Member Poem

A flipped leaf
A fresh slate
So difficult to come by
So easily missed
But I don’t want to start over
No, I’m sick of looking in the mirror
And fighting what I see
Because you keep telling me who I’m supposed to be
I’ve been struggling with who I’ve been
But I think I’m finally becoming who I am
You may not like my clothes
You may hate my hair
But you have to admit
At least I keep trying
Because I think that there must be more to this life
Than the stereotypes of older minds
I am more than the shoes I wear,
The brands I buy,
The way my hair falls in my eyes
There is more beneath the surface
A chance is all I ask for
I’m smarter than I look
I care more than I let the world know

You ask for my feelings
But we just end up on opposite sides
I don’t want to fight you anymore
I acknowledge my defeat
And I give you my rage--boiling, stinging,
Howling at the world to change
My fear--biting, chilling,
Paralyzing my lungs from crying out in pain
My tears--choking, drowning,
Weighing me down like concrete shoes
Because I don’t know who to choose
Me or you.

It is all rising within me,
An itch I can’t scratch
TilI just want to roll in the dirt like a dog
Or to flee on the wings of the wind
To escape the feelings

But I’m not running anymore
And I’m not going to turn to the comfort of the glass bottles filled with lost hopes,
Suppressed dreams, and forgotten nights.
No, I’m not going to become one who injects themselves with borrowed hope and pride
That bring them so high that they don’t realize how far down they truly are
No, instead I turn to the pen,
The sharpest sword ever forged
And the blank page,
The last frontier never to be conquered,
And I plunge head first into the well of words
In my secluded mind
To bring to light
My heart

Hidden away
Locked up in a tower
To protect it from thieves
And misleading princes
Who may have good intentions
That simply aren’t right for me
Here, brought to light for you
So that you may begin to understand
That I may not have much to my name
But my past is making me who I am
And my future may not be that yellow brick road of old
But it is in front of my feet and I am walking forward
If you want to join me
It is your choice
But know that I have to go
With or without you
I am no longer that little girl who needed you to tie her shoes
But that doesn’t mean I still don’t need you
Just stand by my side
Hold my hand in hard times
And love me unconditionally
Through thick and thin
Light and dark
Anger and joy
Death and life.
All you have to do is take my outstretched hand
And step onto my path
Wherever it may lead.
***