Member Poem

Men make me sick
I almost wish they didn't exist
Who could ever predict?
A tragedy such as this
In my own home
While alone
Tears soak the same pillow where he once laid his head
Everyday I am forced to sleep in the same damn bed
Where I once drew blood of my attacker
Why did I shower later after?
Stupid.
So the only evidence they had were my clothes and his blood on my sheets
He was released after a few weeks
I found out the news and tears watered my cheeks
I would drink to numb the pain but the memories were still haunting
Death was the only thing I was wanting

Men make me sick
He taunted me in a sing song voice
I was forced to have no choice
He laughed as I begged for his mercy
The walls are thin someone will hear me I thought
But my cries for help didn't help
I had to endure that nightmare by myself
I was nothing but kind to a stranger
That same kindness put me in danger
I beat myself up for months pointing the blame to my reflection
I was looking for love and affectiom
Must've took a wrong turn and lost my direction

Men make me sick
I'm forced to reminisce
I Live in the same place still, so the painful memories they stick
The sweaty vivid flashbacks still hit
I baracade my door sometimes out of fear he will return
I feel the pressure and the burn
Is this another lesson I "had" to learn?
Will there be another purple heart I will earn?
I know life is a battle and we're all fighting our own war
But sometimes I lay in this bed and wonder exactly what am I fighting for?