health

In my head, it's chaos, racing, loud,
A thousand thoughts scream, none are allowed
To quiet down, to settle, to sleep,
The noise never stops, it's a mountain too steep.

I want to do the things I love, I swear,
But today, my body refuses to care.
Lazy, lazy, lazy, the thoughts in my mind,
But it’s not laziness, it’s paralysis I find.

I wish for energy, a spark to ignite,
But the will to move stays locked out of sight.
The laughter, the singing, the joy that should be,
It’s all waiting, but nothing is happening in me.

There are nights when even the pills fail,
their promise of peace crumbles like ash.
My mind is a restless storm,
thoughts racing, twisting,
turning upon themselves.

Each night I close my eyes,
but sleep is a cruel spectre,
hovering just beyond reach.

Then my sleeplessness turns on me.
My heart beats hard and fast,
like a bird, trapped against the bars of my ribs.
Pain coils tight in my chest.
The room spins, its edges blur.

I cannot think.
I cannot feel.
I cannot speak.