The balance has shifted again
I’m heavier than I was yesterday
It’s still just me, like always
But now I need someone else
There is no one
It’s vanity at its worst
But I believe my thoughts wholeheartedly
If I stepped outside
Into the glaring lights of their eyes
They would know
And they would see that I am only worth what I look like
I believe this to be true
It doesn’t truly matter what they believe
But in my mind that is the only thing that matters
I place the weight of my self-loathing on their shoulders
But when I look out at my oppressors
I see only myself
Past versions of me
All who look back with disdain
“Look at what you could be” they say
Forgetting the sorrow they each experienced
It seems that there is no path away from this feeling
When I am what I want to be
I am consumed with the fear of losing this state
Instead of elation I feel terror, paranoia, pain
When the balance shifts and I am no longer perfect
My fears are confirmed
I am disgusting
The good in me is an illusion
And one that I saw from the start
It is still just me, like always
I need someone else
I need to be someone else
I’ll never be someone else
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