Classic Poem

THE MISER AND MINOS .

Short syne there was a wretched miser,
With pinching had scrap'd up a treasure;
Yet frae his hoords he doughtna take
As much wou'd buy a mutton stake,
Or take a glass to comfort nature,
But scrimply fed on crumbs and water:
In short, he famish'd 'midst his plenty;
Which made surviving kindred canty,
Wha scarcely for him pat on black,
And only in his loof a plack,
Which even they grudg'd: sic is the way
Of them wha fa' upon the prey;
They 'll scarce row up the wretch's feet,
Sae scrimp they make his winding-sheet,
Tho' he shou'd leave a vast estate,
And heaps of gowd like Arthur's Seat.

Well, down the starving ghaist did sink,
Till it fell on the Stygian brink;
Where auld Van Charon stood and raught
His wither'd loof out for his fraught;
But them that wanted wherewitha',
He dang them back to stand and blaw.
The Miser lang being us'd to save,
Fand this, and wadna passage crave;
But shaw'd the ferryman a knack,
Jumpt in, swam o'er, and hain'd his plack.
Charon might damn, and sink, and roar;
But a' in vain, he gain'd the shore.
Arriv'd, the three-pow'd dog of hell
Gowl'd terrible a triple yell;
Which rous'd the snaky sisters three,
Wha furious on this wight did flee,
Wha 'd play'd the smuggler on their coast,
By which Pluto his dues had lost;
Then brought him for this trick sae hainous
Afore the bench of justice Minos.

The case was new, and very kittle,
Which puzzl'd a' the court na little;
Thought after thought with unco' speed
Flew round within the judge's head,
To find what punishment was due
For sic a daring crime, and new.
Shou'd he the plague of Tantal, feel?
Or stented be on Ixion's wheel?
Or stung wi' bauld Prometheus' pain?
Or help Sysiph. to row his stane?
Or sent amang the wicked rout,
To fill the tub that ay rins out? —
" No, no, " continues Minos, " no;
" Weak are our punishments below
" For sic a crime; he man be hurl'd
" Straight back again into the world:
" I sentence him to see and hear
" What use his friends make of his gear. "