Classic Poem

CANTO I .

Stay your rude steps, or e'er your feet invade
The Muses' haunts, ye Sons of War and Trade!
Nor you, ye Legion Fiends of Church and Law,
Pollute these pages with unhallow'd paw!
Debased, corrupted, groveling, and confined,
No D EFINITIONS touch your senseless mind;
To you no P OSTULATES prefer their claim,
No ardent A XIOMS your dull souls inflame:
For you , no T ANGENTS touch, no A NGLES meet,
No C IRCLES join in osculation sweet!

 For me , ye C ISSOIDS , round my temples bend
Your wandering Curves; ye C ONCHOIDS extend;
Let playful P ENDULES quick vibration feel,
While silent C YCLOIS rests upon her wheel;
Let H YDROSTATICS , simpering as they go,
Lead the light Naiads on fantastic toe;
Let shrill A COUSTICS tune the tiny lyre;
With E UCLID sage fair Algebra conspire;
The obedient pulley strong M ECHANICS ply,
And wanton O PTICS roll the melting eye!

 I see the fair fantastic forms appear,
The flaunting drapery, and the languid leer;
Fair Sylphish forms—who, tall, erect, and slim,
Dart the keen glance, and stretch the length of limb;
To viewless harpings weave the meanless dance,
Wave the gay wreath, and titter as they prance.

 Such rich confusion charms the ravish'd sight,
When vernal Sabbaths to the Park invite.
Mounts the thick dust, the coaches crowd along,
Presses round Grosvenor Gate the impatient throng;
White-muslin'd misses and mammas are seen,
Link'd with gay Cockneys, glittering o'er the green:
The rising breeze unnumber'd charms displays,
And the tight ancle strikes the astonish'd gaze.

 But chief, thou Nurse of the Didactic Muse,
Divine N ONSENSIA , all thy sense infuse;
The charms of Secants and of Tangents tell,
How Loves and Graces in an Angle dwell;
How slow progressive Points protract the Line ,
As pendant spiders spin the filmy twine;
How lengthen'd Lines , impetuous sweeping round,
Spread the wide Plane , and mark its circling bound;
How Planes , their substance with their motion grown.
Form the huge Cube , the Cylinder , the Cone .

 Lo! where the chimney's sooty tube ascends,
The fair T ROCHAIS from the corner bends!
Her coal-black eyes upturn'd incessant mark
The eddying smoke, quick flame, and volant spark;
Mark with quick ken, where flashing in between,
Her much loved Smoke-Jack glimmers through the scene;
Mark, how his various parts together tend,
Point to one purpose,—in one object end:
The spiral grooves in smooth meanders flow,
Drags the long chain , the polish'd-axles glow,
While slowly circumvolves the piece of beef below:
The conscious fire with bickering radiance burns,
Eyes the rich joint, and roasts it as it turns.

 So youthful Horner roll'd the roguish eye,
Cull'd the dark plum from out his Christmas pie,
And cried, in self-applause—“How good a boy am I.”

 So she, sad victim of domestic spite,
Fair Cinderella, past the wintry night
In the lone chimney's darksome nook immured,
Her form disfigured, and her charms obscured.
Sudden her God-mother appears in sight,
Lifts the charm'd rod, and chants the mystic rite.
The chanted rite the maid attentive hears,
And feels new ear-rings deck her listening ears;
While midst her towering tresses, aptly set,
Shines bright, with quivering glance, the smart aigrette;
Brocaded silks the splendid dress complete,
And the Glass Slipper grasps her fairy feet.
Six cock-tail'd mice transport her to the ball,
And liveried lizards wait upon her call.

 Alas! that partial Science should approve
The sly R ECTANGLE'S too licentious love!
A LAS ! that partial Science should approve
The sly R ECTANGLE'S too licentious love!
For three bright nymphs the wily wizard burns;—
Three bright-eyed nymphs requite his flame by turns.
Strange force of magic skill! combined of yore
With Plato's science and Menecmus' lore.
In Afric's schools, amid those sultry sands,
High on its base where Pompey's pillar stands,
This learnt the Seer; and learnt, alas! too well,
Each scribbled talisman, and smoky spell:
What mutter'd charms, what soul-subduing arts
Fell Zatanai to his sons imparts.

 G INS —black and huge! who in Dom-Daniel's cave
Writhe your scorch'd limbs on sulphur's azure wave,
Or, shivering, yell amidst eternal snows,
Where cloud-capp'd Caf protrudes his granite toes;
(Bound by his will, Judæa's fabled king,
Lord of Aladdin's Lamp and mystic Ring.)
Gins! ye remember!—for your toil convey'd
Whate'er of drugs the powerful charm could aid;
Air, earth, and sea ye search'd, and where below
Flame embryo lavas, young volcanoes glow,—
Gins! ye beheld appall'd the enchanter's hand
Wave in dark air the Hypothenusal wand;
Saw him the mystic Circle trace, and wheel
With head erect, and far extended heel;
Saw him, with speed that mock'd the dazzled eye,
Self-whirl'd, in quick gyrations eddying fly:
Till done the potent spell—behold him grown
Fair Venus' emblem—the Phœnician C ONE .

 Triumphs the Seer, and now secure observes
The kindling passions of the rival C URVES .

 And first, the fair P ARABOLA behold,
Her timid arms, with virgin blush, unfold!
Though, on one focus fix'd, her eyes betray
A heart that glows with love's resistless sway;
Though, climbing oft, she strive with bolder grace
Round his tall neck to clasp her fond embrace,
Still e'er she reach it, from his polish'd side
Her trembling hands in devious Tangents glide.

 Not thus H YPERBOLA :—with subtlest art
The blue-eyed wanton plays her changeful part:
Quick as her conjugated axes move
Through every posture of luxurious love,
Her sportive limbs with easiest grace expand;
Her charms unveil'd provoke the lover's hand:—
Unveil'd, except in many a filmy ray
Where light Asymptotes o'er her bosom play,
Nor touch her glowing skin, nor intercept the day.

 Yet why, E LLIPSIS , at thy fate repine?
More lasting bliss, securer joys are thine.
Though to each fair his treacherous wish may stray,
Though each, in turn, may seize a transient sway,
'Tis thine with mild-coercion to restrain,
Twine round his struggling heart, and bind with endless chain.

 Thus, happy France! in thy regenerate land,
Where T ASTE with R APINE saunters hand in hand;
Where, nursed in seats of innocence and bliss,
R EFORM greets T ERROR with fraternal kiss;
Where mild P HILOSOPHY first taught to scan
The wrongs of P ROVIDENCE , and rights of M AN ;
Where M EMORY broods o'er F REEDOM'S earlier scene,
The Lantern bright, and brighter Guillotine ;—
Three gentle swains evolve their longing arms,
And woo the young R EPUBLIC'S virgin charms:
And though proud Barras with the fair succeed,
Though not in vain the Attorney Rewbell plead,
Oft doth the impartial nymph their love forego,
To clasp thy crooked shoulders, bless'd Lepaux!

 So, with dark dirge athwart the blasted heath,
Three sister Witches hail'd the appall'd Macbeth.

 So, the Three Fates, beneath grim Pluto's roof,
Strain the dun warp, and weave the murky woof;
'Till deadly Atropos, with fatal sheers,
Slits the thin promise of the expected years,
While midst the dungeon's gloom, or battle's din,
Ambition's victims perish, as they spin.

 Thus, the Three Graces on the Idalian green,
Bow with deft homage to Cythera's Queen:
Her polish'd arms with pearly bracelets deck,
Part her light locks, and bare her ivory neck;
Round her fair form ethereal odours throw,
And teach the unconscious zephyrs where to blow;
Floats the thin gauze, and glittering as they play,
The bright folds flutter in phlogistic day.

 So, with his Daughters Three , the unscepter'd Lear
Heaved the loud sigh, and pour'd the glistering tear;
His Daughters Three , save one alone, conspire
(Rich in his gifts) to spurn their generous sire;
Bid the rude storm his hoary tresses drench,
Stint the spare meal, the hundred knights retrench;
Mock his mad sorrow, and, with alter'd mien,
Renounce the daughter, and assert the queen.
A father's griefs his feeble frame convulse,
Rack his white head, and fire his feverous pulse;
Till kind Cordelia soothes his soul to rest,
And folds the Parent-Monarch to her breast.

 Thus, some fair spinster grieves in wild affright,
Vex'd with dull megrim, or vertigo light;
Pleased round the fair Three dawdling doctors stand,
Wave the white wig, and stretch the asking hand,
State the grave doubt,—the nauseous draught decree,
And all receive, though none deserve, a fee.

 So down thy hill, romantic Ashbourn, glides
The Derby dilly, carrying Three I NSIDES .
One in each corner sits, and lolls at ease,
With folded arms, propt back, and outstretch'd knees;
While the press'd Bodkin , punch'd and squeezed to death,
Sweats in the midmost place, and scolds, and pants for breath.