Member Poem

Orleans

Told him what to say, didn't ask a thing, walked him crazy, made him wonder why

He was conceived in any place,

Leaned on him, learned him to choose.

 

Orleans,

How are you tonight and tomorrow morning?

How were you the years and years before I knew?

When I pulled the cork out from the wine and had the bottle to my own

And Bon Iver made me cry in the dark, and your cool and humid early mornings contradicted the dryness of my palms as I wrote this freehand, just flowing, not wanting to ever stop, so I wouldn't have to realize 

That I wasn't the one singing such sweetness.

 

Orleans,

Warm my blood, if you can,

Like you did the moment I met you.

Keep me close or let me go completely,

I'm not the one to ever know again.

So know for me.

 

What I did wasn't right, I know it, but my intentions have never strayed

I wasn't there enough and for a moment you were swallowed and I couldn't see your face as it was turned away by a dark, undetermined figure

Let me shake wildly and understand it's just who I am.

You did,

I was here.

 

And the automatic hustle of your people,

The community of desperate honesty in work

That pushes me into the street,

And brushes past me with its cars

'Cause the street is more narrow than the sidewalk and everyone walks toward their own exception.

 

Orleans,

I wish I could sleep, but you are brave enough to let me know I don't deserve it.

See me once everything you have is allowed

I won't be around here anymore and then I'll have to travel back.

 

It was like another time when the moonlight bit the tip of my nose as I looked out suspiciously at nothing in particular.

It smells like something I've forgotten but will soon remember.

It crossed my mind like a dream that someone else had told me they'd had

And I just,

I just...

Followed.

 

Tell me when I can feel again,

And when he's dead,

And that it'll never happen

That anyone I love is struck by uncontrollable arms.

 

And follow me when I stand up for myself

For the first time.

And let those who don't know me

Know that they know nothing when they speak about my

Past,

Present,

Or future.

And when I'm a kid on the curb

Holding pieces of bark and picking leaves

Call me into the footrace

That is being held by untrained adamant manners.

 

And make sure I forget but don't forgive and am never hateful

To those who have carved their nodules in my empathy.

 

Orleans, I am not a saint, but I am still one of you

As my mother picks up my arms to guard me

As my sister gives me breath to stay as calm as she is strong,

As my father watches with misty eyes that make the wispy clouds at night

Float away toward the infinite burning beacons.

Let them bless me as they do

Let them keep my heart a baby

Let me stay,

Let me stay,

Let me stay with all of them,

New Orleans.