Member Poem

Snarling Cup of Coffee

and other coffee inspired poems

Coffee Poems

I am a coffee addict.  I admit it. Gots to have my daily fix but nowadays mostly decaf but in the morning I have a real cup to get my juices going kicking starting my day with that caffeine buzz going around my head.

I have written 60 poems about coffee and posted them on my blog - along with photos and audio clips of me reading the poems, plus one SF short story featuring an alien coffee trader.

I am sending them to Starbucks and Peets along with this cover letter.

peets coffee

peets coffee
  Letter to Peets

Dear Peets coffee

I am a coffee addict.  I admit it. Gots to have my daily fix but nowadays mostly decaf but in the morning I have a real cup to get my juices going kicking starting my day with that caffeine buzz going around my head.

I have written 60 poems about coffee and posted them on my blog - along with photos and audio clips of me reading the poems, plus one SF short story featuring an alien coffee trader.

I grew up in Berkeley and drank lots of Peets coffee at the original Peets, which I consider the mecca of coffee shops in the U.S.

Once when you were still a Bay Area chain, I took back 25 pounds of Peet’s coffee to share with my Indian friends when i was working at the US Consulate there in 2003.  They loved the coffee!

“My last job
in the State Department
I had my ritual down
I would go ou
after lunch

to Peet’s across from the WH
and buy a decaf Americano
or decaf white chocolate moccha
nutmeg, cinnamon, vanilla
chocolate and hazel nut
whip cream on top

usually took it back
but sometimes
I lingered at Peet’s

soaking
in the Berkeley feeling

thinking back
to all the great cups of coffee
I have had

at Peet’s in Berkeley
the original
and the Solano Avenue
Peets coffee shop”

Now I am retired from my 27years of service with the US State Department as a diplomat, and living in Korea and wondering and hoping that you have expansion plans and are hoping you would open a Peet’s coffee shop in Seoul or even better in Youngjangdo near the airport in the new Howard Johnson's hotel complex next to the subway.

So many Koreans have studied over the years in Berkeley that Peets is well known in Korea.There is a Berkeley Coffee shop in Iteaewon run by a former Cal Student. He loved Peet’s coffee.

Peets is available at the US military Commissary but not in the local market.

I hope you enjoy the poems and you have my permission to publish them if you wish.

the rest of the poems can be found at my web site, the world according to cosmos (https://theworldaccordingtocosmos.com)

thanks

Jake Cosmos Aller

Letter to Starbucks

I am a coffee addict.  I admit it. Gots to have my daily fix but nowadays mostly decaf but in the morning I have a real cup to get my juices going kicking starting my day with that caffeine buzz going around my head.

I have written 60 poems about coffee and posted them on my blog - along with photos and audio clips of me reading the poems, plus one SF short story featuring an alien coffee trader.

Starbucks is my second favorite coffee shop.  Being from Berkeley, of course Peets is number one in my heart but Starbucks is number two.

I used to drink coffee at the original Starbucks downtown when I was a graduate student at UW.  Who knew that Starbucks would conquer the know universe?

here is Korea there seems to be a Starbucks on every corner.  But alas, no Peets.

hope you enjoy the poems.

I hope you enjoy the poems and you have my permission to publish them if you wish.

the rest of the poems can be found at my web site, the world according to cosmos (https://theworldaccordingtocosmos.com)

thanks

Jake Cosmos Aller

Index

Snarling Cup of Coffee
Coffee Revolution
Ode to Coffee
No more Coffee Blues
Coffee Ya Du
Morning cup of coffee
Drinking Coffee in the Morning
Coffee Pot Killed
Drinking My Coffee
morning coffee/dawning sun
    Coffee McGur Poem
Hot Coffee
Electrified Hot Coffee
Coffee Patina
Hot Coffee Che Chu poem
Coffee Love Thoughts
Morning Coffee
Morning Coffee 2
    Morning coffee 3
    Coffee Terzanelle
Coffee Aquarian
coffee
    Japanese Coffee Barista
    watching the news while drinking coffee
    Vietnamese Coffee Lady
    Coffee Sends Me to Heaven then Crashes to Hell
      Coffee Haiku
      God in My Coffee
    Revolution in My Cup of Coffee
    God Drinks Coffee
      Coffee Haiku 2
Coffee thoughts
Coffee how I love thee
Coffee Transports me to another world
Coffee Desires
Snarling Cup of Coffee Short version
Ode to Coffee short version*
Coffee My Secret Lover  short version
Coffee the Drink of Revolutionaries short version
No More Coffee Blues *short version
Coffee Revolution short version
Daily Coffee Fix
Need More Coffee
Rude Thoughts
Working Blues
This morning
Thoughts While Shaving and Drinking Coffee
Coffee Love Hate Affair
Coffee Blues
Tabang Memories
Impure Thoughts in the Coffee Line
Coffee Acrostic
Coffee Jones
Peets Mecca of Coffee Lovers
Perfect Cup of Coffee
Peets Coffee
Starbucks Coffee
Last Man in Berkeley Drinking Coffee at Peet’s
Non-Establishment Coffee
Korean Coffee Shops
Coffee CinqTroisdecaLaRhyme 
Coffee Lai
Coffee Soledad
Alien Coffee Merchant short story

too much coffee
Snarling Cup of Coffee    

I like to start my day with a hot cup of coffee
I pound down the coffee
First thing I do every day
as the dawning sun
Lights up my lonesome room

Yeah, but not just a simple cup of java Joe, but a God damn snarling sarcastic smarmy cup of coffee

I mean, - we are talking about an alcoholic, all speed ahead, always hot, always fresh, always there when I need it, angry, attitude talk to the hand Ztude, bad, bad assed, beats breaking, beatnik, bluesy, bitter, bitchy, bombs away, capitalistic, caffeinated up the ass, cinematic, communistic, Colombian grown, Costa Rican inspired, Cowabunga to the max, crazy assed, devilishly angelic, divine, divinely inspired, dyslexic, epic, extreme vetting, evil eye, expensive, erotic vision inducing, Ethiopian coffee house brewed, euphoric, freaky, freazoid, foxy, Frenched kissed, French brewed, funkified, foxy lady, graphic, GOD in my coffee, with Allah, Ganesh, Jesus, Kali, Buddha, Christians, Durga, Hindus, Mohamed, Jesus and Mo and their friend, the cosmic bar maid, Sai Babai, Shiva, Taoists,

Zoroastrians, drinking my god damned coffee in Hell;

growling, gnarly, happy, hard as ice, Hawaian blessed, high as a kite, hippie, hip, hipster, hip hoppy, hot as hell yet strangely sweet as heaven, jazzy, jealous, Kerouac approved, kick ass, kick my god damn ass to Tuesday, kick down the doors and take no prisoners, grown in the Vietnam highlands by exVietcong, Guatemalan grown, kiss ass, illegal in every state, imported from all over the god damn world,

insane, lovely, loony, lonely, lonesome, malodorous mean old rotten, motherfucking, nasty, narcotic, never whatever, never meh, never cold, not approved by the CIA, not approved by DHS, not approved for human consumption by the FDA, not your daddy’s sissified corporate cup of coffee, NOT DECAFE coffee, not your Denny’s truck driver weak as brown water cup of fake coffee, not your establishment friendly cup of coffee, Not your FBI coffee, Not FAKE Herbal coffee substitute, but a real cup of coffee, not your farmer brothers dinner crap, not made in America for Americans, not safe for work, not your Starbucks average expensive overpriced crappy corporate chain cup of coffee, Not pretentious, Not White House approved, not State Department safe, nuclear, Not Patriotic, operatic, Peets’s coffee approved,

paranoid, pornographic, psychotic, pontific, politically aware, rapping, rhyming, right here, right now in River city, rock and roll up the Yazoo, sad, sadistic, sarcastic, sassy, satanic, schizoid, shitting, silly, sexy, smarmy, smelly, smooth, snarky, snarling, stupid, stinking, sweet as honey, sweat inducing, symphonic, Trump can’t handle this coffee, vengeful, Wagnerian, wicked, with nutmeg and cinnamon swirls, with a hint of stevia, with a hint of vanilla, with a hint of rum, with a hint of whisky, with a hint of cherry, with a hint of fruit overtones, with a hint of drugs spicing up the coffee, spendific, speeding, splendid, superior accept no substitutes, survived the Vietnam war, the Iraq war, the Afghan war, the first and Second Korean war, World War 11, the war on poverty, the war on drugs, the war on black people, the sexual revolution,

Soulful as a summer’s night in MOTOWN- James Brown approved, TOP approved, Berkeley approved, the coffee that Jimmy Hendrix drank before he died, the coffee that Elvis drank on his last breakfast, the coffee that Barry White crooned as he drank his cup of coffee – and the coffee that made the white boy play stand up and play that funky music, the coffee that made Jonny B Goode play his guitar, and made Jonny bet the devil his soul after he drank his morning cup of righteous coffee and the coffee that make the Rolling Stones Rock and Roll, the coffee your mother warned you against drinking, the coffee that Napoleon drank when he became the Emperor of all Europe, the Coffee that Beethoven drank when he wrote the Ninth symphony, the coffee that Mozart drank as he wrote his last symphony, the coffee that Lincoln drank before he was killed, the Hemingway drank before he killed himself, the coffee that started the 60’s, and ended the 20th century,

the coffee that Lenin drank as he plotted revolution, the coffee that Hitler and Stalin drank with FDR as they divided up the world after World War 11, the cup that JFK drank before he was blown away, the coffee Jerry drinks while driving in cars with random celebrities and political figures, the coffee that Jon Stewart drinks before he goes on an epic take down of some foolish politico, the cup of Arabic coffee that Sadaam drank the day he was executed, the coffee that GW and Cheney drank when they bombed Baghdad, the Indian cup of coffee that Bid Laden drank before 9-11 and just before the seals blew his ass to hell, the cup of coffee that Tiger Woods drank with his mistresses while playing a 3, 000 dollar round of golf at Sandy Lane golf course in Barbados, the last legal drug that does what drugs should do, the cup of coffee that Obama drank when he became President, Vietnamese, Vienna brew, wacky, whimsical,

Whisky Tango Foxtrot, wild, weird, wonderful, WOW, Yabba dabba doo! Yada Yada yada Zappa’s favorite cup of cosmic coffee, and Zorro’s last cup of coffee, Good to the last drop rolled into one simple cup of hot coffee   
As I pound down that first cup of coffee
And fire up my synaptic nerve endings with endless supplies
Of caffeine induced neuron enhancing chemicals

I face the dawning day with trepidation and mind-numbing fear
I turn on the TV and watch the smarmy newscasters in their perfect hair

Lying through their perfect blazing white teeth
about the great success the government is having
Following the great leader's latest pronouncements

I want to scream
and shoot the TV
and run out side

Shouting
Stop the world!
I want to get
off this fucking crazy planet"

The earth does not care a whit
about my attitude problem

It merely shrugs
and moves around the Sun
In its appointed daily run

the universe whispers
in my ear
time to drink more coffee
for an attitude adjustment

And I sit down
The madness dissipating a bit
And enjoy my second cup
Of heaven and hell
In my morning cup of Joe

Coffee Revolutions

coffee cup
Coffee led to the American Revolution<span
As patriots drank coffee
To rebel against
the aristocratic English tea

Coffee started the London Stock Market
And started the gossip mills running
Every great invention
Was fed by coffee's sweet brew
sweet allure

All the great thinkers
All the great leaders
All were enslaved
to coffee's magic

I sing my praises
Of the great
glorious coffee lady

Long may she continue
To be my sweet companion

Long may coffee continue
To rule my heart
And set my heart
on fire

Ode to Coffee

Mistress of sacred love
Sacred lady of desire

You start my day
Setting my heart on fire
With your dark delicious brew 

And throughout the day
Whenever the mean old blues come by
You chase them away

With your bittersweet ambrosial brew
Every time I inhale your witch's brew

I am filled with power, light and love
And everything is al right Jack
If only for a few fleeting minutes

I love you oh coffee goddess
In all your magical forms

In the dark coffee of the dawning day
In the sizzling coffee in the mid morning break
In the afternoon siesta break
And in the post dinner desert drink

I love you my coffee mistress
You are my refuge
From this horrid world

And you are my secret lover
Never disappoint me, ever
I've never had a bad cup
Of that I can be sure

Even the dismal coffee
Served at Denny's at 3 am
Is still sweet loving coffee

Even the farmer brother's diner coffee
Excites me and gets me going
Asking for another cup of divine delight

Coffee always is there
It is always on and piping hot
With hidden dark secrets
Swirling in its liquid essence

Coffee is my last vice
My only legal vice left

Coffee does not cheat on me
It is always faithful, always true
It does not turn on its friends

And all it asks in return
Is that you come back
Cup after cup after cup

A good cup of coffee
Is a little bit of heaven
In a cup of dark liquid hell

Coffee is like a drug
But a good drug that does what is should
And never complains

It does not get grouchy
It does not hurt you

It does not make you crazy
But allows the muse to come out
And play with it

Coffee led to the American Revolution
As patriots drank coffee
To rebel against the aristocratic English tea

Coffee started the London Stock market
And started the gossips mills running

Every great invention
Was fed by coffee's sweet brew
sweet allure

All the great thinkers
All the great leaders
All were enslaved to coffee's magic

Yeah
I sing my praises
Of the great glorious coffee lady

Long may she continue
To be my sweat companion

Long may coffee continue
To rule my heart
And set my heart on fire

I love thee
Mistress coffee
And sometimes I think
You love me too

No More Coffee Blues

I love coffee
Always have

And coffee has loved me back
But lately I have soured on her
Soured on the whole coffee scene

On the harshness
of the morning brew
And the promises it makes

As I sip of its nectar
Drawn into its lair

Drinking drop by drop
As the caffeine takes over

Rewriting my every nerve
Turning me into a slave
For its perverted pleasure

Yes I love coffee
But I am afraid

Coffee is a harsh mistress
Demanding so much of me

Promising the sun
And delivering the moon

As I drink her swill
Deepening under her influence

I have the coffee blues
Can’t live without her
Can’t live with her

I try
But tea does not cut it
Not really

Booze does not do it
At least not in the morning

Yoga is not enough of a buzz
Nor is the runner’s high

And I am afraid deadly afraid of cocaine
And speed and drugs and energy drinks

And so I remain a slave to coffee
My only legal drug

As I sip another
and fall under
her seductive spread

Once more failing my resolve
To skip coffee for that day
That morning that moment

I shall never be free of her spell
Ever and she knows it
As she beckons me
Every morning with her intoxicating smell

And I come to her
and drink her brew

And become her slave
again and again

Coffee Ya Du

must drink coffee
have every day
the morning dawns
drinking my coffee as I yawn

Morning cup of coffee 

every morning
I drink my coffee
as I contemplate 
the dawning day

watching the news anchors
blather on and on
drinking my coffee
thinking of life

and my coffee
consumes me
overwhelms me
and at time controls me

after all coffee is a drug
and I am her slave
from time to time

Drinking Coffee in the Morning

in the morning
dangerous mood
felling deranged
watching the news

trigger warning
you are screwed dude
end of the world
the end times come

I drink coffee
in the morning

Coffee Pot Killed

His wife has banned my use
by my owner
says he makes too much
of a mess when he uses me

it is not his fault
I want to say
but being a coffee pot
can not speak

and so I am abandoned
thrown out into the trash

and feel very sad
for my owner

who was my friend
he liked me

he keep me going
and I did my job

providing him
with fresh coffee

doing my coffee pot duty
and now it is over

Drinking My Coffee

drinking coffee

drinking my coffee
early in the cool morning
thinking life is fine

everything will be okay
after I drink my coffee

morning coffee

morning coffee

dawning sun 

coffee MGur Poem

coffee

I pray to the coffee gods
every cup of coffee
is like a sacrament to me

I pray as I drink my coffee
that it will fill me
with wisdom

and find peace
with my coffee

as I drink
my devotion

Hot coffee

cup of coffee

take coffee with you
Hot hot coffee, makes my day -

Must drink My daily coffee, as the morning dawns - 

With out my morning coffee

in me,  I feel nothing at all -

Electrified Hot Coffee

coffee is the drug of choice
nothing else will do it
as I drink coffee
Electrified
Hot Coffee

Hot Coffee and Cake

coffee
coffee is the drug of choice
electrified circuits
as I drink coffee
coffee and cake

Coffee Patina

coffee
hot coffee
hot Hellish Heaven
Essence of coffee

Hot Coffee CHeu Chu poem

coffee

drinking my coffee hot as hell
a taste of heaven and hell
in my damn cup
of coffee essence of hell

As I drink my coffee
I see a pup
outside my window
with eyes from hell

I look at the this pup
and wonder why
he has eyes from Hell
as I drink my coffee

Coffee Love Thoughts

coffee
I love to drink my coffee
early in the morning
while writing my journals

and thinking about my dreams
and my life

and while drinking my coffee
I covertly look over
at my sleeping beauty

as the sun comes up
I am filled with love
and contentment

thinking back
to the dream
that set me free

drinking my coffee
thinking of my love

for my wife
and thinking
always thinking

of the dream
that set me free

so many years ago

I first had the dream
and ever since then

it has haunted me
as I drink my coffee

and prepare to met my day
I wake up the love of my life

and smile at her
and finish my coffee

Morning Coffee

cup of coffee
I like to start
my day

with a hot as hell
snarling cup of righteous coffee

hot, steamy hot as hell
sweet as heaven

bitter as the devil
with a sweet taste of cinnamon
and other heavenly spices

crazy nutmeg
silver tasting cloves
decadent tasting sugar

and rich whipped cream
to top if all off

and once
in a while
it demands

the taste
of a wee bit
of whiskey

just to take the edge off
of the wild night
to come

Morning Coffee

free coffee

Give Me More
must have my coffee

Morning coffee

coffee
hot as hell
Sweet as heaven

Coffee Terzanalle

coffee
coffee drink of gods
coffee drink of gods
coffee No drink for dogs

I drink my hot coffee
deep in cosmic thought

I drink my hot coffee
coffee damn hot as hell
hot as hell itself

hot as hell itself
sweet as heaven itself
with bitter after taste

sweet heaven itself
invented by satan in hell
to keep Satan Cool

Invented by satan in hell
coffee made in heaven
a drink for the gods

coffee made in heaven
a drink for the gods

Coffee Aquarian

coffee cup

coffee
drink of the gods
cup of heaven and hell

coffee Haiku

coffee
hot as hell
as sweet as heaven

Japanese Coffee Barista

boss coffee
watching the Japanese
barista

preparing my snarling cup
of hot boss coffee

fills my heart
with erotic joy

how I wanted to express
what was on my mind

right then
to the Japanese
coffee barista

watching the news while drinking coffee

fry drinking too much coffee
drinking my morning coffee
watching the news
the endless lying
pontificating

wondering when will it all end
will truth prevail

will justice triumph

will superman come

or are we doomed
heading to hell

down the proverbial
road filled with good
great intentions

Coffee Tanka

coffee
Hot as hell, heavenly sweat
My daily hot coffee fix

Sends Me to Heaven
Then Crashes into Hell

Coffee Haiku

coffee
I like my coffee
Like my women hot as hell
But sweat as heaven

God in My Coffee

god in my coffee

One dismal demented morning
As I contemplated the dawning day
Trying to wake up
from the nightmares
That have been haunting my every night

I reached for my morning cup of hot coffee
And as I drank my morning poison
My snarling sarcastic cup of java
Frying my neurons with caffeine

I saw God He had the look –
tall white hair beard

And those piercing blue eyes
Starting at you
with the thousand year stare
Of the truly committed

Yes it was God
himself
In the bottom
of my cup of coffee

And he was smiling at me
Beckoning me to join him
And so I jumped
into my cup

And went through the door
And found myself
In a giant hallway

Filled with Mr. Smith like
angels working on computers

Programing the day’s plans
I asked where I could find God

They told me that I had an appointment
And I went down the hallway

And found myself in another room
And found God sitting there

Waiting for me
He offered me coffee
And we drank coffee

And talked
about this and that

I asked him what he wanted
He said nothing
but my understanding
And patience

And told me
that I was lost
But would be found soon

And told me to go back home
And wait for his signal

For the revolution was coming
And I would lead God’s forces

And then I found myself
Back at home
And drank another cup of coffee

Revolution in my Cup of Coffee

coffee
Sitting, Dreaming, contemplating life
Over a cup of steaming hot coffee

Hot Java dreams
In a pensive, caffeine induced mood

I saw the beginning of the end times
The end of the beginnings of time

At the bottom of my coffee cup
I saw the dismal depressing deadly sight
Of the whole universe

Rising in righteous revolution
Fighting the evil denizens of the world

They exploded
Marching out of my coffee cup

Down the street
Fighting fierce fights

They scream demented dreams
Dreams of absolute freedom

They rush and run, rant and rave
Running from the atomic clouds of vengeance

And I sit watching
The world disintegrates in my coffee cup

And I wonder what does it mean?
As I pour myself more coffee

God Drinks Coffee

coffee
When I woke up yesterday

I saw a naked old man

Sitting in my chair

Drinking my coffee
Smoking my pipe

I shouted at him
Who in hell are you

He replied
Never in hell am I

God replied

Your coffee is good
But not cosmic enough

Then we stood in the jungle
Watching dinosaurs
Making love

God said
They died you know
When they tried to become like us

Coffee Haiku

coffee
I like my coffee
Like how I like my women
Hot like the Devil

Coffee thoughts

coffee time
I enjoy my morning coffee
listening to jazz

while watching
the early morning sunlight

Dancing off the waves
of the eastern sea

Coffee how I love thee

coffee
I love my coffee
everyday I drink it
delicious brew

Falling under its influence

As it wakes me up
Everything seems well

As I drink
my coffee

As my thoughts
comes bubbling up
dreaming of another
Cup of coffee

Coffee Transports me to another world

coffee cup

As I drink my morning
Cup of coffee

I am transported
to another world<
far far away

dreaming dark dreams
Of what might have
I am lost
in my cup of coffee
heaven in my cup of coffee

Coffee Desires

Coffee Breakfast With Grain And Jute Sack

I like my coffee
Like I like my women
Dark and Hot as hell

Yet delightfully
heavenly sweet
As heaven itself

My daily hot coffee fix
Sends Me to Heaven
then Crashes into Hell

Coffee is my last legal vice
It is a drug
That does what a drug should do

Gets me going
Flying me high

Coffee Desires 2

A nerd with a cup of coffee hugged closely to his chest. He's clearly had too much caffeine, and needs to stop drinking coffee.
I like my coffee
Like I like
my women
Dark and Hot as hell

Yet delightfully heavenly sweet
As heaven itself

My daily hot coffee fix
Sends Me to Heaven
then Crashes into Hell

Coffee is my last legal vice
It is a drug
That does what a drug should do

Gets me going
Flying me high
Into the sky

And coffee
Makes the world go round
As we fall under its spell

And become its slave
Needing our daily fix

Ode to Coffee

coffee

Mistress of sacred love
Sacred Lady of desireYou start my day
Setting my heart on fire
With your dark delicious brew

And throughout the day
Whenever the mean old blues come by
You chase them away
With your bittersweet ambrosia brew

Every time I inhale your wicked brew
I am filled with power, light, and love
And everything is all right Jack

It is all good
If only for a few fleeting minutes

I love you oh coffee goddess
In all your magical forms

In the dark coffee of the dawning day
In the sizzling coffee
in the mid-morning break

In the afternoon siesta break
And in the post-dinner dessert drink

I love you my coffee mistress
You are my refuge
From this horrid world

I sing my praises
Of the great glorious coffee lady

Long may she continue
To be my sweet companion

Long may coffee continue
To rule my heart

And set my heart on fire
I love thee
Mistress coffee

And sometimes I think
You love me too

•Coffee My Secret Lover long version

coffee
Coffee is my secret lover

Coffee you are my secret lover

Never disappoint me, ever

I've never had a bad cup
Of that, I can be sure

Even the dismal coffee
Served at Denny's at 3 am
Is still sweat loving coffee

Even the farmer brother's diner coffee
Excites me and gets me going

Asking for another cup
of divine delight

Coffee always is there
It is always on and piping hot

With hidden dark secrets
Swirling in its liquid essence

Coffee is my last vice
My only legal vice left

Coffee does not cheat on me
It is always faithful, always true

It does not turn on its friends
And all it asks in return
Is that you come back
Cup after cup after cup

A good cup of coffee
Is a little bit of heaven
In a cup of dark liquid hell

Coffee is like a drug
But a good drug
that does what is should

And never complains
It does not get grouchy
It does not hurt you

It does not make you crazy
But allows the muse to come out
And play with it

Coffee the Drink of Revolutionaries

coffee

Coffee led to the American Revolution
As patriots drank coffee
To rebel against the aristocratic English tea

Coffee started the London Stock market
And started the gossips mills running

Every great invention
Was fed by coffee's sweat brew sweet allure

All the great thinkers
All the great leaders
All were enslaved to coffee's magic

Snarling, sassy, snarky, smarmy, sarcastic cup of coffee short version

I like to start my day with a hot cup of coffee
Yeah, but not just a simple cup of java Joe

But a snarling, sassy, snarky, smarmy, silly, stupid, sadistic, sad, sarcastic, satanic, psychotic, paranoid, WOW good to the last god damn drop - rolled into one simple cup of hot coffee

Ode to Coffee Short Version

coffee

Mistress of sacred love
Sacred lady of desire

You start my day
Setting my heart on fire
With your dark delicious brew

And throughout the day
Whenever the mean old blues come by
You chase them away
With your bitter sweet ambrosia brew

Every time I inhale your wicked brew
I am filled with power, light and love
And everything is all right Jack

It is all good
If only for a few fleeting minutes

Coffee My Secret Lover Short Version

coffee
Coffee is my secret lover
Coffee you are my secret lover
Never disappoint me, ever

I've never had a bad cup
Of that I can be sure

Even the dismal coffee
Served at Denny's at 3 am
Is still sweat loving coffee

Even the farmer brother's diner coffee
Excites me and gets me going

Coffee the Drink of Revolutionaries - Short Version

coffee
Coffee led to the American Revolution
As patriots drank coffee
To rebel against the aristocratic English tea

Coffee started the London Stock market
And started the gossips mills running

Every great invention
Was fed by coffee's sweat brew sweet allure

All the great thinkers
All the great leaders
All were enslaved to coffee's magic

No More Coffee Blues

too much coffee
I love coffee
Always have

And coffee has loved me back

But lately I have sourced on her

Soured on the whole coffee scene

On the harshness of the morning brew
And the promises it makes

As I sip of its nectar
Drawn into its lair

Drinking drop by drop
As the caffeine takes over

Rewriting my every nerve
Turning me into a slave
For its perverted pleasure

Yes I love coffee
But I am afraid

Coffee is a harsh mistress
Demanding so much of me

Promising the sun
And delivering the Moon

As I drink her swill
Deepening under her influence

I have the coffee blues
Can’t live with out her
Can’t live with her

Need More Coffee

need more coffee
More coffee
must have more
it consumes me
just need one more

Coffee Lady

coffee
Every morning
I have gone out for Vietnamese coffee

At a sidewalk café
Down the ally from our AIRBNB

The owner is a pleasant middle age woman
Who for some reason likes us

She smiles at us
Greets us in Vietnamese

She does not understand English
Or Korean

And I wonder why
Why was there this connection
Between us

It dawned on me
Perhaps in a prior life

She knew an American or two
And I remind her of someone

Or perhaps she is found
Of Korean K drama

And Angela reminds her
Of her favorite K Drama star

Or perhaps it is both
Or another reason entirely

But I moved today
And will miss her

Might go back for a final cup
Of coffee

To say good bye
To my Vietnamese coffee lady

Ode to Vietnamese Coffee

coffee
Vietnam has the best coffee
In the damn world

Just perfect
Hot as hell

Sweet as heaven
With a kick my ass attitude
To boot

Can’t resist it
Even thought it means

I can’t sleep

Must

Have

My

Damn

Vietnamese
Coffee

right

Now

Rude Thoughts

one cup per day
Rudiments of remembrances
Of former lives flow through

Into and beyond the house of my Lord
Into the beginnings of my life

Love reigns supreme
As I construct anagrams

To prove my soul's playing a fife
Oh shoos pas shoos Fa tanehe
Shoos qous shoos
Can a Fa Te NE hour go

And I sit
Under the dying moon shine

Drinking hot, snarling coffee
Smoking on a pipe
Full of wicked weed

Thinking of love's labor lost
Dreaming of what was will be

Getting off on dental floss
While drinking emetic booze

And laughing
My margarine calls itself butter
And my coffee don't like my Mother

Working Blues

coffee
One fine morning
It was

I woke up
Shaved

The world stopped
I went outside

Everything had stopped
I screamed

No one could hear me
I cried out

No one care

I went inside
Drank coffee

And went to work

Yesterday Morning

drink coffee
Yesterday morning I awoke
Like most mornings

I was still dead

I walked
Out of my drug infested slum

Into my computerized car
Down the freeways of my mind

Searching for the pot of golden dreams
I stooped in at a restaurant
Drank copious amounts of free coffee

And saw all the people
One by one disappearing into the crowds

All I knew was wrong
Or worst yet a figment of your imagination

Every person changed
Transformed into an interchangeable computer's robot

All the same
All the same

All living in instant suburbia
Moving their meaningless life

All the same all the same
Not me screamed
my coffee as I sat

Yet another victim
Of our creeping insanity

This Morning

I woke up this morning
Stared out of my window

Saw my dreams marching by
Watching me

I stared out at my reflections
Completed corruption

The tunnels of my consciences
Emerges the dreams fade away

Into the nothingness of my coffee cup.
The rainbow of heaven
Your mellifluous voice e
Arose in my heart

Feelings of love, compassion and strength
Your wonderful sense of grace
In a world full of hate

Your sense of compassion
In the mist of your own personnel despair

Shines on like a beacon
In the darkness of the oceans of my despair

I see a mystic mermaid
Swimming through the cold waters of hell

Striving towards the light of heaven
The mountains of despair

Overwhelms me at times
It seems that we look up

And all that we can see
the sounds of doom

The voice of evil soothsayers
Came over the loudspeakers

Ranting raving crying
Saying holds your head up

Scream out your soul
Laugh live, don't fear to love

For in the end
The evil soothsayers of doom
Will fade away in to the fog of our past

Standing alone in a field
Of flowers you will become
One with the rainbow of heaven

Thoughts While Shaving

coffee
Early in the god damned morning
I open my weary eyes

And stagger down the hallway

To face the dawning day

With a shave
I wish

I was surfing
the golden waves
Of cyberspace

I arise painfully
Out of bed

Wishing for sucres of pain
Sometimes I fain

That I would not get
Such morning pains

Then I grab for my juice
Bloody red

And my coffee
Snarls back

Black as hell
And hot as the sun

Like good coffee should be
Ready to kick
Some sense into my weary head

I go outside
Sit under a turnip tree

Wishing that I could be free
To run naked and wild

In the forrest fountain
Screwing the god damned universe

Enjoying bloody lust

My conscious raises a fuss
I sit and cite verse

And set fire
to my soul's lamentations

And slowly conclude

It is time to finish shaving
And my dreams fly out the window
And with them my sense of freedom

I put my clothes on
and become a robot
drinking coffee
For one more day
Is there any other way?

Coffee Love Hate Affair

coffee
I love coffee
Always have
Always will

But I have a love hate affair
With coffee

Love it when it gets me up
Flying high in the sky
As the sun comes over

Filling with hope
And anticipation

As I conquer the day’s
Daunting tasks

With a little help
From my drug of choice

But coffee turns on me
Late in the day

And I can’t not sleep
As the coffee burns
In my soul

And I toss and turn
And sleep no more

Coffee does that to me
And so, I am reduced

To drinking decafe coffee
Not the same thing at all
But that is all I can handle

As I am a coffee addict
And always will be

Coffee Blues

coffee

Coffee is my drug of choice
Always has been
Ever since I first tried
As a young lad

Loved coffee’s power
To speed up my synaptic nerves

Turning me on
Keeping me going
and going and going

But there is a dark side
And it will take you

Where it wants to go
Enslaving you

Making you its victim
As it toys with you

Messes with you
Prevents you from sleeping

Coffee is a harsh mistress
It demands respect

As you fall under it seductive powers
Slave again

To the drug of choice
Just another over caffeinated

Coffee addict
Stumbling along the street

Looking for a fix
At six in the morning

As the coffee wears off
And you finally

Can get some sleep
Until the alarm

Blasts you away
And you reach out

Trembling for your fix
Coffee you scream out

I need coffee

The universe laughs
As you get your coffee high

Just another pathetic coffee junkie
When all is said and done

 Tabang Memories

tabang culture

coffee
in the old days
in Korea

there were Ta Bangs
on every corning

the Ta Bangs 
were coffee and tea shops

filled with pretty young things
who served you instant coffee

or Ginseng tea
or Korean Green tea

and flirted with 
their mostly male customers

and exchanged the latest
gossip in the afternoon

when the ajimas came 

Somehow
the lowly TaBang
disappeared

to be replaced
by coffee shops

the coffee is much better
and so is the food choices

but I miss
flirting with the Tabang ladies

who helped me learn Korean
back in the day

there are a few
old school TaBangs

here and there
in forgotten poorer neighborhoods
and rural towns

but by and large
and the Tabangs
have faded into history

Impure Thoughts in the Coffee Line

A nerd with a cup of coffee hugged closely to his chest. He's clearly had too much caffeine, and needs to stop drinking coffee.

Often times
when I am in line
at a coffee shop

I notice the pretty young baristas
and engage in impure thoughts

as they take my order
I wonder if they know

what is on my mind
as I smile at them

and take my coffee
drinking it hot

filled with erotic desire
for the coffee barista lady
behind the counter

Coffee Acrostic Poem

coffee

Coffee is calling me
One cup after another
Filling my heart with love
Filling my head with desire
Every moment I drink my coffee
Every moment I think of you

Coffee Jones

I am a coffee addict
a slave to my daily fix

I have the coffee Jones
and it won’t go away

I try to drink decaf
or herbal coffee

but sooner or later
the coffee jones
comes back

Demanding the real deal
as I fall under
the coffee spell

once again
a slave
to my dark mistress
of coffee

as the coffee jones
takes over

and I drink
cup after cup

I recall all the cups
I have had
over the years

from my first cup
at age 17
to my last cup
at age 64
this afternoon

and realize
the coffee jones

will not leave me
until the day
I die
and can drink no more

Mecca of Coffee Lovers

coffee

Peets coffee shop
in Berkeley

the original coffee shop
one of the the coffee shops

that launched
the coffee revolution

is the mecca
for coffee lovers
in the United States

for many years
when it was strictly
a Bay Area phenomenon

expat Bay Area residents
out of the area

would fly back
and stock up
on Peet’s coffee

Once I took back
25 pounds of Peet’s
to Mumbai India

introduced it to my friends
and colleagues

My last job
in the State Department

I had my ritual down
I would go out
after lunch

to Peet’s
across from the WH

and buy a decaf Americano
loaded up with cream
nutmeg, cinnamon
chocolate and hazel nut

usually took it back
but sometimes

I lingered at Peet’s
soaking
in the Berkeley feeling

thinking back
to all the great
cups of coffee

I have had
at Peet’s in Berkeley

the original
and the Solano Avenue
Peets coffee shop

Now if only
Peet’s opened
in Korea

that would be something
to look forward to

Perfect Cup of Coffee

coffee

My best friend Robert
and I have long had
a philosophical disagreement

over what constitutes
a perfect
cup of java joe

we both agree
that there is nothing finer

in life
than enjoying a cup
of coffee

from Peets Coffee shop
the original Peets
On Virginia and Walnut
in Berkeley, California

in the middle
of the gourmet Ghetto

and we both consider
Peets to be the mecca
of coffee shops

the center of the universe
if truth be told

but Robert and I disagree
over the perfect cup of Java Joe

Robert is a traditionalist
old school in all things
that matter
like coffee consumption

He drinks his coffee
straight black as hell
just the way God intended
coffee to be drunk

I like my coffee
spiced up the yazoo

white chocolate mocha
with nutmeg
cinnamon
chocolate

vanilla
hazelnut syrup
and whipped cream
to top it off

and I do like my coffee
with kahhula, Irish cream liquor
rum or a wee bit of whisky

although I prefer it full caffeinated
nowadays I drink it decaf
after 10 am

otherwise I am up all night
singing the coffee blues

so Robert and I long ago
decided we could tolerate

each other’s taste in coffee
as we both agreed
that it has to be from Peets
if you are to drink it with me

Peets Coffee

Coffee Breakfast With Grain And Jute Sack
Peets coffee shop
Everywhere you go

Even in Boise Idaho
Tall Hot coffee
Simply the best there is

Coffee shop mecca
Only original in Berkeley
Full bodied flavor
Full of cosmic goodness
Every cup satisfies
Every cup a cup of Heaven

Starbucks Coffee

Seattle born and raised
Took off all over the world
Almost every corner
Rare to find a Starbucks free city
But the original
U District coffee shop
Coffee shop nirvana
Kicking my butt with a caffeine rush
Subtly quietly politely Seattle style

Coffee shop nirvana
Only original in Seattle
Full bodied flavor
Full of cosmic goodness
Every cup satisfies
Every cup a cup of Heaven

Last Man in Berkeley Drinking Coffee at Peet’s

the last man
in Berkeley left alive

settled down
in the original Peets

the mecca of coffee lovers
the end had come

suddenly
within weeks
everyone was dead

from the super bio plague
that had escaped
from a secret lab
somewhere in Russia

the last man in Berkeley
decided to camp out
in Peet’s

he would have plenty
of coffee
and food to eat

and there was even
a shower
in the employee’s restroom

and power
and wi fi
for now

he wandered
about town

looking for survivors
got a ham radio

and broadcast
daily

Hello
this is Jake
the last man
in Berkeley

broadcasting to you
from Peet’s coffee

if you are out there
please join me

it is getting lonely
in here

with all this great coffee
and no one to enjoy it with

a week later
a woman showed up
then a man

and within a week
there were 25 survivors

they decided
to take over the Walnut Square
apartment complex

each person or couple
would have an apartment

but everyone would eat
at the Thai restaurant

everyone would take turns
being the barista for the day

and Peets re-opened for business
within a year
there were about
100 survivors

living at the Walnut Square
and Peets
was the center
of their universe

just as God had intended
when he inspired
Mr. Peet to open
his coffee shop

Non-Establishment Coffee

Berkeley is the mecca
for coffee lovers

the best coffee shops
in the US
are located in Berkeley

Berkeley residents
probably drink more coffee
than anyone else
in the U.S.

there is a great coffee shop
almost every commercial street

most independent
but Starbucks
and Peets are everywhere

Starbucks owner
started out at Peet's

had a creative disagreement
with Mr. Peet
and left for Seattle

there is a coffee shop
that I think is still there

that had a sign
dating back to 1955

We do Not Serve Establishment Coffee
it was the first coffee shop

in Berkeley
to serve Italian stye expresso
and was a favorite haunt

of the beatniks
who hung out there
drinking endless cups

of non-establishment coffee
while writing up a storm

Peets opened in 1962
and soon became

the biggest chain
in the Berkeley area

remained a local favorite
until the early 2000’s

when it followed its cousin
Starbucks nationwide

First to SF
then LA

then to college towns
then nation wide

to this day
the mother ship

of all coffee shops
the mecca
for serious coffee drinkers

remains the Original Poets
on the corner of Virginia and Walnut

serious coffee addicts
in the Bay Area

will not drink Starbucks Coffee
too Establishment coffee now

and only drink at Peet's
or an independent coffee shop

of which there are hundreds
it seems

in any event
next time I am in town

you can be sure
to see me

at ground zero
the coffee shop
that launched
the coffee revolution

the Original Peets
still the mecca
of coffee lovers
in the U.S

Korean Coffee Shops

coffee

in the late 80’s
Coffee shops first began
appearing in Korea

supplanting the old TaBangs
that use to be
on every corner

the tabang ladies
were friendly
flirting up a storm

with their mainly
male customers

and they delivered
coffee and tea

to offices across the land
about 10 am

the tábangs were replaced
by coffee shops

the coffee was much better
the choice of food
much better

there are so many chains now

Ediya
Coffee Bean
A Twosome Place
Angels in US
Starbucks

and independent coffee shops
everywhere

My favorite is coffee bean
because they have decaf coffee

most larger chains do now
a few years ago

it was impossible to find
and since I should not drink

caffeinated coffee
the choices were limited
back then

most coffee shops also something new
to Korea

they all have chamomile
and peppermint
green tea
and black tea
ginseng
ginger
and some have rosemary
lavender
and other teas

but the waitresses
no longer flirt
with their customers

who are about half female
half male these a days

I miss the tábangs
the tabang ladies
were always willing
to teach me Korean

a cheap real world
language lesson

for the price
of cup of coffee

there are still a few
Tabangs here and there

in poorer neglected neighborhoods
and rural country towns

but by and large
Tabangs have faded
away
into history

CinqTroisdecaLaRhyme

coffee
I pity the poor smoker, particularly in the cold of winter
as they huddle out side in the cold depths of a Korean winter
wonder what they think these sad poor tobacco addicts
was it worth it to them to be

hooked on cigarettes
when all is said and done nothing tobacco addicts
I also pity those poor souls addicted to other things coffee
that is my soul addiction these days, I am addicted to coffee
must start my day with a hot cup of java joe just hot coffee
nothing else will do it for me in the depth of winter
But I miss tobacco especially when I drink hot coffee

Coffee Lai

coffee
glorious coffee
must have my coffee
to kickstart my day

hot butter coffee
loaded sweet coffee
Just to start my day

nothing but coffee
just glorious coffee
No better way start day

Coffee Soledad

coffee

hot coffee the drink of the gods
invented by Satan in hell
loved by all the angels and gods

Sam the Space Alien Coffee Merchant”

coffee
One spring day in May a UFO lands on the White House Lawn.  The military is called and they surround the saucer.

The door opens and a man who looks like the comedian Jon Stewart walks out the door.  The military opens fire but the bullets bounce off a force field of some sort which does not harm the alien.   He waves and the guns become too hot to touch.   He walks out and speaks,

“People of earth.  I came 10 million miles in search of the one thing you guys do right – coffee.  No one else in the Universe makes it.  So, get me a goddamn cup of “Starbucks” ™ Colombian supreme, a medium with milk, and then take me to your leader.  We have business to talk.”

With that, he turns to the White House.  He is escorted into to see the President.  After drinking his coffee, he turns to the President and says the following,

“Mr. President.  I represent the Galactic Empire Beverage Company.  I am here because a fleet of star ships is on its way to put a blockade and quarantine around your planet.  After observing your planet for centuries, we have concluded that you are the most insane creatures in the Universe.  And you are dangerous what with your nukes, your bioweapon, your religious hatreds, your violent street crime and you mind-numbing sit coms, your drugs, your guns, your porn (best in the universe though), and your scientific ignorance you proclaim to be the truth.

But, I think if I can convince the Galactic Empire that you have something of value, we might avoid the boycott and open trading relations.  So, here’s the deal–I want to buy your coffee, and export it around the universe.  In return, my folks will teach you the technology to travel interstellar space.  But I need a ten-year exclusive contract on coffee exports and I will want to buy half your coffee crop each year at market rates.

Do we have a deal?”

The president makes a motion and Mr. Smith, the alien coffee merchant, is disappeared into a prison somewhere.  He is tortured to no avail, refuses to talk, and eventually can watch TV, and read the daily papers and drink as much coffee as he wants.  The media is filled with rumors of where he was taken and whether he was alive.  The official story was always that this was a Hollywood movie stunt for the movie, “Mars Attacks Two” which came out the following year and had a scene of a flying saucer landing on the white house and an alien asking for a cup of coffee.  Of course, no one believed the official story and conspiracy theories ran amuck.  The one thing they all had right was that he was alive and in prison underneath area 51 in the Nevada desert.

Five years’ pass.  The Galactic Fleet never arrived as Mr. Smith was buffing.  The Galactic Empire knew of earth and had indeed put a blockade on the Earth, but since earth people were not galactic sailors they did not know that they could not venture beyond Jupiter without being shot down.

Mr. Smith still wanted his coffee concession and decided to go public.  One morning he walked out of his cell and told his warden he was leaving.  The warden said

“You can’t leave us.  You have no ID, no wallet, no money, and no vehicle and more importantly, you do not have permission to leave these premises. And we’ll miss your company, Mr. Smith.  We’ve grown fond of you over these years.’

“But, I have to leave.  I must finish my coffee deal.  I’ve finally done all the research on your people I can stand.  You are indeed insane.  The crazy things you believe.  The absolute nonsense of all your religious traditions, and the total dysfunction of your economics and politics.  It is a miracle you have not killed your entire planet.  and now you have a certified lunatic as President.  But he is a man of business so perhaps we can cut a deal.”

“But how will you go? Here, take some cash with you, we can give you 1000 in cash, and get you on a Greyhound.”

“Mr. Jones, I’ll take the money, but I have my transportation waiting outside.  Thanks so much for the company and answering all my questions about your fascinating but insane society.  I think I finally understand why you guys invented coffee in the first place and beer as well.  You need it otherwise you would all kill each other.”

The flying saucer had been summoned from area 51 where the U.S. and other scientist had been trying for five years to open the door.  They did not have the biometric password so the door remained shut and the force field withstood everything they gave it.

Mr. Smith walked outside and entered the ship and flew to NYC where he landed on top of the CNN towers and walked down to the newsroom, demanding to be interviewed right then and there.

They brought their top interviewer, Larry Jones and they started a live interview.

Larry started out,

“So, Mr. Smith, where are you from and where have you been hidden the last five years?”

“Your U.S. government kidnapped me and held me in Area 51 for the last five years along with my ship.  They failed to open the ship because they did not have the password and they failed to get me to reveal anything despite their primitive torture methods.  But they do have remains from another alien visitor who landed in Roswell 60 years ago.  He was a friend of a friend and told me about the coffee on this planet.  He was after though a beer contract as you guys do decent beer as well as coffee.

But, look, I gave them an offer in the White House – I would give you the secrets of space travel in exchange for 50% of your coffee crop for 10 years.  That offer is still good, but I am not dealing with the Government anymore.  I am opening the offer up to the Private sector.  Here’s the basic deal:

I require 50% of your world’s coffee crop and your expertise in opening coffee shops throughout the universe.  You supply the coffee, the workers and the coffee shop experience.  I supply the shops and arrange transportation.

after that I would also like to sell Beer, Whiskey, Rum, Drama programs and movies  and Porn to customers throughout the galaxy.  Visitors to earth have all reported that the coffee is out of this world (only grown on earth) the beer is to die for, the whiskey and rum fantastic and the wines great as well. And the porn is the best porn in the universe, and your dramas particularly K drama, Bollywood movies, Chinese Kungfu movies, and Hollywood hits will have a ready market in the galaxy. And your weed and cocaine are first rate as well.  We can make trillions of dollars selling your coffee, your booze, your weed, your cocaine, your movies and TV dramas and your porn.

In return I hope that some of you will grow up and join the galactic federation of planets.  You are not ready yet.  Joining takes decades and is a very bureaucratic process.

If we have a deal, I will also conduct tours of the galaxy for  humans and bring aliens to your planet for tourism.  Your planet is a mystery to the rest of us.  In some ways you are a remarkable creative bunch, in other ways you are fucking insane.    I predict that Earth will be the next big travel destination within ten years provided you don’t shoot the alien visitors and don’t rip them off. 

I will pay you by teaching your scientists the secrets of space travel.  And I need 1 billion dollars in gold bullion.

That is the minimum bid.  Detailed bids can be e-mailed to me at

[email protected]  The deadline is 24 hours from now.

And if we have a deal, I expect that the governments of the world will respect the commercial contract.  If there is no interference with the business deal, I will turn over my ship and provide technical instruction to any scientist or government employee who wishes to join me.  To prevent meddling by your government spooks and to ensure that everyone on earth can benefit, the instruction will take place in a starship that is on its way to your planet even as we speak.  And we will broadcast the lesions on the internet so anyone who wishes to learn can do so.

The ship is a trading ship and has enough room to take the initial load of coffee and coffee shop equipment, and your best baristas.    Our first planet is Alpha Century where the locals are roughly equivalent to your canines. But they are relatively civilized and a few have even been on your planet disguised as household pets.  They have tasted coffee and well we have a huge market of 10 billion dogs to satisfy.

So, Larry, adieu.  I’ll be back tomorrow now to reveal the winning bid.  And tell the US government to call off their goons.  They can’t stop me.