Member Poem

The Ride
 
Dictator wakes up crying from a nightmare about rats
Lawyer sniffs coke in his BMW
Frat boys catcall depressed freshman girl
 
Mother tries LSD at Stones concert
Elegant debutant has explosive diarrhea
Farmer watches Desperate Housewives
 
Elderly man spends day staring at his hands
Ex-lovers run into each other at the dentist
Brazilian waxer makes client bleed
 
Nun touches herself quietly
Politician secretly laments his big nose
Father throws out toys
 
Mall security guard pretends not to see girl stealing; he hates confrontation
Donut maker burns himself with hot oil so that he can go home
Celebrity has allergic reaction to eyelash extensions
 
Popular girl has panic attack in class
Daughter slips on snow before leaving home for good
Man on death-bed still remembers that day at Chelsea Market
 
Burlesque performer urinates into shot glasses on stage
Youtube personality writes suicide note
Bored old woman walks to the deli every hour
 
Young boy tries on his mother’s heels
High-school health teacher gets fired for discussing nipple clamps
Artist paints the sea because no one was buying her sculptures
 
Young designer pricks her finger with needle
Tattoo artist makes mistake
Porn star needs a bathroom break
 
Computer programmer auditions for West Side Story
Mattress consultant takes nap in store
Stripper twists her ankle
 
Mother plays back son’s last voicemail
Billionaire doesn’t leave tip
Surgeon dozes off
 
Flight attendant has broken heart
Widow buys too many groceries
Blind man crosses Jane Street
 
Double arm amputee gives foot job
Autistic child arranges paper airplanes
Bus driver eats alone
 
Middle-school girls kiss in bathroom
Restaurant manager clips toenails
Train commuters lean on each other the whole ride home