Classic Poem

1 June 1643

Since many Diurnals (for which we are griev'd,)
Are come from both Houses, and are not believ'd;
The better to help them for running and flying,
We have put them in Verse, to Authorize their lying.
For it has been debated, and found to be true,
That lying's a Parliament Priviledge too:
And that they may the sooner our conquests reherse,
We are minded to put them in Galloping verse;
But so many Maim'd Souldiers from Reading there came,
That in spite of the Surgeons, make our verses go lame
We have ever us'd Fictions, and now it is known,
Our Poverty has made us Poetical grown.

Munday

On Munday both Houses fell into debate,
And were likely to fall by the ears as they sate;
Yet would they not have the business decided,
That they (as the Kingdom is) might be divided
They had an intention to Prayers to go,
But Extempore Prayers are now Common too
To Voting they fall; and the key of the work,
Was the raising of mony for the State and the Kirke
'Tis only Free-loan: yet this order they make,
That what Men would not lend, they should Plunder and take
Upon this, the word Plunder came into their mind,
And they all did labour a new one to find
They call'd it distraining: yet thought it no shame,
To persist in the Act, which they blush't for to name
They Voted all Persons from Oxford that came,
Should be apprehended: and after the same,
With an Humble Petition, the King they request,
Hee'd be pleas'd to return, and be serv'd like the rest
A message from Oxford conducing to peace,
Came next to their hands, that Armes might cease
They Voted and Voted, and still they did vary,
Till at last the whole sence of the House was contrary
To reason; they knew by their Armes they might gain,
What neither true reason, nor Law can maintain.
Cessation was voted a dangerous plot;
Because the King would have it, both Houses would not
But when they resolv'd it, abroad must be blown,
(To baffle the World) that the King would have none.
And carefully muzled the mouth of the press,
Least the truth should peep through their jugling dress
For they knew a cessation would work them more harmes,
Then Essex could do the Cavaliers with his armes
While they keep the Ships and the Forts in their hand,
They may be Traytors by Sea, as well as by Land
The Forts will preserve them as long as they stay,
And the Ships carry them and their plunder away
They have therefore good reason to account war the better,
For the Law will prove to them but a killing letter.

Tuesday

A Post from his Excellence came blowing his Horn,
For mony to advance, and this spun out the Morn;
And strait to the City some went for reliefe,
The rest made an Ordinance to carry Powder-Beefe
Thus up go the Round-Heads, and Essex advances,
But only to lead his Souldiers new dances
To Reading he goes, for at Oxford (they say)
His wife has made Bull works to keep him away
Prince Rupert , for fear that the name be confounded,
Will saw off his horns, and make him a Round-head
The newes was returned with General fame,
That Reading was taken ere ever he came.
Then away Rode our Captains, and Souldiers did run,
To shew themselves valiant, when the Battail was done,
Preparing to plunder, but as soon as they came,
They quickly perceived it was but a flam:
An Ordinance of Parliament Essex brought down,
But that would not serve him to batter the Town.
More mony was rais'd, more Men and Ammunition,
Carts loaded with Turnips, and other provision
His Excellence had Chines and Rams-heads for a present,
And his Councel of War had Woodcock and Pheasant.
But Ven had five thousand Calves heads all in carts,
To nourish his Men and to chear up their hearts
This made them so valiant that that very day,
They had taken the Town but for running away
'Twas Ordered this day, that thanksgiving be made,
To the Round-heads in Sermons, for their beefe and their bread.

Wednesday

Two Members this day at a Conference sate,
And one gives the other a knock on the pate.
This set them a voting, and the upper house swore,
'Twas a breach of priviledge he gave him no more
The lower the breaking their Members head voted
A breach of their priviledge; for it is to be noted,
That Treason and Priviledge in it did grow,
'Twas a breach of his Crown and dignity too
Then came in the Women with a long long petition,
To settle Militia and damn the Commission
For if fighting continue, they say they did fear,
That Men would be scarce, and Husbands be dear
So plainly the Speaker the business unties,
That presently all the Members did rise
They had hardly the leisure all things to lay ope,
But some felt in their Bellies if they had not a Pope
Some strictly stood to them, and others did fear,
Each carried about them a fierce Cavalier
This business was handled by the Close-Committee,
That privately met at a place in the City
So closely to voting the Members did fall,
That the humble Sisters were overthrown all.
But they and their helpers came short at the last,
Till at length the whole work on Prince Griffith was cast
And he with his troup did handle the matter,
He pleased every Woman, as soon as he came at her
The business had like to have gone on their side,
Had not Pym perswaded them not to confide
For rather then peace, to fill the Common-Wealth,
He said hee'd do ten every night himself

Thursday

This Day a great fart in the house they did hear,
Which made all the members make buttons for fear;
And one makes nine speeches while the business was hot,
And spake through the nose that he smelt out the plot
He takes it to task, and the Articles drawes,
As a breach of their own Fundamental-lawes
Now Letters were read which did fully relate
A victory against New-Castle of late;
That hundreds were slain, and hundreds did run,
And all this was got ere the battel begun
This then they resolved to make the best on;
And next they resolved upon the question,
That Bonfires and praises, the Pulpit and Steeple,
Must all be suborned to couzen the People
But the policy was more mony to get,
For the conquests dear bought and far enough fet,
Such victories in Ireland , although it be known
They strive to make that Land as bad as our own
No sooner the mony for this was brought hether,
But a croud of true Letters came flocking together,
How Hotham and's army and others were beaten
This made the blew Members to startle and threaten.
And these by all means must be kept from the City,
And only refered to the Privy-Committee
And they presently with an Extempore vote,
Which they have used so long, that they learned by rote,
They stil'd them malignant, and to lyes they did turn them,
Then Corbet in stead of the Hangman, must burn them
And he after that an Ordinance drawes,
That none should tell truth that disparag'd the cause
Then Pym like a Pegasus trots up and down,
And takes up an Angel to throw down a crown
He stands like a Centaure and makes a long speech,
That came from his mouth, and part from his breech
He moves for more Horse, that the Army may be
Part Mans flesh and horse flesh, as well as he;
And hee'l be a Colonel as well as another,
But durst not ride a horse, 'cause a horse rode his Mother.

Friday

Sir Hugh Cholmley for being no longer a Traytor,
Was accus'd of treason in the highest Nature;
'Cause he (as they bad him) his Souldiers did bring,
To turn from Rebellion and fight for the King
They voted him out, but, nor they nor their men
Could vote him into the house agen
Sir Davids Remonstrance next to them was read,
From the Cities round body and Isaac's the head
'Twas approv'd; but one cause produc'd denial,
That all Traytors be brought to a Legal trial
For 'tis against reason to vote or to do
Against Traytors when they are no other but so.
Because about nothing so long they sit still,
They hold it convenient Diurnalls to fill
And therefore they gave their Chronographer charge
To stuff it with Orders ad Letters at large.
The King by's Prerogative, nor by the Law,
Can speak nor print nothing his people to draw
Yet Pennyles Pamphletters they do maintain,
Whose only Religion is Stipendary gain.
Who Cum Privilegio , against King and the State,
The treason that's taught them (like Parrats) they prate
These Hackneyes are licenc't what ever they do,
As if they had Parliament priviledge too.
Thus then they consult: so zealous they are,
To settle the peace of the Kingdom by war
But against Civil-war their hatred is such,
To prevent it they'l bring in the Scots and the Dutch
They had rather the Land be destroyd in a minute,
Then abide any thing that has loyalty in it;
And yet their rebellion so neatly they trim,
They fight for the King, but they mean for King Pym .
These all to fight for, and maintain are sent
The Lawes of England : but New-England is meant
And though such disorders are broke in of late,
They keep it the Anagram still of a State
For still they are plotting more riches to bring
To make Charles a rich and glorious King
And by this rebellion this good they will do him,
They'l forfeit all their Estates unto him.
No Clergy must medle in Spirituall affairs,
But Layton nere heard of it, losing his ears,
For that he might be deaf to the prisoners cries,
To a spiritual Goalers place he must rise.
The rest have good reason for what they shall do,
For they are both Clergy and Laytie too
Or else at the best when the question is stated,
They are but Mechanniks newly translated
They may be Committees to practise their bawling,
For stealing of horse is a spirituall calling
The reason why people our Martyrs adore,
'Cause their ears being cut off their fame sounds the more
'Twas ordered the Goods of Malignants and Lands,
Shall be shar'd among them, and took into their hands.
They send spirits for more malignants to come,
That every one in the house may have some
Then down to Guild-Hall they return with their thanks,
To the fools whom the Lottery has cheated with blancks

Satterday

This day there came newes of the taking a Ship,
(To see what strange wonders are wrought in the deep)
That a troop of their horse ran into the Sea,
And pull'd out a ship alive to the key
And after much prating and fighting they say,
The ropes serv'd for traces to draw her away
Sure these were Sea-horses, or else by their lying
They'd make them as famous for swimming as flying
The rest of the day they spent to bemoan
Their Brother the Round-head that to Tyburn was gone
And could not but think it a barbarous thing,
To hang him for killing a friend to the King
He was newly baptized, and held it was good
To be washed, yet not in water, but blood
They ordered for his honour to cut off his ears,
And make him a Martyr: but a Zelot appears,
And affirm'd him a Martyr, for though 'twas his fate
To be hang'd, yet he dy'd for the good of the State
Then all fell to plotting of matters so deep,
That the silent Speaker fell down fast asleep
He recovers himself and rubs up his eyes,
Then motions his house that 'twas time to rise
So home they went all, and their business referr'd
To the Close-Committee by them to be heard;
They took it upon them, but what they did do,
Take notice that none but themselves must know.

Postscript

Thus far we have gone in Rythme to disclose,
What never was utter'd by any in prose.
If any be wanting, 'twas but a mishap,
Because we forgot to weigh't by the map
For over the Kingdom their orders were spread,
They have made the whole body as bad as the head
And now made such work that all they can do,
Is but to read Letters and answer them too
We thought to make Finis the end of the story,
But that we shall have more business for you
For (as their proceedings do) so shall our Pen,
Run roundly from Munday to Munday agen
And since we have begun, our Muse doth intend,
To have (like their votes) no beginning nor end.