Member Poem

The dense, black smoke fills my lungs
every time your memory seeps into my mind.
I sit on the floor of my bedroom,
not even trying to think of you.
That is the problem with cancer--
it sneaks up on you when you are least expecting it.
I am never prepared;
I want to be rid of it,
of you.
No matter how many times I think I have cut you out,
you return--
when I am entertaining my children,
when I am in the company of great friends,
when I am walking the dog,
when I am asleep.
And no procedures,
no treatments
will make you cease to exist in my body.
I have to let go,
to let me die,
in order to be reborn.
*    *    *    *
The day you took my body,
you stole it--
you made it yours
against my will.
After you ravaged my thoughts,
my feelings,
you took my peace of mind
and made it a war zone.
So, that when the time came,
I could not fight,
I could not resist,
I could not think at all.
I was blank,
I was empty,
I was a shell.
You ruined me.
Yes, people tried to warn me
about your darkness,
your soullessness.
But I have always been a believer
of anything good.
I saw glimmers of beauty-- 
what no one else was capable of seeing.
I do not know if anyone will ever see those faint sparkles of light again,
but I do know that you dimmed them even more
when you betrayed the one person who hoped for you.
I used to look at you and see a child,
my child,
but you did the unthinkable to your mother.
You infected her with your disease;
you took every part of her
and turned her into a barren wasteland
with your deceit,
your threats,
your vile words,
your reprehensible actions.
You left behind her carcass.
*    *    *    *
But the vultures have come;
they have eaten away all of the ugly, leftover parts.
The bones have disintegrated back into the earth
and grown something beautiful.
The smoke has disappeared;
it will no longer poison the land.
What once was bare
is now plentiful.
There is so much strength,
and resiliency,
and instincts,
and many ideas blooming.
I will no longer be prone to illness;
and I will create the antidote,
so that no one else has to suffer.
As for you, the malignance--
you should be concerned.
The research,
and science,
and trials,
and doctors have progressed.
You and your kind are soon to be eradicated.