Mentalhealth

In my head, it's chaos, racing, loud,
A thousand thoughts scream, none are allowed
To quiet down, to settle, to sleep,
The noise never stops, it's a mountain too steep.

I want to do the things I love, I swear,
But today, my body refuses to care.
Lazy, lazy, lazy, the thoughts in my mind,
But it’s not laziness, it’s paralysis I find.

I wish for energy, a spark to ignite,
But the will to move stays locked out of sight.
The laughter, the singing, the joy that should be,
It’s all waiting, but nothing is happening in me.

Anxiety grips like a vice, so tight,
A life ruled by fear, fear of all things,
How can I break free from this endless night?

Each breath I take feels like a fight,
A future unknown, the shadow clings,
Anxiety grips like a vice, so tight.

I watch the world, slipping out of sight,
From the sidelines, where nothing springs,
How can I break free from this endless night?

I dream of peace, of unshackled flight,
But each step forward, the darkness stings,
Anxiety grips like a vice, so tight.

In the mirror, I am a ghost,
a puppet of the world's illusions,
its expectations heavy as chains,
strings long since frayed by the violence of my mind.

Inside, I am a graveyard,
the dead whispering the things I cannot say.
Tears hidden behind smiles that crack like old paint.

The court of fools calls to me,
eyes blind to the burden I carry.
I play the jester for them,

but if death came tonight,
I would take his hand,
and breathe a sigh of relief.

Eyes on me, watching close,
A creeping sense of doom.
Is this a dream or waking nightmare?
I can't scream or cry, so I smile politely.
Inside, my heart beats like a drum,
I hope they can't hear it.

There are nights when even the pills fail,
their promise of peace crumbles like ash.
My mind is a restless storm,
thoughts racing, twisting,
turning upon themselves.

Each night I close my eyes,
but sleep is a cruel spectre,
hovering just beyond reach.

Then my sleeplessness turns on me.
My heart beats hard and fast,
like a bird, trapped against the bars of my ribs.
Pain coils tight in my chest.
The room spins, its edges blur.

I cannot think.
I cannot feel.
I cannot speak.

The storm within is raging,
Reaching out for your embrace,
Yet no one is there to comfort me,
No one to love me through my pain,
Through the agony that attempts to take control,
I think about cutting.
Fighting with the urge to control myself,
Yet feeling as if I'm drowning,
Drowning in my own darkness,
Why can't you see?
See that I'm longing to feel safe,
To silence the wickedness,
For the torment is so intense,
All I can do is weep uncontrollably.
Craving for a release,
To feel serenity and stillness for once.