Classic Poem

VERSE

I've been married and married,
And often I've sighed,
I'm never a bridesmaid,
I'm always the bride.
I never divorced them —
I hadn't the heart.
Yet remember these sweet words
" Till death do us part. "

REFRAIN 1

I married many men,
A ton of them,
And yet I was untrue to none of them
Because I bumped off ev'ry one of them
To keep my love alive.
Sir Paul was frail;
He looked a wreck to me.
At night he was a horse's neck to me.
So I performed an appendectomy
To keep my love alive.
Sir Thomas had insomnia;
He couldn't sleep at night.
I bought a little arsenic.
He's sleeping now all right.
Sir Philip played the harp;
I cussed the thing.
I crowned him with his harp
To bust the thing.
And now he plays where harps are
Just the thing,
To keep my love alive,
To keep my love alive.

REFRAIN 2

I thought Sir George had possibilities,
But his flirtations made me ill at ease.
And when I'm ill at ease,
I kill at ease
To keep my love alive.
Sir Charles came from a sanatorium
And yelled for drinks
In my emporium.
I mixed one drink —
He's in memoriam
To keep my love alive.
Sir Francis was a singing bird,
A nightingale. That's why
I tossed him off my balcony,
To see if he could fly.
Sir Athelstane indulged in fratricide;
He killed his dad and that was patricide.
One night I stabbed him at my mattress side
To keep my love alive,
To keep my love alive.

ENCORE REFRAINS

I caught Sir James with his protectress,
The rector's wife, I mean the rectoress.
His heart stood still — angina pectoris
To keep my love alive.
Sir Frank brought ladies to my palaces.
I poured a mickey in their chalices.
While paralyzed they got paralysis
To keep my love alive.
Sir Alfred worshipped falconry;
He used to hunt at will.
I sent him on a hunting trip.
They're hunting for him still.
Sir Peter had an incongruity,
Collecting girls with promiscuity.
Now I'm collecting his annuity
To keep my love alive,
To keep my love alive.
Sir Ethelbert would use profanity;
His language drove me near insanity.
So once again I served humanity
To keep my love alive.
Sir Curtis made me cook each dish he ate,
And ev'rything his heart could wish he ate,
Until I fiddled with the fish he ate
To keep my love alive.
Sir Marmaduke was awf'lly tall;
He didn't fit in bed.
I solved that problem easily —
I just removed his head.
Sir Mark adored me with formality;
He called a kiss an immorality.
And so I gave him immortality
To keep my love alive,
To keep my love alive.