some knowledge:
I must needs cross his judgment, and pronounce
You are more happy.
Let not aught your soul annoy,
You that virgin shall enjoy
That you first lov'd, who doth wait
To make your wishes fortunate, —
Ere the sun twice declines to th' west,
You may be with marriage blest.
Gasp. The boy is mad.
Infor. Do not undo, sweet boy, the benefit Thou hast already done me; thou dost utter Impossibilities.
Sel. Then with one argument I can easily Take off your wonders. Look on thy Selina,
That, on the wedding morn, forsook Rufaldo,
Touch'd with a sense of thy indignities,
Thus to obscure me from all curious search
And inquisition, but not hoping ever
To be made thine; now, if true love maintain
The opinion you pretend, thus in your arms
I pour myself.
Infor. It is Selina! Oh, I am rent in pieces
With joy and wonder.
Gasp. Hark you, sir, do not believe him;
Let not passion make you a mockery.
Is not Selina married to Rufaldo? Then am I goose-giblet: I should have been at church with them, but for a crotchet that I had in my pate all the morning. I spake with her father yesterday, and from his mouth I heard Selina was very well. I think I do not dream; indeed, now I call to memory, he said Selina was missed two or three hours on the wedding morn; some figary, I know not what: and Antonio, as I supposed, gone in quest of her, not heard of since: but Selina is sure Rufaldo's wife; or some devil, in her likeness, has abused them all with credulity. This is true, sir, therefore be not easy, do not deserve more pity; this boy is mad, a jugling boy.
Sel. Shall I not be believed then for myself? Am I refused now?
Infor. It cannot be she: troth, boy, thy conceit took me at first with much credulity; but here's our nature's weakness, apt to credit what we affect: were there not too much against it, thou mightest deceive me: oh no, Infortunio is given up, lost to all felicity.
Sel. Since then you put me, sir, to prove myself, let me not be lost; I will not call you what I desire, nor name you sister; give me leave to find myself, I know not where I am yet: my brother Antonio gone! what fury hath assumed Selina's shape?
Gasp. Come, put on a man's spirit, Mopsa.
Gorg. [ to the Shepherd. ] — Well, sir, in regard you are so portunate, although I have forsworn marriage, if you desist constant, you may chance to have a lick at my maidenhead.
Sel. I have it; my brother's lost:
I'll send a shepherd in Antonio's name,
To invite my father hither, and that incubus.
I vow not to forsake these plains, till I
Possess myself, or be rejected quite.
Suspend thy passions, then, awhile, Selina;
To-morrow is the shepherds' holiday,
Which they solemnize with [all] rural pleasures;
'Twill draw them sooner; ha, are they gone?
I will not leave 'em; with this thread I shall
Tread o'er the labyrinth, and discover all.
SCENE II.
A Room in Cornelio's House .
Enter CORNELIO .
Cor. Antonio slain! hapless Cornelio;
My hopes were treasur'd up in him, the staff
And comfort of my age; and is he gone?
Enter ANTONIO , still in disguise , HILARIA , and RUFALDO .
Hil. Hast sent for Bubulcus?
Ant. I have;
Father, let not too much passion soil that temper
Hath been observ'd in old Cornelio.
Cor. Why, was not he thy brother? canst thou think
Thou hast so little share in young Antonio,
That thou darest speak of comfort?
Ant. Sir, on my life Antonio is not dead.
Ruf. No, no; 'tis impossible.
Ant. Bubulcus, on my soul, is a very coward,
And durst as well attempt to take a prey
Out of a tiger's jaws, as see a sword,
With patience, bent against him.
Cor. But cowards in despair prove desperate, And most unhappy.
Ant. O' my conscience I could beat him into a mouse-hole.
Ruf. Nay, I could beat him, and I am sure you can beat me; would I were well rid of you: it is a double misery to be abused, and dare not speak out.
Enter Officers, with BUBULCUS .
Hil. Here's Bubulcus.
Bub. Not guilty, not guilty! an it please your worships, let me not be hanged for a lie of mine own making: it is well known I am a stinking coward. Not guilty, I beseech you; I never drew sword in anger in my life. If you hang me, you undo me for ever.
Ant. Look you, sir; 'tis clear.
Bub. My conscience is as clear as crystal. Not guilty, my lord, I beseech you.
Cor. Didst not thou kill Antonio then?
Bub. Let me be hang'd if I did.
Cor. Stay, he'll confess.
Bub. I confess I told a lie, thinking to have got some credit: but if ever I saw Antonio, since he gave me two or three kicks, which I deserved well enough, broil me o' the coals. Mercy, oh mercy! do not cast me away upon the hangman now, in the pride of my youth. Not guilty, my lord.
Cor. Howsoever fear of death possess him so, I see the murder in his eyes.
Bub. My eyes? would they were out then: do you see murder in my eyes? are my eyes blood-shot?
Cor. His very hand doth shew a guiltiness;
Look how it trembles.
Bub. The fear of hanging hath put my whole body into palsey. My hands guilty? I can wash my hands clean of it; I never killed a fly. By this hand, not guilty.
Enter a Shepherd hastily .
Shep. Which is Cornelio?
Ant. This: what's the matter? what makes this shepherd here?
Cor. I am Cornelio: is it with me thou wouldst?
Shep. If your name Cornelio be,
Contentment and felicity
I bring you: I am sent from one
That doth call himself your son,
Young Antonio, who thus low
Would beg your blessing; prays that no
Affliction too much you dismay
For his absence; bad me say,
If you deign suspend your care
A few hours, and repair
Unto the place of Shepherds by,
To grace their pleasures with your eye,
Antonio will himself declare,
Faithfully what causes were
Of his absence, and requite
These dolours with a fresh delight;
And so farewell, this is all:
Back again I hear them call.
Cor. Oh, stay awhile.
Ant. He is gone, sir. Did I not tell you Antonio was not dead? — But this is strange.
Cor. Do I not dream?
Ant. [ aside. ] — Antonio among the shepherds! if he be there, I am drest, i' faith. — By any means, go, sir.
Bub. Is Antonio alive again?
Ruf. Yes, verily, alive again; let not the hangman fright away your wits any longer.
Bub. I hope I shall choose my own gallows then. Hilaria, you would not believe me; did I look as I had killed any body? Now I hope you will hold me for an innocent hereafter.
Cor. Bubulcus, pray let us have your company;
It doth concern your freedom. Antonio living!
Rufaldo, let us make a merry day on't,
If it be true; If! I do sin against
Discretion to distrust it. O my stars,
I do acquit you all your injuries,
If you possess me of Antonio.
Never did man to bliss more willing go.
Bub. I am glad I am repriev'd. — Come, Hilaria.
Ant. 'Twere pretty if Antonio be multiplied:
Here's Tricks indeed; I am resolved to see
What will the end of this confusion be.
SCENE III.
The Country.
Enter JENKIN .
Jen. Never was Jenkin in such wilderness; her have walked and travelled creat deal of miles in
Jen. Is Selina your wifes in truths and verities, pray you?
Ruf. Do you make question? My wife! I think there is some reason; she is my very dear wife, I will assure you, sir.
Cor. He has got a boy by this time.
Ruf. A boy! Well, I have got something, a pox on your fingers. — [ aside .] — How sayst? is not something done, sweetheart?
Ant , Yes, in my conscience something is done.
Jen. Jenkin was never awl her days have such injuries and contumelies put upon her: was ever sentilman thus abused? Have her made repetitions and genealogies of her plood, for no matrimonies? Jenkin has peat the pushes, and Rufaldos has get the pirds. Hum! her love not to make quarrels and prabbles, but Jenkin could fight with any podies in the urld, awl weapons, from the long pikes to the Welsh hooks, look you now. No matrimonies? her Welsh plood is up, look you.
Cor. Master Bubulcus.
Jen. Master Blew-pottles, have you any stomacks or appetites to have any plows or knogs upon your costards, look you?
Bub. No great stomach at this time, sir, I thank you: alas, I have them every day; they are no novelties with me.
Cor. Come, master Jenkin, I now perceive you loved my daughter; if you had acquainted me in time, I should not have been unwilling to have called you son; but since it is too late, let your wisdom check impatience. I know you are of a noble temper, howsoever passion may a little cloud your virtues; let us be all friends, pray.
Jen. Here is very cood honest words; yes, look you, Jenkin is in all amities and friendships, but —
Cor. Oh, no more shooting at that butt. — [ Music .] — Hark, I hear the shepherds' music, and voice too; let us sit down. I pray Antonio keep thy word.
Enter Shepherds and Shepherdesses with garlands, singing .
1.
Woodmen, shepherds, come away,
This is Pan's great holiday,
Throw off cares,
With your heaven-aspiring airs
Help us to sing,
While valleys with your echoes ring.
2
Nymphs that dwell within these groves,
Leave your arbours, bring your loves,
Gather posies,
Crown your golden hair with roses;
As you pass,
Foot like fairies on the grass.
3.
Joy crown our bowers! Philomel,
Leave of Tereus' rape to tell.
Let trees dance,
As they at Thracian lyre did once;
Mountains play,
This is the shepherds' holiday.
Dance. The Song ended, enter a Masque of Satyrs, &c. and dance; then enter a Shepherdess with a white rod.
Shep. Post hence, satyrs, and give way
For fairer souls to grace the day,
And this presence, whip the air
With new ravishings; hence with care,
By the forelock hold Time fast,
Lest occasion slip too fast.
Away from us; joys here distill:
Pleasures all your bosoms fill.
Enter INFORTUNIO , SELINA , dressed like Antonio, GASPARO , FELICE , Gorgon , and Shepherd. Music .
Sel. Fair nymph, vouchsafe the honour to dance with me.
Ant. Troth, sir, I cannot dance.
Sel. We know you are Selina.
Infor. Your hand, fairest.
Shep. Disdain not, gentle sir.
Jen. Pible pables, with all her hearts, look you.
Gory. Noble sir.
Bub. Fair lady, at your service.
Gasp. I will not change.
Fel. Nor I. —
Cor. Which is Antonio?
Ruf. It will break out anon.
Sel. You are a thief.
Ant. Ha!
Sel. You have robb'd Selina.
Ant. Then I'll make restitution. What are you?
Sel. Antonio.
Ant. The devil you are: faith, deal honestly with me, and I'll be true to thee: who art?
Sel. I am Selina, by my hopes of heaven.
Ant. Ha, sister, then!
Sel. I have no brother but Antonio.
Ant. And I am he. Oh happiness
Sel. If thou beest Antonio, what made thee assume my habit?
Ant. Of that anon. Lives Infortunio?
Sel. He's here, and with him Gasparo, and my sister,
The lost Felice.
Ant. I am ravish'd with this wonder.
Sel. Keep your face constant; the music calls.
Cor. Ha! what means this?
Ant. Sel. Fel. Your blessing, sir; we are your children.
Cor. Who's this?
Sel. I am Selina, sir.
Ant. And I am Antonio.
Cor. Amazement! thou Antonio? he Selina?
Ruf. Ha! how's this? my wife become a man? I confess she played the man with me.
Cor. But who is this?
Fel. I am Felice, sir, your long lost daughter,
Found out by Gasparo, unto whom my vows
In heaven were long since sacred, and I beg
Once more he may be mine.
Sel. As I to be
Possess'd by Infortunio here.
Cor. Stay, children, stay: take heed; you do not know
What strength of joy my fainting age can bear.
You fall in too full showers; like swelling Nile,
These comforts will exceed the narrow banks
Of my poor frailty. Rise, enjoy your wishes,
And be my blessings multiplied upon you. —
Rufaldo, here's Felice, my lost girl. —
Take her, take her, Gasparo, —
Selina, art not thou Rufaldo's wife?
Ant. No, sir, I ventured that, he knows me well;
Hilaria and I were bed-fellows,
At his request.
Bub. How? Hilaria and you bed-fellows? I'd laugh at that.
Ruf. I am abused, disgraced, undone.
Cor. Nay, Rufaldo.
Bub. Why then it seems you were Antonio, that I killed so, and you have, as a man should say, lain with Hilaria beforehand.
Ant. I am not behindhand.
Bub. Nay, an you have tickled her before and behind, tickle her all over for Bubulcus.
Jen. Hark you, is there another Selinas? Bless us awl, here is very prave Love-tricks, look you.
Ruf. Blessing on him! why he hath made stockfish o' me; he has beaten away all my inclination to give my blessing.
Cor. Come, upon recollection, you must make it a bargain; they have, it seems, bought and sold already: it is past recovery, he shall be worthy of her.
Hil. Sir, that you may with more alacrity
Let fall your blessings, know our bloods are pure:
Antonio and your daughter are as chaste
From any sinful act, as when we were
First mantled after birth.
Ruf. Ha! sayst [thou] so?
Ant. It was none of my fault, I am sure.
Ruf. Then my blessings on you: come you are both my children.
Bub. How?
Cor. Amen, and mine.
Why, I am rapt beyond myself with joys.
Infortunio,
Fate hath effected that I begg'd of Heaven
In many prayers for you. Oh my blisses!
Bub. So, so, I am gull'd, my house taken over my head.
Gorg. Sir, you know who I am, I am yet walking terra incognita, I have a great mind to Bubulcus, you know what I have suffered for him, and so forth.
Gasp. Let me alone; so, so: — [ aside to Gorgon .] — Then pleasures run with a stream upon us, but if we shall make a full day of it, here is one more to meet with her match, this poor virgin hath been long in love with Bubulcus. Troth, sir, look upon her pitifully complaining; alas, good soul! — be honest at length, and marry her, prithee do; you know what has past between you, — it is a handsome wench.
Bub. Umh; I do remember she was in love with me, and so was twenty more: what is that to me? Alas, would you have me descend so low?
Gorg. Oh, sir, you sung another song in my mother's dairy, when we sat up all night together, and had a sack posset.
Bub. I do remember such a thing; but what is that? — I'll take it upon me.
Gorg. I beseech you, gentlemen, speak for me, for I will have him; I am ashamed to shew my reasons.
Bub. Very small ones: away, you dirty quean!
Infor. What, has he got thee with child?
Gory. More than that, sir.
Fel. Has he had any bastards?
Gory. Indeed, mistress, I'll tell you; he hath begot three children of my body.
Infor. Fie upon it, no less than three bastards?
Bub. How? nay, she lies falsely; I got but two. — So many I will acknowledge, because they shall not doubt my sufficiency, [ aside .] — had I any more than two? speak, you lying whore.
Gasp. Sir, I tender your credit, there is but two ways; either you must marry her, or give her a piece of money, that is the easiest way; she is poor: for your reputation — —
Bub. What do you think will content the whore?
Jen. Hark you, best for you make some satisfactions to this sentilwoman, or Senkin was learn you more honesties and behaviours towards these umans, warrant you, master Blew-pottles.
Gasp. A matter of twenty or thirty pieces; you can spare them.
Bub. You strumpet, here is twenty pieces for you: do you hear? keep well the boys then; but you shall swear, before these gentlemen, you will never claim marriage. There, be an honest woman hereafter.
Gorg. Yes: bear witness, gentlemen, I do accept his wise benevolence, and will never trouble him with marriage whilst — Gorgon lives.
All. Gorgon!
Gorg. Your servant, and your pardons; nay, Gorgon has had his devices and vagabunduloes, as well as the best of ye: give you all joy! — I wish you wit, sir.
Bub. I am fool'd of all sides; was I a born fool?
All. Ha, ha!
Jen. Stay you, master double colours; there be more fools in the business as yourself: well, Jenkin were even best make shurneys back into her own countreys, and never put credits or conferences in any womans in the whole urld; they all lie and coozen, and make derisions out [of] awl measures.
Infor. Nay, nay, gentlemen, let's all together,
We'll drown all discontents this day with wine;
Let's take up all our fates then, and proclaim
This day new festivals in Hymen's name.
Bub. Stay a little, and I'll along with you. Since I have missed my wench, I'll ask these gentlemen's good wills to a second match, instead of an Epilogue.
Courteous spectators, and kind gentlemen —
Gorg. Why, how now? what, are you mad? will you speak the Epilogue? though you have played a fool in the play, you will not shew yourself an ass before all this company? The Epilogue! I hope I am the wiser of the two, and the better read in complement.
Judicious gentlemen — —
Jen. Hark you, master double colours, and you, goody Gorgons, here is one wiser asses you both, to pronounce the Epilogues, warrant you, and one that knaws — to speak in as good English; — gentlemen, now, sans complement,
Our Love-Tricks have been shewn, and we attend
To know if your acceptance crown the end;
The world is full of tricks, but it will be
A trick worth all to have some plaudite
To these of Love. If then contentment dwell
On you, we shall conclude — our play shews well,
Which we did LOVE TRICKS call, that we mightprove
It was a trick of ours to gain your love.
A Part of the Country.
INFORTUNIO lying on the ground, attended by SELINA habited like Antonio, FELICE , and Shepherds.
Infor. I do not know this place, nor who you are,
Nor know I yet myself.
Sel. Infortunio.
Infor. That name I once did answer to, but then
I was not banish'd to a wilderness,
Nor slept on such a bed.
Oh, — —
If I be he, whom you call Infortunio,
Tell me how I came hither. Dost thou weep?
I prithee tell me, boy, why do those tears
Drown thy fair cheeks? But that they will not shew
Manly in me, I'd force my eyes to weep too,
And we would sit upon a bank, and play
Drop-tear, till one were bankrupt. You amaze me:
I ask how I came hither; answer me
With other language, if you do not mean
I came by water, which you might express too
In words as well, nay, better; for you now
Are cruel to yourselves, and murder me. —
Tell, or I shall be mad.
Sel. Oh, stay; [that] that brought Infortunio hither,
You have now told yourself: distraction brought you.
Infor. Ha! distraction? now you increase my wonder:
Was I mad, or do not you, by answering,
Study to make me so? Why should I be mad?
Or, being so, how came I well again?
For, if I dream not, I am well and calm.
Sel. You owe this shepherdess for your restore,
Whose skill heaven made so happy.
Infor. Did you, fair shepherdess, restore me then,
And by your art recover nature's loss?
All my well-being's your's; but yet, if you
Could so physician-like cure the disease
Which is but the effect of some distemper,
You then should know the cause; for else you are
Uncertain in your applications.
Pray tell me then, why was I mad?
Fel. This lad can tell you that better than I;
But if his sorrow will not let his tongue
Deliver it, I'll tell you, sir; you were in love.
Infor. With whom, I pray?
Fel. One whom they call Selina.
Infor. Ha! Selina?
In what a depth of black forgetfulness
Is Infortunio fallen into? Selina!
Could I forget Selina? oh, shepherdess,
I was not mad till now; for can I be
Myself, and forget her? Oh, in this question
I am undone: for I do hold myself,
And all my understanding, by her name.
I am a beggar, she hath purchas'd all;
Nor am I master of one thought of comfort
I borrow not from her; what curse was fallen
Upon my memory, to forget Selina?
Sel. Sir, you remember her too well, unless
She would deserve it better.
Infor. It is not in her power to deserve, boy,
For she is now beholding for herself
Unto another. Oh, this tears my soul.
You did not well to release me of my furies,
And make me sensible again of that
Was my first corrosive; it was unfriendly:
Oh, 'twas a happiness to be mad, stark mad,
For she being lost, what have I else to lose?
I was all her's, I gave myself away;
And deeds of gift should hold.
Sel. Why should you be so passionate? let once reason,
So late recovered, teach you love yourself,
Reserv'd for nobler fortune.
Infor. It is true,
I am a very fool in doing so;
And will you be my mistress then, and teach me
How to forget myself? — What sayst [thou] boy?
Shall I be shepherd too? I will live here,
And have thy company, thou art like my love. —
Shall we, shepherdess?
Fel. With all my heart.
Infor. Come, let's sit down awhile; nature hath spread
Her carpets for us here; this is the lowest,
And yet 'tis higher than a palace. Pray
Teach me your shepherds life; now I do long
To be a woodman too, and you shall do
A double cure upon me.
Enter GASPARO , and Gorgon disguised as a Shepherdess .
Gasp. Stay; yonder are some shepherds, let's on this bank sit down and prattle. — And how long is it, since your sweetheart forsook you?
Gory. It will be a quarter of a year, next grass.
Gasp. Alas, poor Mopsa; but come, put him out of thy mind, sing him away.
Gorg. Laugh and sing him to his grave, shall I?
Gasp. And never love him more.
Gorg. Oh no; his love, like a canker, hath eat such a great hole into my heart, I cannot forget him; but I'll sing a song of him.
Gasp. Prithee do.
Infor. Here's innocence of all sides; who would live
Out of this commonwealth, where honest swains
Are lords and subjects? Here is no acquaintance
With craft and falsehood; all their souls are clad
In true simplicity; I will take truce
With care awhile, to talk with this poor wench. —
Mopsa I heard you nam'd, pray tell me, were you in love?
Gorg. Yes, forsooth.
Infor. With whom, forsooth?
Gorg. With a gentleman that has proved unkind, forsooth, broken his vows and oaths, forsooth; he made much of me, time was, before his father died, forsooth, who was a good yeoman; then he kissed me, forsooth, and colled; surreverence! but now he scorns Mopsa: I was his equal once, and have danced with him upon our church green in a morris ere now.
Infor. Alas, alas! has [he] forsaken thee?
Gorg. He is now about to commit matrimonial business with a young girl, I wiss.
Gasp. [ aside. ] — 'Tis she. I'll have a trick to know it. —
Blessings on you, shepherdess,
Yet by this hand, you are no less.
You were in love with a fair man;
Crost by a father, [you] began
This shepherd's life, and russet weed.
Is it not the truth I read?
Ha, ha?
Fel. Sir, are you a fortune-teller?
Gasp. No, I am a fool; and yet I know
Something, though you think not so.
Fel. Do you see all this here?
Gasp. That, and more: in this table
Lies your story; 'tis no fable,
Not a line within your hand
But I easily understand:
Your line of life is fair; hard by
Ascends that of prosperity,
But broken in the midst o' th' mount
Of Saturn here, which ill we count,
Ha! triangle and mercurial line!
But Venus is no friend of thine.
Infor. How now, palmistry? believe him not.
Gasp. In your face your fate is wrote;
You lov'd a woman, she not you,
You know whether I say true,
Her name began with S; but she
Shall never be enjoy'd by thee.
She's married now to one that's old,
But very rich: — your fortune's told.
Infor. Beshrew me, he has cunning.
Sel. Do you believe him, sir?
Gory. Believe him? nay, you may believe him; he's abomination cunning, man; he told me my fortune as right as if he had been in my belly.
1 Shep. Does thy fortune lie in thy belly then, sweetheart?
Gorg. Partly, sir, as other women's fortunes do.
Gasp. Damsel, you have yet a fate
Will make you wonder more thereat;
By collection I dare prove,
That his name, whom you did love,
Began with G; but 'tis too true
He hath slain himself for you. —
Felice! come again; do not believe me; I told thee false, I did but try to gain a knowledge of thee: thy stars owe thee more happiness. Felice! look up, see thy friend alive; I am Gasparo. 'Sfoot, I have made fair work.
Fel. Ha! 'tis Gasparo.
Gasp. Have I found thee! O wench, thou wert unjust,
Too much unjust, thus to absent thyself
From Gasparo; thy cruel father since
Hath wept enough to wash away his error. —
Fates, I do thank you, for this blest direction. —
But, Infortunio, I am sorry now,
I read the truth of thy unhappiness:
It is too true, Selina is beyond
Your sphere of hope: pardon, worthy sir,
The shape I took, was not to mock your fortunes,
But try mine own. — And have I found thee, wench?
Gorg. Oh, no, no, your suit is in vain: Hands off, shepherd.
1 Shep. I will make thee amends and marry; prithee, sweet Mopsa, beautiful Mopsa.
Gorg. Beauty! I do confess I have a reasonable beauty, for black and white, for all other colours are but compounded of them: but the truth is, I cannot so soon forget my old love; though he hath proved false unto me, Mopsa will prove true unto him: oh, an it were not for shame, now, I would die for love.
Sel. Be not dejected, sir; you have a fate
Doth smile upon you. I have a little skill
In that this gentleman seem'd to have some knowledge:
I must needs cross his judgment, and pronounce
You are more happy.
Let not aught your soul annoy,
You that virgin shall enjoy
That you first lov'd, who doth wait
To make your wishes fortunate, —
Ere the sun twice declines to th' west,
You may be with marriage blest.
Gasp. The boy is mad.
Infor. Do not undo, sweet boy, the benefit Thou hast already done me; thou dost utter Impossibilities.
Sel. Then with one argument I can easily Take off your wonders. Look on thy Selina,
That, on the wedding morn, forsook Rufaldo,
Touch'd with a sense of thy indignities,
Thus to obscure me from all curious search
And inquisition, but not hoping ever
To be made thine; now, if true love maintain
The opinion you pretend, thus in your arms
I pour myself.
Infor. It is Selina! Oh, I am rent in pieces
With joy and wonder.
Gasp. Hark you, sir, do not believe him;
Let not passion make you a mockery.
Is not Selina married to Rufaldo? Then am I goose-giblet: I should have been at church with them, but for a crotchet that I had in my pate all the morning. I spake with her father yesterday, and from his mouth I heard Selina was very well. I think I do not dream; indeed, now I call to memory, he said Selina was missed two or three hours on the wedding morn; some figary, I know not what: and Antonio, as I supposed, gone in quest of her, not heard of since: but Selina is sure Rufaldo's wife; or some devil, in her likeness, has abused them all with credulity. This is true, sir, therefore be not easy, do not deserve more pity; this boy is mad, a jugling boy.
Sel. Shall I not be believed then for myself? Am I refused now?
Infor. It cannot be she: troth, boy, thy conceit took me at first with much credulity; but here's our nature's weakness, apt to credit what we affect: were there not too much against it, thou mightest deceive me: oh no, Infortunio is given up, lost to all felicity.
Sel. Since then you put me, sir, to prove myself, let me not be lost; I will not call you what I desire, nor name you sister; give me leave to find myself, I know not where I am yet: my brother Antonio gone! what fury hath assumed Selina's shape?
Gasp. Come, put on a man's spirit, Mopsa.
Gorg. [ to the Shepherd. ] — Well, sir, in regard you are so portunate, although I have forsworn marriage, if you desist constant, you may chance to have a lick at my maidenhead.
Sel. I have it; my brother's lost:
I'll send a shepherd in Antonio's name,
To invite my father hither, and that incubus.
I vow not to forsake these plains, till I
Possess myself, or be rejected quite.
Suspend thy passions, then, awhile, Selina;
To-morrow is the shepherds' holiday,
Which they solemnize with [all] rural pleasures;
'Twill draw them sooner; ha, are they gone?
I will not leave 'em; with this thread I shall
Tread o'er the labyrinth, and discover all.
SCENE II.
A Room in Cornelio's House .
Enter CORNELIO .
Cor. Antonio slain! hapless Cornelio;
My hopes were treasur'd up in him, the staff
And comfort of my age; and is he gone?
Enter ANTONIO , still in disguise , HILARIA , and RUFALDO .
Hil. Hast sent for Bubulcus?
Ant. I have;
Father, let not too much passion soil that temper
Hath been observ'd in old Cornelio.
Cor. Why, was not he thy brother? canst thou think
Thou hast so little share in young Antonio,
That thou darest speak of comfort?
Ant. Sir, on my life Antonio is not dead.
Ruf. No, no; 'tis impossible.
Ant. Bubulcus, on my soul, is a very coward,
And durst as well attempt to take a prey
Out of a tiger's jaws, as see a sword,
With patience, bent against him.
Cor. But cowards in despair prove desperate, And most unhappy.
Ant. O' my conscience I could beat him into a mouse-hole.
Ruf. Nay, I could beat him, and I am sure you can beat me; would I were well rid of you: it is a double misery to be abused, and dare not speak out.
Enter Officers, with BUBULCUS .
Hil. Here's Bubulcus.
Bub. Not guilty, not guilty! an it please your worships, let me not be hanged for a lie of mine own making: it is well known I am a stinking coward. Not guilty, I beseech you; I never drew sword in anger in my life. If you hang me, you undo me for ever.
Ant. Look you, sir; 'tis clear.
Bub. My conscience is as clear as crystal. Not guilty, my lord, I beseech you.
Cor. Didst not thou kill Antonio then?
Bub. Let me be hang'd if I did.
Cor. Stay, he'll confess.
Bub. I confess I told a lie, thinking to have got some credit: but if ever I saw Antonio, since he gave me two or three kicks, which I deserved well enough, broil me o' the coals. Mercy, oh mercy! do not cast me away upon the hangman now, in the pride of my youth. Not guilty, my lord.
Cor. Howsoever fear of death possess him so, I see the murder in his eyes.
Bub. My eyes? would they were out then: do you see murder in my eyes? are my eyes blood-shot?
Cor. His very hand doth shew a guiltiness;
Look how it trembles.
Bub. The fear of hanging hath put my whole body into palsey. My hands guilty? I can wash my hands clean of it; I never killed a fly. By this hand, not guilty.
Enter a Shepherd hastily .
Shep. Which is Cornelio?
Ant. This: what's the matter? what makes this shepherd here?
Cor. I am Cornelio: is it with me thou wouldst?
Shep. If your name Cornelio be,
Contentment and felicity
I bring you: I am sent from one
That doth call himself your son,
Young Antonio, who thus low
Would beg your blessing; prays that no
Affliction too much you dismay
For his absence; bad me say,
If you deign suspend your care
A few hours, and repair
Unto the place of Shepherds by,
To grace their pleasures with your eye,
Antonio will himself declare,
Faithfully what causes were
Of his absence, and requite
These dolours with a fresh delight;
And so farewell, this is all:
Back again I hear them call.
Cor. Oh, stay awhile.
Ant. He is gone, sir. Did I not tell you Antonio was not dead? — But this is strange.
Cor. Do I not dream?
Ant. [ aside. ] — Antonio among the shepherds! if he be there, I am drest, i' faith. — By any means, go, sir.
Bub. Is Antonio alive again?
Ruf. Yes, verily, alive again; let not the hangman fright away your wits any longer.
Bub. I hope I shall choose my own gallows then. Hilaria, you would not believe me; did I look as I had killed any body? Now I hope you will hold me for an innocent hereafter.
Cor. Bubulcus, pray let us have your company;
It doth concern your freedom. Antonio living!
Rufaldo, let us make a merry day on't,
If it be true; If! I do sin against
Discretion to distrust it. O my stars,
I do acquit you all your injuries,
If you possess me of Antonio.
Never did man to bliss more willing go.
Bub. I am glad I am repriev'd. — Come, Hilaria.
Ant. 'Twere pretty if Antonio be multiplied:
Here's Tricks indeed; I am resolved to see
What will the end of this confusion be.
SCENE III.
The Country.
Enter JENKIN .
Jen. Never was Jenkin in such wilderness; her have walked and travelled creat deal of miles in
Jen. Is Selina your wifes in truths and verities, pray you?
Ruf. Do you make question? My wife! I think there is some reason; she is my very dear wife, I will assure you, sir.
Cor. He has got a boy by this time.
Ruf. A boy! Well, I have got something, a pox on your fingers. — [ aside .] — How sayst? is not something done, sweetheart?
Ant , Yes, in my conscience something is done.
Jen. Jenkin was never awl her days have such injuries and contumelies put upon her: was ever sentilman thus abused? Have her made repetitions and genealogies of her plood, for no matrimonies? Jenkin has peat the pushes, and Rufaldos has get the pirds. Hum! her love not to make quarrels and prabbles, but Jenkin could fight with any podies in the urld, awl weapons, from the long pikes to the Welsh hooks, look you now. No matrimonies? her Welsh plood is up, look you.
Cor. Master Bubulcus.
Jen. Master Blew-pottles, have you any stomacks or appetites to have any plows or knogs upon your costards, look you?
Bub. No great stomach at this time, sir, I thank you: alas, I have them every day; they are no novelties with me.
Cor. Come, master Jenkin, I now perceive you loved my daughter; if you had acquainted me in time, I should not have been unwilling to have called you son; but since it is too late, let your wisdom check impatience. I know you are of a noble temper, howsoever passion may a little cloud your virtues; let us be all friends, pray.
Jen. Here is very cood honest words; yes, look you, Jenkin is in all amities and friendships, but —
Cor. Oh, no more shooting at that butt. — [ Music .] — Hark, I hear the shepherds' music, and voice too; let us sit down. I pray Antonio keep thy word.
Enter Shepherds and Shepherdesses with garlands, singing .
1.
Woodmen, shepherds, come away,
This is Pan's great holiday,
Throw off cares,
With your heaven-aspiring airs
Help us to sing,
While valleys with your echoes ring.
2
Nymphs that dwell within these groves,
Leave your arbours, bring your loves,
Gather posies,
Crown your golden hair with roses;
As you pass,
Foot like fairies on the grass.
3.
Joy crown our bowers! Philomel,
Leave of Tereus' rape to tell.
Let trees dance,
As they at Thracian lyre did once;
Mountains play,
This is the shepherds' holiday.
Dance. The Song ended, enter a Masque of Satyrs, &c. and dance; then enter a Shepherdess with a white rod.
Shep. Post hence, satyrs, and give way
For fairer souls to grace the day,
And this presence, whip the air
With new ravishings; hence with care,
By the forelock hold Time fast,
Lest occasion slip too fast.
Away from us; joys here distill:
Pleasures all your bosoms fill.
Enter INFORTUNIO , SELINA , dressed like Antonio, GASPARO , FELICE , Gorgon , and Shepherd. Music .
Sel. Fair nymph, vouchsafe the honour to dance with me.
Ant. Troth, sir, I cannot dance.
Sel. We know you are Selina.
Infor. Your hand, fairest.
Shep. Disdain not, gentle sir.
Jen. Pible pables, with all her hearts, look you.
Gory. Noble sir.
Bub. Fair lady, at your service.
Gasp. I will not change.
Fel. Nor I. —
Cor. Which is Antonio?
Ruf. It will break out anon.
Sel. You are a thief.
Ant. Ha!
Sel. You have robb'd Selina.
Ant. Then I'll make restitution. What are you?
Sel. Antonio.
Ant. The devil you are: faith, deal honestly with me, and I'll be true to thee: who art?
Sel. I am Selina, by my hopes of heaven.
Ant. Ha, sister, then!
Sel. I have no brother but Antonio.
Ant. And I am he. Oh happiness
Sel. If thou beest Antonio, what made thee assume my habit?
Ant. Of that anon. Lives Infortunio?
Sel. He's here, and with him Gasparo, and my sister,
The lost Felice.
Ant. I am ravish'd with this wonder.
Sel. Keep your face constant; the music calls.
Cor. Ha! what means this?
Ant. Sel. Fel. Your blessing, sir; we are your children.
Cor. Who's this?
Sel. I am Selina, sir.
Ant. And I am Antonio.
Cor. Amazement! thou Antonio? he Selina?
Ruf. Ha! how's this? my wife become a man? I confess she played the man with me.
Cor. But who is this?
Fel. I am Felice, sir, your long lost daughter,
Found out by Gasparo, unto whom my vows
In heaven were long since sacred, and I beg
Once more he may be mine.
Sel. As I to be
Possess'd by Infortunio here.
Cor. Stay, children, stay: take heed; you do not know
What strength of joy my fainting age can bear.
You fall in too full showers; like swelling Nile,
These comforts will exceed the narrow banks
Of my poor frailty. Rise, enjoy your wishes,
And be my blessings multiplied upon you. —
Rufaldo, here's Felice, my lost girl. —
Take her, take her, Gasparo, —
Selina, art not thou Rufaldo's wife?
Ant. No, sir, I ventured that, he knows me well;
Hilaria and I were bed-fellows,
At his request.
Bub. How? Hilaria and you bed-fellows? I'd laugh at that.
Ruf. I am abused, disgraced, undone.
Cor. Nay, Rufaldo.
Bub. Why then it seems you were Antonio, that I killed so, and you have, as a man should say, lain with Hilaria beforehand.
Ant. I am not behindhand.
Bub. Nay, an you have tickled her before and behind, tickle her all over for Bubulcus.
Jen. Hark you, is there another Selinas? Bless us awl, here is very prave Love-tricks, look you.
Ruf. Blessing on him! why he hath made stockfish o' me; he has beaten away all my inclination to give my blessing.
Cor. Come, upon recollection, you must make it a bargain; they have, it seems, bought and sold already: it is past recovery, he shall be worthy of her.
Hil. Sir, that you may with more alacrity
Let fall your blessings, know our bloods are pure:
Antonio and your daughter are as chaste
From any sinful act, as when we were
First mantled after birth.
Ruf. Ha! sayst [thou] so?
Ant. It was none of my fault, I am sure.
Ruf. Then my blessings on you: come you are both my children.
Bub. How?
Cor. Amen, and mine.
Why, I am rapt beyond myself with joys.
Infortunio,
Fate hath effected that I begg'd of Heaven
In many prayers for you. Oh my blisses!
Bub. So, so, I am gull'd, my house taken over my head.
Gorg. Sir, you know who I am, I am yet walking terra incognita, I have a great mind to Bubulcus, you know what I have suffered for him, and so forth.
Gasp. Let me alone; so, so: — [ aside to Gorgon .] — Then pleasures run with a stream upon us, but if we shall make a full day of it, here is one more to meet with her match, this poor virgin hath been long in love with Bubulcus. Troth, sir, look upon her pitifully complaining; alas, good soul! — be honest at length, and marry her, prithee do; you know what has past between you, — it is a handsome wench.
Bub. Umh; I do remember she was in love with me, and so was twenty more: what is that to me? Alas, would you have me descend so low?
Gorg. Oh, sir, you sung another song in my mother's dairy, when we sat up all night together, and had a sack posset.
Bub. I do remember such a thing; but what is that? — I'll take it upon me.
Gorg. I beseech you, gentlemen, speak for me, for I will have him; I am ashamed to shew my reasons.
Bub. Very small ones: away, you dirty quean!
Infor. What, has he got thee with child?
Gory. More than that, sir.
Fel. Has he had any bastards?
Gory. Indeed, mistress, I'll tell you; he hath begot three children of my body.
Infor. Fie upon it, no less than three bastards?
Bub. How? nay, she lies falsely; I got but two. — So many I will acknowledge, because they shall not doubt my sufficiency, [ aside .] — had I any more than two? speak, you lying whore.
Gasp. Sir, I tender your credit, there is but two ways; either you must marry her, or give her a piece of money, that is the easiest way; she is poor: for your reputation — —
Bub. What do you think will content the whore?
Jen. Hark you, best for you make some satisfactions to this sentilwoman, or Senkin was learn you more honesties and behaviours towards these umans, warrant you, master Blew-pottles.
Gasp. A matter of twenty or thirty pieces; you can spare them.
Bub. You strumpet, here is twenty pieces for you: do you hear? keep well the boys then; but you shall swear, before these gentlemen, you will never claim marriage. There, be an honest woman hereafter.
Gorg. Yes: bear witness, gentlemen, I do accept his wise benevolence, and will never trouble him with marriage whilst — Gorgon lives.
All. Gorgon!
Gorg. Your servant, and your pardons; nay, Gorgon has had his devices and vagabunduloes, as well as the best of ye: give you all joy! — I wish you wit, sir.
Bub. I am fool'd of all sides; was I a born fool?
All. Ha, ha!
Jen. Stay you, master double colours; there be more fools in the business as yourself: well, Jenkin were even best make shurneys back into her own countreys, and never put credits or conferences in any womans in the whole urld; they all lie and coozen, and make derisions out [of] awl measures.
Infor. Nay, nay, gentlemen, let's all together,
We'll drown all discontents this day with wine;
Let's take up all our fates then, and proclaim
This day new festivals in Hymen's name.
Bub. Stay a little, and I'll along with you. Since I have missed my wench, I'll ask these gentlemen's good wills to a second match, instead of an Epilogue.
Courteous spectators, and kind gentlemen —
Gorg. Why, how now? what, are you mad? will you speak the Epilogue? though you have played a fool in the play, you will not shew yourself an ass before all this company? The Epilogue! I hope I am the wiser of the two, and the better read in complement.
Judicious gentlemen — —
Jen. Hark you, master double colours, and you, goody Gorgons, here is one wiser asses you both, to pronounce the Epilogues, warrant you, and one that knaws — to speak in as good English; — gentlemen, now, sans complement,
Our Love-Tricks have been shewn, and we attend
To know if your acceptance crown the end;
The world is full of tricks, but it will be
A trick worth all to have some plaudite
To these of Love. If then contentment dwell
On you, we shall conclude — our play shews well,
Which we did LOVE TRICKS call, that we mightprove
It was a trick of ours to gain your love.
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