Limericks
This is a collection of limericks by Michael R. Burch, along with limerick-like poems and other poems written in limerick meter. This limerick collection contains double limericks, triple limericks, and a new version of the double dactyl that I invented, called the "dabble dactyl."
Nevermore!
by Michael R. Burch
There once was a mockingbird, Clyde,
who bragged of his prowess, but lied.
To his new wife he sighed,
"When again, gentle bride? "
"Nevermore! " bright-eyed Raven replied.
Doggerel
These are poems that may qualify as doggerel ...
The Humpback
by Michael R. Burch
The humpback is a gullet
equipped with snarky fins.
It has a winning smile:
and when it SMILES, it wins
as miles and miles of herring
excite its fearsome grins.
So beware, unwary whalers,
lest you drown, sans feet and shins!
The Blobfish
by Michael R. Burch
Animal Poems
These are poems about animals such as ants, canaries, ducks, dromedaries, elephants, hippos, rhinos, mockingbirds, pelicans and ravens.
The Hippopotami
by Michael R. Burch
There’s no seeing eye to eye
with the awesomely huge Hippopotami:
on the bank, you’re much taller;
going under, you’re smaller
and assuredly destined to die!
***
On the Horns of a Dilemma (I)
by Michael R. Burch
EPIGRAMS V
These are humorous epigrams about love, sex, procreation, politics, God, the Bible, religion, life and death.
Less Heroic Couplets: Midnight Stairclimber
by Michael R. Burch
Procreation
is at first great sweaty recreation,
then—long, long after the sex dies—
the source of endless exercise.
Published by: The HyperTexts
***
Less Heroic Couplets: Liquidity Crisis
by Michael R. Burch
DOUBLE LIMERICKS
This page contains double limericks, a rare triple limerick, and a new version of the double dactyl that I invented, called the "dabble dactyl."
An advanced degree from the University of Limerick is required before one begins to dabble in in the dreadfully complex double limerick! Shakespeare wrote 154 sonnets, but he never tangled with this fiendishly complicated beast! And I have even attempted the terrifying triple limerick! Tread lightly in your light verse, for hic sunt dracones (“here be dragons”) …
Under Her Thumb
My wife thought she could keep me under her thumb.
She thought she would be my boss but she is really dumb.
When I wouldn't let her boss me around, she punched me as hard as she could.
I knocked her flat on her ass and when it came to hitting her, she didn't think I would.
My wife asked me why did I hit her just because she hit me.
I said because when it comes to men and women, I believe in equality.
She hit me again after she got in my new car and took a dump.
Once again I had to knock her flat on her rump.
To Theodore Roosevelt
Son of a sire whose heart beat ever true
To God, to country, and the fireside love
To which returning, like a homing dove,
From each high duty done, he gladly flew,
Complete, yet touched by genius through and through,
The lofty qualities that made him great,
Loved in his home and priceless to the state,
By Heaven's grace are garnered up in you.
Be yours, we pray, the dauntless heart of youth,
The eye to see the humor of the game,
The scorn of lies, the large Batavian mirth;
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You Men
(Español)
Hombres necios que acusáis
a la mujer sin razón,
sin ver que sois la ocasión
de lo mismo que culpáis:
si con ansia sin igual
solicitáis su desdén,
¿por qué quereis que obren bien
si las incitáis al mal?
Combatís su resistencia
y luego, con gravedad,
decís que fue liviandad
lo que hizo la diligencia.
Parecer quiere el denuedo
de vuestro parecer loco,
al niño que pone el coco
y luego le tiene miedo.
Queréis, con presunción necia,
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Veteran Sirens
The ghost of Ninon would be sorry now
To laugh at them, were she to see them here,
So brave and so alert for learning how
To fence with reason for another year.
Age offers a far comelier diadem
Than theirs; but anguish has no eye for grace,
When time’s malicious mercy cautions them
To think a while of number and of space.
The burning hope, the worn expectancy,
The martyred humor, and the maimed allure,
Cry out for time to end his levity,
And age to soften its investiture;
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To A World-Reformer
"I Have sacrificed all," thou sayest, "that man I might succor;
Vain the attempt; my reward was persecution and hate."
Shall I tell thee, my friend, how I to humor him manage?
Trust the proverb! I ne'er have been deceived by it yet.
Thou canst not sufficiently prize humanity's value;
Let it be coined in deed as it exists in thy breast.
E'en to the man whom thou chancest to meet in life's narrow pathway,
If he should ask it of thee, hold forth a succoring hand.
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