Member Poem

i sit on my own sternum weaving strings of discord into gold.

pulling knots, frays

and all that’s strung me out

to fix a way back home to myself

wherever it is i left me, somewhere, lost along the way.

the journey is long. i am tired of looking for rest in bodies.

but Resilience slips from my breath with a sigh.

works herself through these hands as if to say, this work is all for you.

so i reach down past the root.

past crooked scars.

past all the broken things i thought i became & i keep digging.

‘till i heave all the dirt up out of my lungs & finally

...i can breathe again.

i lay all that’s buried me ‘tween the rows of my ribcage.

except this time, i sow seeds meant for the reaping.

tuck them beneath the soul with a prayer and say,

i forgive myself for leaving.    

& with that, my eyes open a morning dew to greet me.

say, I forgive myself for believing you less than whole,

and i watch as my skin stitches itself back together

with a lesson in every seam.

say, i forgive myself for choosing everything, except for me

& with that, my ribs splay themselves open

for a love that begins and ends here.

here, in this laying of bones & dirt.

where a death i thought would end me,

has left me reborn.

i recall Joy before i ask her to remember me,

and she falls over my limbs like rain.

seeps into my roots and i know that at this end,

i am still at a good start.

that i can be mo(u)rning, sunshine or not.

i say I am forgiven

and my mouth opens with a smile.

face set like a new day is promised.

joy sprouts up out the hole in my chest like revelation on a sunday morning.

this dawn is one i can call my own.
i let the sun bathe me until i, too, shine again.
there will be another morning. so i say to myself,
be gentle, you're blooming.