Helplessness

Helplessness

Mirror, mirror on the wall
who is the most helpless of them all?
Is it the boy with a grown man’s face,
the little child standing
in a grown man’s place?

You made me the object of your desire,
you didn’t look before you leaped
into the fire.
Now you’re feeling all confused,
the con game has played out,
so now
who's feeling used?

I asked you for honesty and
damn you panicked,
had you shuffling and stuttering
like a tweaked out
crack addict.

So I ask you-
helplessness what does it really mean?
To be tossed and manipulated
by nebulous forces unseen?
To be slayed and laid terminally low,
dragging a wounded and bitter heart
perpetually in tow?

You were the one caught up in wrong doing.
I was just listening
hoping
looking-
being tried and yet tested as true...
So tell me boy,
in the grand scheme of things-
what wrong did I do to you?

Now here I sit-
cigarette smoke curling around my face
forlornly shaking my head,
too emotionally exhausted,
to regroup
and pick up the pace.

Does helplessness have any other name?
Does it hide behind the masks
of grief
or embarrassment
or shame?

I want somebody who is
in it to stay,
not a man-child changing his mind
every other day;
letting his half-witted libido pull him into the frays
born out of cheap, late night talks
and foolish,
yet all too irresistible forays.

So if I risked my heart
and temporarily gave up some of my ability
to reason,
in light of your transgressions
who is really guilty
of emotional treason?

I’m about to bounce
and disappear without a trace.
Leave you standing
with much deserved egg on your face,
but it isn't me
who is the disgrace
or settled for less-
it’s you.

I know you will act like you just don’t care,
but honey pleez, I’m already there.
Yes, you're free to act like that
if you really want to,
but as Celie said to Mister in the Color Purple-
“everything done to me,
already done to you…”

You’ll have to face Karma...
she’ll want blood
nothing less,
and actually my dear, that is the essence and form
of true helplessness.

Mirror, mirror on the wall
who is the most helpless of them
all…